Friend of Mine
Lewn Lyrics

It's not my fault that I feel this way
Lewn is acknowledging that, while he may not be in control of his emotions, he still wants to find a way to heal the pain he feels.

Everyday I gotta find a way to heal this pain
Lewn recognizes that he needs to actively work towards finding a way to move past the pain he experiences every day.

And ill walk that line till the end of time
Despite the pain, Lewn is committed to persevering through life and facing his struggles head-on.

In this life that has never been a friend of mine (x2)
Lewn feels like life has been difficult and unforgiving, and has not given him any breaks.

Sick of this Life, sick of fucking breathing
Lewn is so overwhelmed by the challenges of life that he wishes he didn't have to exist anymore.

Soon as I load the gun up
Lewn is contemplating suicide as a way to end his pain and suffering.

My ass is fucking leaving
Lewn is prepared to end his life if he feels like he can't go on any longer.

I ain't accomplished shit cept for felonious crime
Lewn feels like he hasn't achieved anything meaningful in his life, aside from breaking the law.

And it's all real split when I put it in rhyme
Lewn is able to express his pain and struggles through music and writing.

I've been thinkin' 'bout it every since I was a kid
Lewn has been struggling with his emotions and thoughts about his life for a very long time.

And I don't think anybody care if I did
Lewn doesn't feel like anyone would care if he were to take his own life.

They can find my body laying in the bed
Lewn is envisioning his own death and how he might be found.

With the sheets blood red and a bullet in my head
Lewn is contemplating suicide by gunshot.

I hate you for hating me
Lewn feels like other people are judging him and hating him for his struggles.

I will accept the sorrows of my family
Lewn recognizes the impact that his death or actions would have on his family members.

Close my fucking casket and put me in the dirt
Lewn is accepting of his own mortality and is prepared to pass away.

Seein my daughter cry, really makes it hurt
Lewn is concerned about the effect his death or actions would have on his young child.

This life of mine's flyin by why am I here alive
Lewn is questioning the purpose of his own existence and why he is still alive.

Why am I among the living when I feel so dead inside
Lewn feels emotionally dead and disconnected from life, despite still being alive.

My eyes never dry never will I ever try not to be
Lewn is struggling with sadness and feels like he can't escape it or try to be happy.

A better man and try to have a better life
Lewn recognizes that he wants to be a better person and live a better life, but feels unable to do so.

Every night I pray to find a way to make it right
Lewn seeks guidance and wants to find a way to improve his life.

I gotta try to stand and fight I gotta try to see the light
Lewn is determined to try to move past his struggles and find hope.

Everyday a different struggle every time another sign
Lewn feels like his life is a constant stream of challenges and difficulties.

Everyday I feel I'm losing it and running out of time
Lewn is overwhelmed and feels like he's running out of time to turn his life around.

In my mind I am free I can fly I can see
Lewn finds solace in his own mind and imagination, where he can escape his pain.

But reality is battling I've had it be in me
Lewn recognizes that his mental struggles are rooted in the real world and not just his own mind.

Each step a little closer to the ending of the pain
Lewn is determined to continue working towards ending his pain and struggles.

Everyday I'm praying on the heavens take me away
Lewn is so overwhelmed that he wishes for divine intervention to end his suffering.

Somebody's gotta hear me now I'm barely hanging on
Lewn is looking for help and support from someone, as he feels like he is barely able to keep going.

And its scary thinkin' maybe there's no body there at all
Lewn is concerned that he won't receive the help or support he needs, which is a scary thought.

With the man up in the mirriors tellin' me I'm outta lies
Lewn is overwhelmed with self-doubt and feels like he's run out of excuses for his struggles.

I'm gonna end it all like critical and die a thousand times
Lewn is contemplating suicide as a way to escape his pain, and recognizes that his anxiety and negative thoughts make every day feel like torture.

It's too late now I just wanna take it back
Lewn recognizes that it may be too late to change his actions or decisions, and he wishes he had made different choices.

As the scene fades away and the pitch goes black
Lewn sees his life and consciousness slowly slipping away.

I can't figure out what to say to my maker
Lewn is anticipating his own death and is unsure of what to say to whatever higher power he believes in.

I know he ain't impressed with my actions for paper
Lewn recognizes that he has made mistakes and bad decisions in his life that won't be impressive to any higher power.

The killa c shit was great while it lasted
Lewn reflects on his past and recognizes that there were moments when he felt happy or successful.

The hatred for myself was what got my ass blasted
Lewn recognizes that his self-loathing and negative thoughts are a direct cause of his struggles and pain.

I can't remember ever in my life being happy
Lewn struggles to remember any truly happy or positive moments in his life.

Maybe its because I was way too nasty
Lewn recognizes that his own actions and behavior may have contributed to his struggles and pain.

I did the best I could but I know it wasn't good enough
Lewn recognizes that he may have tried his best, but it still wasn't enough to make him happy or successful.

Maybe I shouldve listened when they hammered us in cuffs
Lewn recognizes that he may have made mistakes or bad decisions that led to negative consequences.

Now I'm burnin in the flame dreamin' in the pain
Lewn is overwhelmed with pain and feels like he's burning from the inside out.

If you let me start over lord it won't be the same
Lewn recognizes that he has made mistakes but wants a chance to start fresh and make different choices in the future.

It's not my fault it's not my fault
Lewn repeats this line throughout the song, perhaps as a way to distance himself from responsibility for his struggles or pain.