With 2016’s Wishlist EP – recorded to tape at the apartment of band mate Ty Ueda – Lina proved an ability to craft simple, introspective and succinct songs, each one a pulsing glow leaving you both hollow and whole, alone but never lonely. It is on Lina’s debut album Won that we reap the full rewards of this newfound confidence in expression and rejection of internal hesitation. “The writing doesn’t necessarily get easier, but I feel more comfortable tapping into emotions and going to those places that need to be written about. Won, as it turned out, is the product that I have been hearing and picturing in my head as I write and listen to music.” It is the product of what happens when you push past the fear of what it means to think out loud – to become accountable for your internal struggles by way of manifesting your ideas into songs that are then free to grow apart from you, to exist on their own while always remaining specifically implicative of you. Now backed by a full band, each track manages to remain piercingly intimate, sometimes brief, and always honest, while gaining a wholly new sense of gestation both sonically and lyrically.
“I am all the wiser now that I accept my fate”.
It’s clear throughout that Lina’s awareness of their internal shift is folded into every corner of these songs. The move towards working with a full band, the deliberate force with which their often quaveringly raw vocals are delivered, and the lyrics themselves are all constantly functioning to process and take stock of an updated self. Which is not to say this is an album of concise reflections or black-and-white conclusions. The darkly punctuated “Summer Sleeper” rolls in with one of the more concrete claims Lina presents us with. "On letting go: it's only as good as you want it to be, only as bad as you make it." This is an album insistent on the consideration of perspective above all else.
The album art, a reference to the historical practice of photographing ectoplasm expulsion, acts as a visual representation of the internal changes and newly gained perspectives precipitated by the writing and recording of this debut album. “Writing this record was a lot of looking inward at myself with close eyes. Figuring out what I had to get rid of and what I had to keep. I like the idea of an ectoplasm being something you’re expelling. That you’re getting rid of because it shouldn’t be inside you anymore.”
And at a certain point, growth is not just a process of replacing old selves with new, but often simply an act of expansion. Won in many ways continues to dig through Lina’s preoccupation with the search for home. It’s a deceptively loaded search sewn gracefully into the haunting and sparse track “Face Off." Whatever "home" means - a relationship, a physical space, a mentality, or an emotion - that’s up to the listener. As Lina puts it, “It’s a record for me, but it’s also for everyone else. I don’t claim to be totally emotionally stable, or smart in relationships, or always very conscientious of others, but this record is me reaching out and trying and maybe sometimes I lose but sometimes I win.”
Grace
Lina tullgren Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
I was home alone but I got brighter
I can find my home wherever I want it
Give yourself some time
If I have learned anything it's this
If I have learned anything at all
Now I can be open so please give me a call
But I can give you time
My eyes are tired and I'm a liar
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
This is how the world all falls down now
Memory of a photograph, a memory
I just want to be alone, together
In my dream you were so mean
Give ourselves some time
My eyes are tired and I'm a liar
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
Feel like I'm on fire but I am just a liar
The lyrics of Lina Tullgren's "Grace" speak to the experience of feeling lost and overwhelmed, struggling to find a sense of home and belonging amidst the chaos of everyday life. The repetition of "my eyes are tired and I'm a liar" creates a sense of weariness and self-doubt, as if the singer is trying to convince herself of something she doesn't quite believe. The line "I wish I had grace but I can re-erase" suggests a desire to start over, to let go of past mistakes and move forward with a renewed sense of purpose.
The second verse takes a more introspective turn, as the singer reflects on the ways in which she has hurt others and seeks to make amends. The line "now I know what it's like to ruin someone's life" is particularly striking, acknowledging the pain and damage that can be caused by one's actions. Yet even in the midst of this difficult realization, there is a sense of hope and openness: "Now I can be open so please give me a call." Ultimately, the song is a reminder to give ourselves and others the time and space to heal and grow, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.
Line by Line Meaning
My eyes are tired and I'm a liar
I am exhausted from lying all the time
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
I want to be graceful, but I keep making mistakes and wishing to redo things
I was home alone but I got brighter
Even though I am alone, I can find happiness and light within myself
I can find my home wherever I want it
I can make a home for myself anywhere I choose
Give yourself some time
Take some time for yourself to heal and grow
If I have learned anything it's this
Through my experiences, I have learned something very important
Now I know what it's like to ruin someone's life
I understand the impact of my actions on others and how I could hurt them
If I have learned anything at all
Through all of my experiences, big or small, I have learned something
Now I can be open so please give me a call
I am now ready to open up and connect with others, please reach out to me
But I can give you time
I need some time to myself before I can connect with you
This is how the world all falls down now
The world is crumbling around us
Memory of a photograph, a memory
I am remembering a precious moment through a photograph
I just want to be alone, together
I want to be alone, but still connected with others
In my dream you were so mean
In my dream, you portrayed a negative image
Give ourselves some time
Let's take some time for ourselves to heal and grow
Feel like I'm on fire but I am just a liar
I feel overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety, but it's just because I've been lying
I wish I had grace but I can re erase
I want to be more graceful, but I keep messing up and wishing to start over
Contributed by Allison G. Suggest a correction in the comments below.