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I'm Your New Neighbour
Little Onion Lyrics

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The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Most interesting comment from YouTube:

@dreamwolf7302

3y↑4

Serious talk here, i worked in a rural clinic, where we had a Veterinary office connected to the Family Health Clinic. Veterinarian and the GP were a married couple, and their kids were all either Vets, or NPs.

You could drop your dog off on one side, walk through a hallway, through a couple of doors, and enter the waiting room for your own appointment.

So we really did have a lot of patients where they came looking for a clinic for themselves, their spouses, kids, and pets.

Probably the only time in my entire career as an RN, i was called in to help wrangle a pet Emu, right after giving a sex-ed talk to a young girl who's single dad had no idea how to approach the topic.

And you would be shocked how often stuff like that happens, the sex-ed talk that is.

Single parents, or just parents who are unsure of how to talk about it, come to their GP for help with this a lot.

As a Dad, i kinda end up the 'go-to' Nurse for these things.

It can be awkward...

but nothing beats having to explain to a 30 year old woman, when you are a nurse who is only 22, that yes, she can still pregnant during her menstrual cycle, and no, there isnt a miracle drug that makes sure you have the specific gender child you want...

All comments from YouTube:

@lauragarzon5277

4y↑8.3K

Dr Mike: These are just jokes, don't take them seriously
Dr. Mike: Takes the jokes seriously

@joy100ish

4y↑78

This like talking to your parents xD

@superpotterfan7435

4y↑155

I feel like he’s also wanting to make sure that people understand the truth vs the joke so they know it’s a joke. I liked that he took the jokes and explained where they most likely originated and why they wouldn’t happen for real. 😁

@moistnugget4147

4y↑24

he's a medical professional, cut him some slack :P

@overdadeirofelipao3629

4y↑41

I mean... what else is he supposed to do? Read medical memes and like... laugh 3 times?

@NoOne-wz2ht

4y↑3

@@joy100ish yeah read the top comment

14 More Replies...

@jacob_massengale

35w↑48

"Seriously injured woman heroically fends off paramedics trying to put her in medical debt"-my favorite

@GoodMorningHikers

3y↑680

Speaking of wrong grandparents, something like that actually happened to me:

At the elderly home my grandmother is staying at, I visited her one weekend and was waiting in the common room, and the caretaker brought out the wrong grandma. The funny part is both my grandmother and the one they brought out have dementia, so even though I'd never met her, she thought I was a relative and was ecstatic to see me. After the caretaker found the correct grandmother, the three of us sat around and had a wonderful chat. Just me and my two grandmothers.

@vanderbam2741

2y↑52

What this is a great comment lol

@phoebegilliland8897

1y↑43

That's really sweet.

@NamelessM.F.

1y↑25

that’s amazing 😭

@deemah3602

36w↑4

caretaker… dementia…
💀

@christopherdean1326

36w↑2

We all have two grandmothers, that's how procreation works 🙂

3 More Replies...

@hexxidelux6224

2y↑99

This is concerning. I first heard of the "nutritionists say people who eat right shouldn't poop at all" thing from my mother. It was passed on to me as real news because she had seen it on TV being presented as such. My mother does not know how to use a computer, and (of course) has no social media accounts. She doesn't have a cellphone and we still use a landline phone here at the house. If she says she saw it on the news, she means it. I was going weeks thinking "nutritionists are going crazy" each time I went to the bathroom. I had no idea it was from The Onion. But now, I do. That means, someone around or in South Carolina thought it was real news and put it on our news networks to be shown as such. I'm rambling. Trying to think about it is blowing my mind.

@KimonFrousios

35w↑16

That someone thought it was real is not surprising. That nobody else questioned it before it reached getting presented, is what is deeply concerning.

@Duffyboi

35w↑4

@@KimonFrousiosIt’s the people that use social media and take everything at face value.

@jb888888888

32w↑10

Around me sometimes on slow news days they'll put up things like that as a funny. "See what the Onion says LOL" but then I can imagine people who might miss that first part see it and think it's real.

@FuckGoogle502

27w↑3

The Onion has tricked newscasters into repeating its articles quite a few times now lol

@MarginalSC

26w

That thought predates The Onion by decades at least.

3 More Replies...

@deusexaethera

3y↑3K

4:59 - True story: When my son was born, the nurses (especially in the nursery unit) were fawning over him and saying how cute he was -- "no really, I say this to every parent, but yours really is the most adorable baby I've seen in a long time", etc. By the end of our time in the hospital, I was telling the nurses, "Well of course he's the cutest one; I picked him out myself." The older nurses thought it was hilarious; the new nurses were horrified.

@FunnyParadox

3y↑206

Are you my mother ? XD because that's the EXACT same story she told me XD

@danielkeslerjr4407

3y↑141

I was gonna comment about the baby security bracelet thing. If someone is gonna steal a baby, why wouldn't they.. just take the bracelet off the baby..

@devforfun5618

3y↑117

@@danielkeslerjr4407 my guess is it makes a sound or alert the security or simply stops openning the door when removed

@deusexaethera

3y↑222

@@danielkeslerjr4407: The bracelet is has a built-in tamper alarm, in the form of a heartbeat monitor. It presses tightly against the bottom of the baby's foot, and if it stops detecting a heartbeat (or if it detects heart arrhythmia) it goes nuts.

@karlkfoury2213

3y↑40

if he's cute then he's probably not your son

14 More Replies...

@davidcookmfs6950

3y↑528

6:17 I have a badly suppressed immune system. I had a doctor for years who was a professor, and he would bring about a dozen students when seeing me. Of course I had given him permission. He wanted to see how different students handled examining the same patient. So my medical appointments about every three months would go on for a couple of hours. He would have them come in one at a time to do their exam, and then after everyone was done, he would do the exam and narrate everything he was doing and explaining why about everything, and then spend about a half hour having a class discussion. One student from West Africa correctly diagnosed that I had a patch of leprosy starting, and no one else caught it, not even the professor. The thing that tipped him off was that I had a numb patch on my back, and he ordered a test, and that is what it was. Turns out it is still a lot more common in the US than people think, but it is much more common in developing countries, and he immediately recognized it. It is bacterial, and apparently attacks nerves, so the reason that people wind up with wounds is that they don't fell pain where a wound is starting, and it gets worse.

@chestio3488

2y↑53

Cool story! Hope your doing well, even with a bellow average immune system! :D

@azaanhm

2y↑25

@@chestio3488 lmao I can't tell if you're concerned for him or just making fun of him!!!

@DKNguyen3.1415

35w↑8

That's like an episode of House.

@mroiddzhem7311

34w↑6

Thank you! I'm a medstudent and we need patients like you

@dyhia1311

4y↑958

Dr Mike is the only person who can turn a joke into a lecture without making it annoying

@evanislost

4y↑35

I like people who can organically drop nuggets of knowledge, if it's someone whose professional field is related and it's like factoids that are interesting and not common knowledge. It's like an attractive quality, yknow?

@nazanin2674

4y↑3

Dyhia ⵣ it's just because he's good looking

@jihadzengana5530

4y↑1

Dyhia ⵣ one of the main reasons that I keep watching his videos ❤️

@tucker3536

4y↑1

Ttue

@sometimessnarky1642

Nah, it's still annoying.

@Macapta

3y↑7.5K

Fav Onion headline ever is “amazing, miracle of birth occurs for 8 billionth time”

@mariabarker2036

3y↑50

LOLOLOLOL
teehee

@haroldwilkes6608

3y↑166

Even Jesus stopped making wine once in a while...

@OveranalyzingEverything

3y↑88

Hasn't there been more than 8 billion people on earth or is the joke that the miracle happens so often every day?

@Macapta

3y↑138

@@OveranalyzingEverything the latter, that we call something a miracle even though it’s so common.

@OveranalyzingEverything

3y↑59

@@Macapta but then again there has been more than 8 billion people born. The ones alive today and the ones from the past.

47 More Replies...

@Jharrisimages

3y↑800

Doctor, fighting with insurance company: "You owe me a half hour of my life back."
Patient, fighting with insurance company: "You owe me my life back."

@wesnohathas1993

3y↑44

Insurance companies really are the worst.

@calebmessinger283

2y↑11

@@wesnohathas1993 they really are, especially when it comes to medical care.

@Kyleplaysgames567

30w↑5

@@wesnohathas1993It's a joke at this point. "OH don't worry insurance will pay for it!"

@Thehouseoffail

2y↑27

I have a rare condition. When I was a teenager, I was in the hospital for treatment and the doctor asked if some of her medical students could sit in. She was so excited to share this because having this condition at such a young age is almost unheard of. I said yes, thinking it was just going to be a few people discussing my case.

NOPE.

They came while I was asleep in the morning. No warning, no bra, hair unbrished, and feeling very vulnerable. And in comes about 30 mostly male medical interns crowded around my bed to watch her trigger a reaction from my condition. It was humiliating.

Safe to say, that poker buddies joke isn't too far off the mark.

@AutumnTehKitty

26w↑3

Ah, I'm sorry they didn't give you better warning to prepare or change your mind.

@billoftt1

3y↑3.7K

"The Onion is a satirical newspaper..."

No, The Onion is The Finest News Source!

@somegoodsoup7008

3y↑85

It's more reliable than the BBC

@jimluvsgene

3y↑61

@@somegoodsoup7008 and FOX.
And NYT.

@jimluvsgene

3y↑63

And ABC
CBS
MSNBC
NBC
USA Today
TWSJ
TWP
POLITICO
Bloomberg
Vice News
HBO
HuffPost
TMZ
CNET
NPR
THR
Newsweek
TNY
Time
US News and World Report
And The Guardian.

@crackaby7075

3y↑22

@@jimluvsgene and Russia Today.

@crackaby7075

3y↑21

@@jimluvsgene and France 24.

19 More Replies...

@aliepatchik8277

1y↑80

I love how Sam always has to be explaining jokes in the background

@clarissarojas7959

4y↑34.1K

This video is like when you tell your mom a joke and she turns it into a lecture

@AmmaraSHAH773377

4y↑1.5K

Oh my god thats so accurate. Especially with the fingerless gloves

@abhisheikpatangey3481

4y↑255

I like Dr Mike, but how does he have time to create such videos while his city suffers

@chriscarguy-699

4y↑683

Abhisheik Patangey sometimes you gotta lighten to mood a bit more. These videos really take your mind off the virus, so in a way it’s saving a lot of people stress. Because of that he’s actually saving lives. LoGiC

@onceinabluemoon3264

4y↑80

ChrisCarGuy - True

@JackDelaRosa-hp6oe

4y↑56

Bro i literally commented this 21 hours ago and i dont get one heart from doctor mike😭

139 More Replies...

@ChaosPan

3y↑34

I'm glad to hear about the new safety measures for newborns. I was almost stolen as my mum recovered. The babynapper was posing as a nurse and when my mum brought up this other "nurse" to the one who actually worked there, mum found out the other was not someone working at the hospital. We changed rooms and went home very quickly after that. :)

@SophiaSaurusTV

3y↑51

The fact that you got duped even though you know full well the Onion is satire is the best thing. So pure. Don't ever change.

@Envrionmela

2y↑30

I remember one day my doc explained this to me "Hypothetically, eating 5 pounds of carrots is still 5 pounds. And while carrots are good for you, excessive is just as unhealthy as not eating healthily enough"

@clobbahdatderekirbeh2710

3y↑96

I'm absolutely terrified of doctors and hospitals. This channel has become my exposure therapy.

@Readvfa192

2y↑13

I’m happy you’re feeling more comfortable around doctors :)

@SBerTtube

What is wrong with you? 🤔

@theblackvalkyrie69

3y↑225

“If doctors have crows feet, it means they care.”
- Dr Mike, 2021

@Gaehhn

2y↑2

That left me confused for a second, because I thought he was talking about caltrops...

@MigattenoBlakae

26w

@@GaehhnLMAO

@jillian7454

4y↑1.5K

Dr. Mike: "All of this is in fun, it's a joke!"
Also Dr. Mike: explains the medical side of every joke and how the article is massively incorrect.
Me: oh, doc... This is why we love ya.

@carnage2332

4y↑14

That is really Mike's entire mission statement with this channel. Is to be friendly and entertaining while providing useful medical information.

@liger04

4y↑8

Except he played along for "ask [the doctor] straight up if they've ever killed a patient on purpose".
Coincidence? I think not.

@Arrow14860

4y↑2

@@liger04 LMAO😂😂

@Hust91

4y↑3

I mean it's interesting context, right?

How the joke relates to the real world situation that might have prompted the joke.

@lyn3792

Who is that in ur profile pic

3 More Replies...

@mery5989

3y↑37

the fact that even you actually bleached your teeth when you were young makes the "too white teeth in the us" stereotype make perfect sense. I have never heard of anyone doing that here, it sounds dangerous

@gooseducktunguska425

1y↑1

It sounds weird

@eirinipapagianni7598

3y↑182

The one where the doctor supposedly asked to bring in his poker buddies was funny until I remembered a story of my mums births. The doctor who was responsible for delivering my brother brought in the delivery room his wife to watch my mum give birth so he could convince her to have a baby with him. My mum wasnt really satisfied with him as a doctor,so she went to a new one when she was having me. The second doctor brought in the delivery room his under-age high-school son to watch a live birth because the kid wanted to go to med school 😂

@ayishaks6510

2y↑81

Certainly, watching a woman screaming in labour is absolutely the best way to convince his wife to have a kid. Eye roll lol

@vanderbam2741

2y↑31

That's shocking. So violating.

@Jack1994hoo

2y↑24

Wtf kinda hospital was that? An episode of Scrubs?

@eirinipapagianni7598

2y↑33

@@Jack1994hoo a hospital in Greece during the 90s my friend 😂

@reaganharder1480

2y↑21

As I understand, when I was born the doctor brought into the room a sandwhich. Because she was called in off her lunch break.

1 More Replies...

@L._Diaz

2y↑19

The 'bringing interns in for observation' made me laugh out loud for real! When I was delivering my twins, my doctor was golfing with his 13 year old son. He not only asked if he can bring in the interns, but he asked if his son could just sit quietly in the corner in the back of the room because he wants to be a doctor when he grows up! Of course, by that time, EVERY woman is like, ' Yes! Whatever! Stop talking let's get these babies out!' So you KNOW how crowded that delivery room was! Each baby had their own set of nurses and other staff, plus 7 interns, plus his kid sitting in the corner on a plastic chair. It was crazy, man! lol! :)

@floatingeyeballs44

2y↑14

My favorite Onion article was one they put out years ago (early 2000's) that said the FDA had approved salmonella for human consumption. I showed it to some of my relatives, who were outraged! Lol

@phydeux

2y↑4

Actually, HIPAA doesn't have anything to say on you sitting in on a friend's exam as long as your friend approves. My best friend took me with her for her brain cancer treatments because I'd been through them with my mother and she knew I'd understand everything they were telling us. The doctors didn't mind since it was her idea. I even sat next to the MRI and held her hand as she got her scans.

@rebeccahicks2392

3y↑2.1K

"Get on the phone spend half an hour arguing with the insurance company"
This is the doctor we all need.

@ledues3336

3y↑12

True

@R.Daneel

3y↑101

My dentist took time out of their own day to argue that 2 (not just 1) of my 4 new crowns were required, not cosmetic. Saved me about $1500.
(Convinced them that it was $1500 now, or covering adult braces later and THEN the crown anyway. The insurance, surprisingly, saw the light.)

@devforfun5618

3y↑32

@@R.Daneel what ? they are physically able to think long term ? i thougth it was impossible

@SkiDaBird

3y↑13

@@devforfun5618 They are surprisingly good at predicting the future, whether in underwriting, claims, or patient reps. Corporate penny pinching is the problem.

@MrCharlesfire

3y↑26

This is a doctor nobody SHOULD need. Seriously, America, you're the last first world country not having universal health care...

10 More Replies...

@Lobod287

3y↑18

I love these funnier vids you do Doctor Mike. Though one thing I will say is that grandfathers being switched is not the most outlandish of things.

Just a couple months ago, we had to admit my grandmother for a fall. She was very disorientated and confused so my mother signed on as being responsible for her (for give me for not recalling the technical details such as titles). We went home and waited to hear back from the hospital, unable to stay due to Covid concerns. My mother gets a call at around 2 in the morning being told to come pick up my grandmother. She goes, waits in a designated area outside for her mother to be returned to us and a nurse wheels out some other little old lady and nearly walks away before my mother can stop her.

They attempted to give her the wrong person and when she demanded to know where her mother was, concerned that they had lost her or something at this point, she learns that she isn't even in this hospital anymore. She was transferred to another facility without anyone being notified. Everything got straightened out and we got to see grandma again, but that's my story of how we nearly won a free grandma from the hospital.

@Rugelacharugula

3y↑15

I could not have Dr. Mike as my physician. I would constantly be mesmerized by his impossibly fantastic hair.

@finley7906

3y↑8

doctor mike is like the love interest in a cheap romance novel and honestly, im here for it

@angierodriguezcastellini6980

3y↑6

Me encantan tus videos son muy informativos y algunos graciosos como este, espero mas subtitlos en español en el futuro en mas videos, saludos desde Argentina 😁🤗❤

@MrZardoz777

37w↑2

"Never tip them off by revealing any of your symptoms . . ." My brother actually did that, went to the doctor and didn't tell him he'd been exposed to mono. Got a medication cross-indicated for mono and wound up with this crazy rash.

@painfall

4y↑8.2K

Plot twist: The Onion is actually predicting the future

@sandpaperunderthetable6708

4y↑37

Oof

@lancebargamento1784

4y↑33

Oh no....

@ing9545

3y↑5

Funny

@gsmarkham

3y↑29

On more than one occasion...

@pendingauthor2536

3y↑8

Someone needs to check on the Mickey containment.

57 More Replies...

@ambersquirrel2514

3y↑142

The last one seems like a legit conversation after the guy gets home
"Hey honey how was your day?"
"I got to use the shock paddles and go BZZ BZZ just like on tv"

@Aquelll

3y↑54

"The patients are the best professionals on their own care" is something we are constantly reminded of as student nurses.

@chronicallyfabulous88

2y↑9

I've been going to the same GP for like 8 years and I have a whole laundry list of rare chronic illnesses, including a rare genetic disorder. Any time the clinic has student doctors there sitting in on appointments, he knows I'm cool with being a learning opportunity in terms of complex patients, lol. I've had some pretty interesting questions, but thankfully they've always been respectful 😅 I figure learning about me and what my ongoing care involves could help some kid down the line who's just been diagnosed with my condition/s, when their doctor remembers what my GP and I told them.

@bonniea.1941

2y↑2

I don’t usually like these kinds of videos but laughing along with (or at 🤷🏻‍♀️) Doc Mike makes me very happy. And laughter IS the best medicine! ❤️

@acciotardisalohomora6302

3y↑3

For every few bad apple doctors there are the golden ones like you. <3 New to your channel but enjoying the playlists I've stumbled upon. Nice to see you have a good humor about your profession while trying to inform others too. Looking forward to the rest of your content. :)

@dontmindme4885

4y↑7.1K

Dr. Mike: freeze-away toe remover

Cinderellas step sisters: *nervous sweating*

@DaMoosicRawks

4y↑97

Underrated.

@danielf.7151

4y↑136

But does it also work on heels?

@lillyko5611

4y↑26

Dove: rockadeedoo there's ice in the shoe.

@Hi-iv9fj

4y↑9

Oof

@jordankelly7540

4y↑7

Daniel F. I don't think so

20 More Replies...

@irisbear9421

3y↑8

15ish years ago, when I had my babies, they only put a security tag on the baby so nobody could take it from the nursery unapproved or whatever.. like a library book.. It's hilarious to me, but I'm also very glad for this extra step.

@Sniperbear13

3y↑5

gotta love how The Onion can sometimes make something sound real.

@coryproffitt8676

36w

Thank you for all you do Dr. MIke. As a healthcare worker I so appreciate the laughs and knowledge you pass on from your channels.

@Mister6

3y↑4

6:20 I was the first patient in Australian history to have a Cobb's Collar corrected. Apparently there was an extremely large gathering around the table/theatre observing while the specialist from the UK operated. Incidentally they muffed it and I was on the table for 8 hours and in the hospital for nearly a month. I didn't realise how badly they muffed it until my son had the same condition 25 years later (it's congenital) and it was treated with day surgery

@azeemtravadi6128

3y↑61

"never reveal any of your symptoms"

simulated patients in the OSCE: "write that down, write that down!"

@staceyk2274

🤣 too relatable!

@vanessaf7259

4y↑3.3K

“You owe me a half hour of my life back”

😂😂😂 👏👏👏 When it comes to wasting peoples’ time, insurance companies are so in debt they can’t possibly pay everyone back!

@mortimerbrewster3671

4y↑5

When it comes to wasting peoples' time, the doctors are so in debt they can't possibly pay everyone back. I don't bother going to doctors because I won't wait the 45+ minutes late that they always are, even when I make certain I'm the first patient of the day.

@moonlit_sky127

4y↑48

@@mortimerbrewster3671 You don't bother going to the doctors? Dude, ya really need to start going! Even if it's just twice a year!

@jamessheppard4372

4y↑5

@@saltedlemons5908 exactly

@jarofgay

4y↑6

My old youth therapist, first name Karen, literally ended up speaking to the manager and put me on emergency supply after they hadn’t sent in my mood stabilizers nearly a month after writing in the prescription

10 More Replies...

@candicezhang8619

3y↑18

"You own me half hr of my life back!"
The most accurate comment on American current medical insurance system.

@liv8536

3y↑3

I can't stop laughing now, one time my college doctor refereed me to the hospital for extreme chest pain and possibility of clotting, I spent the whole night there and got some strong painkillers, I ended up going back to the doctor after three hours of sleep and still very loopy where I desperately tried to explain to him that a nurse told me that I have symbiotic pain, we were both really confused

@queenannsrevenge100

35w↑1

“First, ask yourself what your personal goals are when you see a doctor: Do you want to live, or die?”

This is one that became SO much more relevant later in the Pandemic 😂

@aliepatchik8277

1y↑3

When he was talking about plantar warts, I got one on my foot and I had to get it removed by a doctor. Them injecting the numbing agent into my foot was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced it was like fire ran through my veins

@victoriaeads6126

There is actually good advice hidden in here-I had some excellent doctors as a child (with severe asthma and allergy problems) and as an adult I've realized that the doctors I was fortunate to have as a child are few and far between. Good doctors are rare and wonderful people.

@popartlover101

4y↑1.3K

2 things I've learned in this video:
1. His eyes are pretty
2. He can be my doctor any day😂

@mariee.5912

4y↑6

He can't be my doctor. 😊

@stevenqu3

4y↑33

I learned that he used to do professional poker

@THEBEANLORD4

4y↑2

He must be a poptart

8 More Replies...

@AustinD_YT

I recently went to a foot specialist to check on a foot that ended up being fractured, and on my visit they also noticed on the same foot I had an ingrown toenail. At the start of the appointment the Doctor asked if he could have the student come in, and I said yes, and it felt a little awkward just having another presence in the room that wasn't necessarily adding to the experience.

(I recognize they were trying to learn, I dont fault them at all since I said yes, just saying it was more akward than i thought it would be having them there)

@beawolfe

37w

The medical student thing is so real to me, I had diabetic ketoacidosis when I was five and nearly died. I was in the ICU at the Vanderbilt children's hospital. There was at least one day, likely more than I can remember, where pack upon pack of medical students were strolling by, staring in the windows of my room. Super unsettling and I only learned what was happening when I asked my mother years later

@CaTastrophy427

2y↑1

I believe you're able to say "this did not happen" without violating hipaa. If someone says you stabbed their child with a halberd, you are almost certainly able to say "I have never personally laid eyes upon a halberd, and the only thing that might have ever stabbed the child in question while they were in my vicinity is a hypodermic needle"

@randomheadful7190

I’ve had a couple surgeries that were seriously long. Like, 8 or 9 hours. One was a 360 spinal fusion which was insane. I wondered how the surgeons stayed fresh while operating for that long. Same with the nurses and the anesthesiologist.

@CalifornianCuttlefish

2y↑1

Great Video! This is both hilarious and interesting

@acaesic

4y↑3.9K

Mike looking at a ’toe remover’: “Oh, I have this thing! I’ve used it before!”

@hiimjohnquinones2971

4y↑322

Yeah, I used it too so now I'm down to 12 toes. Wish me luck on getting the other 4 off.

(Edit) thanks for the likes, y'all really like toes apparently

@khatunamezvrishvili6211

4y↑23

@@hiimjohnquinones2971 bruh

@csweezey18

4y↑21

@@hiimjohnquinones2971 Hol' up.

@ashleybishop3431

4y↑11

@@hiimjohnquinones2971 A true intellectual

@annlakes24

4y↑1

Video Star yo same

10 More Replies...

@afterburn2600

27w

I've been reading The Onion since it was only a print newspaper in Madison, WI, and it's always been fantastic.

Unrelated to health but my favorite article was Tips to Stay Cool in the Summer, and their suggestions included such gems as "Wear a tinfoil hat," "Buy a Celsius thermometer to enjoy temperatures that rarely exceed 40 degrees," and "Stay in your dank cave and guard your precious."

@TediTheGodfather

8:14 | Was in the hospital mid March for chest pain. While in the ER after they got the pain mitigated and figured out what tests I needed, one of the nurses who kept checking in on me joked he was going to shock me. If the pain hadn't been lessened, I'd have had bad words for the laughs. Paul is awesome.

@Themurderin

Coming from a CS rep for a Medicare provider, I can assure you that it's just as frustrating for us when we have to argue nicely back to the providers for 30 mins only to find out the last person they spoke to basically told them half of what they were supposed to. It is only 1-3 months of training compared to 4+yrs of medical school though so I guess it shows lol

@ohyeah518

3y↑75

I can tell you as an a pretty great poker player that the reason they were dark glasses is because your pupils dilate when you see something valuable. Just be sure to get non-reflective ones.

@devonm042690

2y↑6

Is it when you see something valuable? Or something that commands your attention; for example something you want? 'Something valuable' sounds awfully nebulous to be something your body has an explicit reaction to.

@ohyeah518

1y↑1

@@devonm042690 Absolutely

@claresteen4708

That was so funny! It's more than a year into Covid, and the laughter is still needed now just as much as it was a year ago.

@caffeinatedoctor

4y↑2.3K

OMG! I encountered a patient today.. after greeting him, I asked him how he's feeling now ( he had taken medication for a sore throat 10 days ago) and he responded, " YOU TELL ME? " I was confused, so I asked him again, "do you have any symptoms right now"
He said, "If I answer everything, what will you do? Should I do your job for you?"
I tried to explain to him that I can't treat him if I don't know how he's feeling/what his symptoms are..
He just bluntly said, "it's your job to know how I'm feeling"
As if we're psychics 🙄🙄

@davitdavid7165

3y↑99

What do you mean the nerveus system helps a lot when diagnosing problems?

@Math-pu4qo

3y↑72

You should know how they feel, you should know as the doctor, duh.

@cameronaitken5875

3y↑360

I hear giving children a lollipop makes them a lot more cooperative.

@iliadnetfear2586

3y↑39

Come on, Egghead! You got the papers on the wall, so you tell me.

@icarokaue7334

3y↑230

"I'm gonna call a partner"
"oH aRe You ThAT iNcoMpetENT"
"No, they're a vet, the only doctor who can know what a patient is feeling without asking"

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@dietotaku

3y↑10

i've seen 2 of these now and i'm so disappointed he hasn't done "doctors said i would never walk again - and i really have to commend them for their spot-on diagnosis"

@SharkyLunasaurus

2y↑1

I've never been asked if it was okay for med students to be in the room during exams.The doctor always just was like "I have a med student with me today, they have to observe." and just made it sound like I had no choice at all. it was very uncomfortable.

@aubreygirl6284

2y↑1

When he said that he had a toe remover I was shocked and very surprised that a doctor of all people freezes their toes.

@veronicaferris6633

28w

If I go to the docs and they ask if a medical student can join, I always say yes.
Wanna help the next generation of lifesavers learn.
😅 I even got confused when I was told a student nurse wasn’t yet allowed to draw my blood.
I told them I was probably the best person to practice on because I won’t sue and have a good pain tolerance 😂😅

@maxi1430

One time I got a procedure done and the doctor asked if she could bring in some students and 5 of them walked through the door into this tiny room it was kinda stressful lol

@TuffMelon

4y↑722

I just love how The Onion nails the absurd article headlines so well that there's also a subreddit for similarly absurd stories that AREN'T from The Onion.

@xtensioncordtv1969

3y↑37

@@timothinev9444 r/nottheonion

@rezwittkerchester2055

3y↑7

John 3:16-17 KJV "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."

@iminavegetativestatestudio1730

3y↑73

@@rezwittkerchester2055 this is the funniest onion article ive read so far

@negativeorangutan546

2y↑7

@@rezwittkerchester2055 wrong comment section

@stephc9873

3y↑32

Doctor Mike: "honestly all these organs are looking the same to me right now"
Me: lol nice one
Doctor Mike: Honestly this struggle is real
Me:hahah....wait......what?

@kittylynndale5264

39w↑1

Whenever I see the fingerless glove meme, it reminds me of some of the nurses who tried to draw my blood for lab tests.
They would put on the gloves, then rip open one of the index fingertips to feel the vein.

They always got offended when I refused to let them draw my blood unless they put on new (unbroken) gloves.

@nikkivanzanen

I was in the hospital for surgery once as a kid. And in the morning rounds a WHOLE group of people walked in and started discussing my case IN FRONT of me, no warning what so ever. I was crying hard. I understand that students need to learn, but how about one of the nurses give the kids a heads-up?

@abbienormals1669

3y↑9

2:28 When I was a kid, I went in to the doctor for a routine check up... came out with scarletina. My mom chose the wrong doctor.
Incredibly coincidental side note though. Decades later, I find out that my friend had scarletina at about the same time... and used the same doctor.

@snowflinx4020

I love your videos, they're amazing ❤️ Could you talk about advices for people with rare conditions? I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and live in northern sweden, and I tell you, you have to be patient with some doctors, because it's so rare they have to look symtoms up. And honestly, most nurses, like 90% have never heard of Ehlers Danlos syndrome before.

@easymedicinebytmd8247

4y↑2.2K

Everbody else: I need a haircut!
Dr Mike: I need a pedicure!

@blank-6222

4y↑12

I wish my dad agreed to let me cut his hair.....😂😂😂

@haleypuhl401

4y↑4

I can relate I need both

@terkhenkhbat2168

4y↑2

I need all

SIKE

@blank-6222

4y↑2

Wow this comment is getting loved so much...by the I appreciate your channel

@najlasmith8933

Easy Medicine by TMD 🤣😭

9 More Replies...

@pecansquirrel3489

I love the Onion! One of my favorites is about the teacher/art teacher developing glitter lung! Lol. And the one where the parents put their child down because she was a gymnast with a broken leg! Lol

@viiIeiraS

My dentist actually said to me that I shouldn't do teeth whitening because it would cause sensitivity and could gain patches of colour if I drinked coffee or other drink with lots of colour. I followed her advice, and spend just that cash on coffee throughout the years 😂

@kalebbailstorm9733

It's funny about the too white teeth thing, cause growing up in america, I was always self-conscious and thought my smile was ugly and my teeth were already aweful cause they weren't as pristinely white. Granted I had other mental health issues to face as well, but I think this caused me not to take my teeth hygiene as seriously with making sure to brush because I felt like my teeth just were already so unhealthy for not being as pristine as people on tv and such, like my teeth were yellow in comparison, so I stopped smiling with teeth showing and kind of gave up? as bad as that is. Again I had other mental health issues and let myself go in other ways too, unfortunately, the teeth thing I think is such an important thing to bring up though. So much about health I think is misjudged and hurts lots of children and adults too probably because of the way things are altered and presented in magazines and edited and all those ways things are misrepresented.

@dreamwolf7302

3y↑4

@rodrigosoto5035

30w

The review part it’s so true, I know a doctor who was on trouble for mentioning the patient weight as something unhealthy, there were a lot of bad reviews and even a threat of lawsuit

@itzcloudieout4869

4y↑1.9K

Toe remover: *exists
Dr mike: I used this before
Me: *concerned

@PeachesCourage

4y↑2

Look up on youtube An Omaly - News Analysis & Hip-hop You won't believe how this young man sees all of this He is so correct*! They don't wanna hurt their reputations and give us uh dumb people the actual truth ? My father was a physicist and he knew that in the 90's they were very capable of doing just that * We know nothing?

@tucker3536

4y↑4

THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

@sometimessnarky1642

4y↑10

@@PeachesCourage what are you talking about?

@orangeperson7331

4y↑4

PeachesCourage what?

@Forlorn_Dusks

4y↑6

@@PeachesCourage What in the heck are you talking about, Peaches.

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@heatherlogan4042

48w

Love this, please do another!

@talachedaka2000

I worked with a surgeon who worked on a patient for 37 hours! All of us worked our normal shifts and changes but the surgeon just kept operating. The patient didn’t wake up for a week. Shockingly, the surgery was successful. I am in the UK, and whilst I think our surgeon did an amazing job, I also think it was incredibly irresponsible. He was so tired and could have made detrimental mistakes.

@failurefiend

33w

I love how dr mike shows you dont have to be very bright to be a great doctor!

@sulphiechan4893

3y↑3

The freeze wart thing! I went into the doctor to have it done myself for one on the side of my foot and next to my knee.

It got a little troublesome though because this cone they used for the one on my knee slipped and made a 'burn' on my skin that made it look like a ghost with the wart being the ghost's head :P

@runewolf77

U should review the onion more often. I love ur humor on it! 😂

@confusedbubble7948

4y↑4.8K

I love the sound of his laugh , his laugh are amusing . 😂💕

@averagemanful

4y↑50

I are liking it too

@cinnabonbon

4y↑28

aveRAGE joe i are in fact liking it to

@user-bg2hd8xm1y

4y↑18

And the fact that you don't know what grammar is. Is amusing

@rasskhovp528

4y↑51

allie kasarcik

incorrect punctuation in the middle of your sentence.

@cyerripaws8270

4y↑30

allie kasarcik lol that was uncalled for bruh she just expressed she liked his laugh, u didn’t have to go “WelL youR GrammAr iS AmuSIng”

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@michellejames2447

That overeating healthy foods thing is so on point. I've seen people do that so many times and they get all proud of themselves like they should be getting a pat on the back.

@diablominero

27w

I'm inclined to stop telling my doctor most of my symptoms, because she can't resist the urge to investigate or treat any symptoms I mention, and sometimes I have something adequately handled on my own.

@jon4661

3y↑1

0:55 As a guy born with 6 toes on each foot, this one gave me a good laugh.

@shortlilrope

I’ve been the pre-med and med student in patient rooms. Some are totally fine with it, others feel obligated to let you in (news flash, you’re not) and then you have some that say, “you can’t learn by standing all the way back there! Come on in, have a look, have a feel if you want.” This exact experience occurred as a student during a uro-gynecology rotation. Pt was on her follow up from having fistula surgery where mesh was inserted. It was a pretty cool experience so early on in my career.

@avanastasio9192

2y↑1

watching you makes me feel like i’ve been jipped out of a good doctor my entire life!!! i’m 17 and have a herniated disc and back in july when i herniated it (didn’t know it was herniated yet, i just was SO over the pain) , i went to my primary care doctor and she took x-rays and said everything was fine, but i was pretty constipated, so my back pain was from constipation and my fix was to drink miralax twice a day!! went back a few days later to another doctor because i could no longer move and finally got a CT and a proper diagnosis! now i’m on the search for another doctor because no one wants to treat me because of my age! i went to a spine surgeon and she said i was exaggerating and i just needed to take 2 aleve twice a day!!! i’m beyond frustrated!! i just want to be able to work again, and be a normal teenager, and be able to put my pants and shoes on without excruciating pain, and especially be able to walk around school without falling or being close to passing out from the pain!!! i just want it to end!!!

@babybaklavagus

36w

I hope things have improved for you! Never stop championing yourself and being your own advocate. Doctors don't know everything and those that act like they do, you should push back on or walk away completely (if that's an available option). Advocating for yourself is EXTREMELY crucial when you're outside the "expected" age range for a condition and you have to be the one to remind the doctor that there are always exceptions. Having back up helps too, whether that's your parents or friends so the doctor doesn't talk you into thinking you're the crazy one. And idk maybe getting nurses on board--sometimes nurses know better than doctors.

Also just as an fyi, "jipped" is spelled "gypped," which is a horrible slur for "gypsies" aka Roma/Romani people, as it implies they are all charlatans. Just mentioning it because knowing the spelling wouldn't make a difference in how offensive it is, particularly when you use it in speech. (I didn't know this as a teenager either.)

@ameliecarre4783

4y↑309

This "you owe me half an hour of my life back" is so perfectly expressed. If only they actually had to pay for the time wasted.

@MoogieB

4y↑2

But it evens out with the time patients wait to see the doc!

@hkr667

4y↑2

I once had to pay 44 cents for medication. The printing of the bill and electronic payment costs more ><.

@ameliecarre4783

@@MoogieB I don't think so, no.

@kevinlandrini6799

4y↑1

i can imagine a story based on a society where people pay for things with time and not money. it sounds familiar. is there actually a book like that?

@ameliecarre4783

@@kevinlandrini6799 I think there's a movie. With Justin Timberlake. I haven't seen it so I'm not sure but time is a currency of sort. And when you're poor, you run out of time and you die.

@nairoty3256

3y↑1

Honestly, there are times when I'd totally buy that toe remover! There are a couple of them that like to bother me every other week xD

@CharleyWales1999

We don't have The Onion in the UK, but if we did, and it was a printed newspaper, I can imagine it being delivered like a Lady Whistledown 😂

@LadyCarol77

Lol! I used to work in a pharmacy and I know exactly which antibiotic you're talking about. The first time I got the "prior auth" rejection, I was like...bruh. For real? For this? I was shook. After a while, I just called all the nearby clinics and requested that they prescribe the tablets instead of the capsules so we wouldn't have to waste their time with prior auth requests.

@andrewjohnson6716

3y↑8

6:18 Story time. When I got my vasectomy I ended up with an infection that had my genitals temporarily deformed. While I was waiting in the waiting room, my attending physician came in with a medical student asking to see my condition. At the time there was a “candy-striper” (community volunteer with no medical training) in the room so I refused. I guess the story got around because the rest of my stay at the hospital was made up of doctors coming I to my room with students, self-righteously explaining that it was a teaching hospital and the value of showing medical students active conditions, me explaining what happened, and then the doctor agreeing that that never should have happened. I wonder how many times the doctor who admitted me got talked to by each subsequent doctor.

@anadd6195

My dentist (Portugal) told me it's not good to whiten teeth with no good reason and that I didn't need it, etc. We get along really well and I was happy that he told me what it can do and that my teeth are just fine. It was honest and educational.

@johnnyfines627

4y↑686

“You owe me a half hour of my life back.” I’m using this every time I have to talk to dumb people from now on. 😂

@harveyabel1354

4y↑4

You do know they're *everywhere*?

@melissablackwood

4y↑12

Then you'll waste another half hour trying to explain it to them... because they're dumb.

@dylannecros3636

4y↑7

@@melissablackwood then tell them they owe you an hour.

@johnnyfines627

4y↑2

@@melissablackwood Or... I don’t explain it at all, and even though I won’t get that half hour back, I’ll save the half hour not explaining it to them. I’ll say I broke even and call it a day.

@jushiii_146

4y↑1

Coming from a country with one of the best health insuranceses: I feel so sorry that stuff like that is actually happening in the biggest economy of the world :(

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@michealdrake3421

In college I had a sociology teacher who mentioned the thing about the teeth. She travels a lot and she said she consistently get recognized as American because of her teeth. The first time it happened she was in Italy and a woman she was talking to asked if she was American. She said yes and asked how she knew. The woman said is was because her teeth were so straight and white.

In a lot of countries, especially those with some kind of government healthcare, wait lists for elective procedures like braces can be months or even years long, so most people simply don't bother unless it becomes a serious health concern. It's something that I thought was kind of interesting, another unexpected difference

@mrcheshire104

2y↑1

“Does your doctor have crow’s feet? That means they care ☺️” I can’t stop laughing-

@kierstenbriellavlog8349

Yeah I thought about CROW FEET not the smile line crow feet

@nemo_is_real

i love listening to doctor mike while i draw or do schoolwork :)

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