A Fine Romance
Louis & Ella Lyrics

A fine romance, with no kisses
Our relationship lacks intimacy

A fine romance, my friend this is
Despite our lack of physical connection, we are still a romantic pair

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
We should be passionate and fiery together

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
However, you are emotionally unavailable to me

A fine romance, you won't nestle
You won't cuddle with me

A fine romance, you won't wrestle
You won't playfully engage with me

I might as well play bridge
I might as well engage in a non-romantic activity

With my old maid aunt
With someone who has no romantic interest in me

I haven't got a chance
Our relationship is hopeless

This is a fine romance
Our lack of connection is a sad reality

We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
We should fit together perfectly

But we just fizz like parts of seidlitz powder
But instead, we are incompatible

A fine romance, with no glitches
Our relationship appears problem-free

A fine romance, with no beaches
Our romance lacks spontaneity and excitement

Just as hard to land as the Isle de France
Trying to make things work between us is like trying to conquer a difficult task

This is a fine romance
Our relationship is far from perfect

You take romance, I'll take jello
You are disinterested in romance

You're calmer than the seals
You are emotionally cold

At least they flap their fins
At least the seals express some form of feeling

To express emotion
To demonstrate what they're feeling

A fine romance with no quarrels
Our relationship seems to be trouble-free

With no insults and all morals
We treat each other with respect, but there is no chemistry

I've never mussed the crease
I have never disheveled your clothing

In your blue serge pants
In your trousers made of a durable wool fabric

I never get the chance
I never get the chance to be intimate with you

This is a fine romance
Our relationship is mediocre

Two old fogies who need crutches
We are old and set in our ways

True love should have the thrills
True love should have passion and excitement

That a healthy crime has
That an exciting, forbidden romance has

Oh we don't have the thrills
Our romance lacks passion and excitement

That the march of time has
That something that naturally comes with age and time

A fine romance, my good woman
Our relationship seems fine, but is it really?

My strong aged in the wood, woman
You are strong, like an aged wine

You never give the orchids I sent a glance
You don't appreciate my romantic gestures

No I prefer cactus plants
No, I prefer something more durable than flowers

This is a fine romance
Our relationship is lackluster

My dear duchess
My esteemed lady

Two old fogies who need crutches
We are old and set in our ways

True love should have the thrills
True love should have passion and excitement

You know Louie we don't have half the thrills
We don't have any passion or excitement

That the march of time has
That something that naturally comes with age and time