Don't Wake Me
Love and Theft Lyrics

We've been together for so very long
We have been in a romantic relationship for an extended period.

But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
But there seems to be a shift in the dynamics of our relationship, and I am uncertain why.

Seems you don't want me around
It appears as though you would rather I not be present.

The passion is gone and the flame's died down
The intense feelings of affection and desire that we once shared have diminished, leaving us with less vibrant emotions.

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
I may have experienced a slight decline in my self-confidence.

That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
When you engaged in sexual activity with the entire hockey team, that significantly damaged my self-esteem.

You used to think I was nice
You once held favorable opinions of me.

Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist
Nowadays, you spread rumors to your acquaintances claiming that I am an evil being.

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
I am bewildered as to why you would tamper with my car's brakes.

That kind of thing is hard to ignore
I cannot disregard such a severe and dangerous action.

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
I have a suspicion that your affection towards me has dissipated.

I knew that we were having problems when
I realized that our relationship was struggling when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You placed flesh-eating fish in my bathtub for a second time

You're still the light of my life
Despite everything, you are still the most important person in my life.

Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?
My love, I implore you to cease threatening me with a dangerous weapon.

You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
A part of me finds it endearing when

You poison my coffee just a little each day
You slowly poison my morning beverage on a regular basis.

I still remember the way that you laughed
I can still recall the sound of your laughter

When you pushed me down that elevator shaft
When you violently shoved me down an elevator shaft.

Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
If you wouldn't mind answering, why is there a venomous snake

Doing in my underwear drawer?
Inside my undergarment storage compartment?

Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more
At times, I receive the impression that you no longer possess romantic feelings for me.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
You violently pressed my face against a hot outdoor cooking device.

Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
Although my physical scars are recovering, my emotional wellbeing seems irreparable.

You set my house on fire
You intentionally started a fire within the building that I reside in.

You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers
You painfully extracted my chest hair with a tool that was no longer in good condition.

Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You believe that I possess an unattractive appearance and frequently state that I am inexpensive.

You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
While I was unconscious, you removed my eyebrows using a razor.

You drilled a hole in my head
You perforated a gap in my skull by piercing it with a drill.

Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead
Subsequently, you discarded my lifeless body in a narrow, running waterway with no intention of reviving me.

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
Your recent behavior is quite peculiar and inconsistent with your typical conduct.

You never acted this way before
You have never exhibited such attitudes or actions in the past.

Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Sweetheart, intuition informs me that you no longer bear affection for me, oh no no.

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
I have a gut sensation that your romantic love for me has expired.