Used To
Lucidious Lyrics

I used to feel like the world was against me
I used to feel like I was constantly facing challenges and obstacles in life that made me feel isolated and alone.

I used to feel like no one understands me
I used to feel like nobody could relate to my struggles or see things from my perspective.

I used to write in the back of my class
I used to express myself through writing, often doing so during class time.

I heard em talking but never attached
I overheard other people's conversations, but never really felt a connection to them or joined in.

Focused on music but somehow I passed
I concentrated on my love for music, but still managed to excel academically.

I tend to leave before anything lasts
I have a tendency to exit situations and relationships before they have a chance to develop or become long-term.

I hate a lot of things I used to do
I have a strong dislike for many of the things I did or the person I used to be in the past.

I used to fight for no reason in school
I would engage in physical altercations with other students without a valid justification.

Feeling bad now that I made fun of you
I regret having previously teased and mocked someone else, and now feel remorseful.

I'm sorry for that
I sincerely apologize for my previous actions.

Blame it on drama inside of my head
I attribute these behaviors to the intense emotional turmoil I used to experience internally.

Blame it on anger inside of my chest
I attribute these behaviors to the deep-seated anger or rage that I used to feel inside

Too many words that I shouldn't have said
I spoke unnecessarily or used inappropriate language during these situations.

I'm tired of lying so I'll tell the truth
I no longer want to hide the truth and have decided to be honest instead.

I would manipulate just to get through
In the past, I have twisted situations or events in my favor, even if it meant deceiving others.

Ah, just to get through
I resorted to manipulating others as a means of getting by or making it through difficult circumstances.

You called it a home, but it felt like a roof
Although others may have perceived a place or situation as comfortable or welcoming, it felt like a cage or a burden to me.

So I took it out on everyone I knew
I projected my built-up anger and frustration onto others, often lashing out at those closest to me.

How many bottles I went through
I drank excessively, consuming a large quantity of alcohol on various occasions.

I'm not in control
I recognize that sometimes events happen beyond my ability to influence or direct.

If you really knew the person that I am inside my soul
If you truly understood me at a deeper level, beyond just surface-level appearances or actions.

Then you might run away
If you were to really comprehend my thoughts and feelings, you might be frightened or intimidated.

In the mirror watch it break
I witness my own self-destructive tendencies and negative traits when I look at my reflection.

I don't recognize all of the shit I did back in the day
I am ashamed of some of the behaviors and decisions I made in the past and do not identify with them anymore.

Making fun of peoples' something that I used to do
I would belittle or mock others in the past, but have since realized the hurtfulness and wrongness of this behavior.

Blame my father for my problems something that I used to do
I would place the blame for my personal issues on my father in the past, but have come to realize that it was unfair and inappropriate.

Judging others by the way they look is what I used to do
I held prejudiced beliefs and would stereotype or judge individuals purely based on their appearance.

Get addicted to some medications what I used to do
I struggled with a dependency on certain prescription drugs in the past.

The world we're living in is burning this ain't new to you
The tumultuous state of our world and society is not a new concept or experience.

Are you gonna do it different guess that is for you to choose
The decision of whether or not to break away from toxic or negative patterns is ultimately up to each individual, and requires personal effort and growth.

So many people look up to me only because I been speaking my mind
I have garnered a strong following or fanbase due to my honest and forthright speech in my music or other public appearances.

I been looking for something to fill up a void, but I'm in a space that I cannot define
Despite my search for something meaningful or fulfilling, I find myself feeling lost or indescribably empty.

Written hundreds of songs, most of em tossed aside
I have created many works or pieces of art, but most of them were discarded or disregarded.

Take a peek inside my mind I offer you a piece of mine
I am willing to share my thoughts or inner workings with others, even if it may be difficult to do so or if others do not understand.

And if you're growing in the passing days then you should not align
If you are evolving or changing as a person over time, you should not try to hold yourself to past expectations or behaviors.

With what you used to do
You shouldn't cling to old ways of thinking or acting that no longer feel authentic or fit with your current values.

The person that you used to be
The version of yourself from the past that no longer represents who you are today.

I'm killing off the villain that I was this is his eulogy
I am putting to rest the harmful or negative aspects of my past self, effectively burying them in order to grow into a better person in the future.