Fear
M.N.S Lyrics

Fear
The feeling of uncertainty and dread about the future

This was the moment I feared
The moment that I have been anxious about has come to fruition

Reoccurring dream, I was falling
I have had this dream before, where I am plummeting downward

Droppin' from something tall
I'm falling from a great height

And Jesus name that I'm calling
I'm so scared that I'm even invoking the name of Jesus

This is pretty deep how I'mma decorate the city street
If I fall and die, it will be a gruesome sight

Little bitty pieces there's really gonna be some chalky drawings
My body will be fragmented upon impact and there will be chalk outlines drawn around it

In this dream I had, when I land
The dream is so vivid that I can recall the details

I can taste the blood, I can smell the concrete
I can almost feel and sense the blood and concrete after hitting the ground

And I can feel my bones crush on a calm street
I can imagine the bones in my body breaking upon impact with the street

Dark and desolate, my heart I never get
The dream is in a dark and empty place that scares me

Another beat I'm gonna be other head to split, my hell is credited
If I die, my life will be cut short, and I will go to Hell

Where the red is in, I'm down and dead admit in light I'm dreadin' this
I'm scared to die, and I know that I am facing death

If we're created of God than predestination
If we believe in God, then we believe his plan for us is predetermined

Should not be looked at as odd, when we're blessed to wake in-
We shouldn't fear death if we believe in God's plan for us

Side of a dream, like I've been here before
The dream feels familiar, like I've experienced it before

And we sum it up with some french expression like we didn't hear the lord
We often ignore God's teachings and phrases his words in irrelevant ways

So I'm hopin' and prayin'
I am relying on hope and prayer to get me through my fears

That I won't be opened and sprayin'
I hope that I will not be shot or killed in real life

In real life and it's just a dream, and it's not a thing that can sway my view
I hope that my dream is not a sign of what's to come, but rather a manifestation of my fears

But my fear is that I end up layin' and ready for decayin'
I fear that I will die soon, and my body will begin to decompose

What I thought was a dream now it's Déjà vu
I thought the dream was just a dream, but it feels like it's actually happening

If I fall will the angels catch me?
If I die, will the angels be there to catch me and take me to heaven?

Or in it all is it my destiny?
Is death inevitable and predetermined?

Is there a sound when the ground absorbs me?
What happens when my body hits the ground upon death?

Or a dream tellin' me my story
Or is this all just a dream, and it's trying to tell me something?

I called up my mother, but who answered my brother
I called my mom, but my brother answered the phone instead

He said "she real sick but I'm gonna put her on just tell her you love her"
My brother tells me that my mom is sick, but he will put her on the phone for me

My heart it just fluttered when mama picked up she would utter
I was nervous but also relieved when my mom answered the phone

"Who is this?" I said "Donnie", but she thought I was another
My mom did not recognize my voice, as she has an illness affecting her memory

Didn't even know me, and she's not an oldie
It was surprising and sad that my mom could no longer remember me

It's the lupus or epilepsy
The illness my mom is facing is either lupus or epilepsy

Maybe the psychosis solely
It could also be a mental illness causing her to forget things

"This your son I just called to say happy birthday"
I told my mom it was my birthday, and I wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday

Not really knowin' me hit me in the worst way
It was heartbreaking to realize my own mother did not remember me

Then she said "Oh yeah, little Donnie, how you doin' in school?"
My mom tried to remember and asked how I was doing in school

I said "I'm 42, mommy!"
I laughed and told her that I am now 42 years old

I give my arm, leg, leg, arm, head if that means my momma get better
I would give anything, even my limbs, to make my mom better

Toughest thing to swallow is when someone who raised you, they gonna forget ya
It's hard to accept that the person who raised you can no longer remember who you are

I'm feelin' sadness, I'm feelin' anger
I'm feeling a mix of emotions including grief and frustration

Steady praying for a higher power to come down and change it
I am constantly praying for God to intervene and make my mom better

Rearrange her cause my fear is that the sickness in her mind
I fear that the illness in her mind will change her into a different person

In due time it'll make her son a stranger
In time, the illness will cause my mom to forget me entirely

A stranger to the one who raised us
My mom will no longer be able to recognize or remember me

Nameless to the one who named us
It's heartbreaking that the person who named me will no longer know who I am

Back to the place where it all began
I may have to return to my childhood home to care for my ailing mother

I'm seeing heaven but I fear it's the end
I may be tempted to give up and die, but I'm scared of what comes after death

Taught to have faith in God
I was raised to believe that faith in God can get me through hard times

Breakin' bread then we bakin' K.O.D
We break bread, but later on, we engage in drug dealing

Makin' plenty then spread it abroad
We make a lot of money from selling drugs and spread the wealth

Wash it down with a glass of Shiraz
We celebrate our financial success by drinking wine

I try to walk the path of the righteous one
I strive to be a good person and follow God's teachings

But this life is one, that's full of strife, let's run
Life is hard and difficult, and we must run away from things that will harm us

To the mountain top
We must look to spiritual enlightenment and achieve higher consciousness

What I'm 'bout to say if suckas starts to thinking this holy name
I'm about to say something that may be controversial and may not align with everyone's beliefs

I denounce then stop
I will speak out against something, then stop engaging with it

Man, I'm just sayin'
I'm just expressing my opinion

I do a whole lot of prayin'
I pray a lot for my mom and other situations in my life

And I wonder if it's listenin' to Aaron's nightly whisperin'
I wonder if God is listening to my prayers, like Aaron's whispers at night

'Bout mom in the tithe she's weakly payin'
I wonder if God is listening to Aaron's prayers for my mom's tithing

I know it's a blessing, that I raised kids cause I got skill
I am grateful that I was able to raise kids because I had the ability to do so

And thank God that gangbang thing didn't bring me hot steel
I am grateful to be alive and not dead or in prison from gang activity

Now my mom's worse and a lot ill
My mother's condition has worsened and is now very sick

My fear is that this God I'm prayin' to for my mother is not real
I fear that God does not exist and my prayers for my mother will be unanswered

Extinguish me from this world of fire
I want to die and leave this painful world behind

False teachings taught by liars
I am fearful that the teachings I've been exposed to may be false or lies

Prayers that go in an empty asylum
My prayers may be empty and unanswered by a higher power

No salvation from this messiah
I fear that I will not be saved by a higher power or messiah