A Fine Romance
Malcolm Lockyer And His Orchestra Lyrics


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A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)

A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't even wrestle
You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
You never take a chance, this is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take Jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, my dear Duchess
Two old fogies, we really need crutches
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce)
I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good woman
My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman
You never give those orchids I send a glance




They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)
This is a fine romance!

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Malcolm Lockyer And His Orchestra's song A Fine Romance are an entertaining take on a seemingly one-sided romance. The singer sings about their romantic partner who seems unresponsive and disinterested, leaving them feeling rejected and frustrated. The lyrics playfully juxtapose the idea of a "fine romance" with the lack of physical and emotional intimacy in the relationship. The line "We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes / But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes" captures this contradiction, contrasting the singer's desire for closeness with their partner's emotional distance.


The rest of the song continues in the same vein, with the singer expressing their disappointment at their partner's lack of affection. The lines "You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants / You never take a chance" illustrate their partner's reluctance to take risks in the relationship. Meanwhile, the singer humorously expresses their own frustration, singing lines like "You take romance, I'll take Jello", highlighting the divergent attitudes towards love and intimacy.


Line by Line Meaning

A fine romance with no kisses
We're in a romantic relationship, but there is no physical intimacy, no affectionate kissing


A fine romance, my friend, this is
Our relationship may lack passion, but it is a pleasant and enjoyable friendship


We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)
We should be filled with passion and intensity, like ripe, juicy tomatoes


But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)
However, you are emotionally distant and unresponsive, like leftover, unappetizing mashed potatoes


A fine romance, you won't nestle
Even when we're close, you refuse to cuddle and get cozy


A fine romance, you won't even wrestle
You won't engage in playful physical contact or fun wrestling matches


You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
You've never been physically close enough to me to accidentally wrinkle or dishevel my clothing


You never take a chance, this is a fine romance
You are too cautious and hesitant to take any romantic risks, which may make our relationship pleasant, but not exciting


A fine romance, my good fellow
My dear companion, despite our lack of passion, I greatly enjoy spending time with you


You take romance, I'll take Jello
You have no interest in romance or passion, while I'm more interested in light-hearted, trivial pleasures (like gelatin dessert)


You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
You are very composed and unruffled, perhaps to a fault


At least they flap their fins to express emotion
Even seals in a remote, isolated environment show some outward signs of feelings, which you do not


A fine romance, my dear Duchess
My beloved partner, even though our relationship may lack excitement


Two old fogies, we really need crutches
As elderly people, we need literal assistance, but also metaphorical help to keep our relationship lively and fulfilling


You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce)
You are equally hard to win over as a prestigious ocean liner like the Ile de France, which was very difficult to board or book passage on


I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romance
I feel like I have no hope of winning your affection, even though we do have a pleasant rapport


A fine romance, my good woman
My dear partner, with whom I have a respectable and amiable relationship


My strong, aged-in-the-wood woman
You are a mature, experienced woman with great strength of character and resilience


You never give those orchids I send a glance
You do not acknowledge or appreciate the gifts I give you, like beautiful orchids


They're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)
My romantic gestures are futile and go unacknowledged, as if I were giving you prickly, unattractive cactus plants


This is a fine romance!
Overall, our relationship is average or good, even if it lacks passion or excitement




Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, RESERVOIR MEDIA MANAGEMENT INC
Written by: JEROME KERN, DOROTHY FIELDS

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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