Mary Lou Lord first gained notice playing acoustic guitar and singing in and around Boston subway stations (particularly on the Red Line, as noted by the name she chose for her music and lyric publishing company, On the Red Line Music.)
She has claimed that she had a romantic relationship with Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain before the group's rise to mainstream fame. This claim was disputed by some, including Cobain himself, though it has been suggested that Cobain's wife Courtney Love made him publicly lie about his past relationships to prove his devotion to her. In 1994, Lord showed up uninvited at a party for Courtney Love's band Hole, which ended with Love chasing Lord down Sunset Strip.
Lord toured three separate times with Elliott Smith during the 1990s. He also wrote and helped Lord record a song called, "I Figured You Out", in 1997. Smith would later say that, "I gave that song away 'cause I thought it sounded like The Eagles and that it sucked."
Her recordings have been a mixture of covers (including songs by Elliott Smith and Richard Thompson) and original material, with a number of songs written by, or in collaboration with, Nick Saloman of the British band The Bevis Frond.
Her recording of Daniel Johnston's "Speeding Motorcycle" (which was originally featured on her self-titled 8-song Kill Rock Stars release) was featured in commercials for Target stores, after which her label reissued the song as the lead-off track of a CD single which also included two demo recordings from the sessions for Got No Shadow.
In 2001, Lord released Live City Sounds. This was a self-released disc of Mary Lou playing live in the Boston subway. The disc was later re-released after Mary Lou signed to Rubric Records.
She announced in 2005 that she suffered from a rare vocal chord affliction known as spasmodic dysphonia. She thereafter became more involved in A&R work and started Jittery Jack Management with her husband, Kevin Patey.
43
Mary Lou Lord Lyrics
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Fucking folding chairs in the hallway
Crucified, paralyzed
You laugh, I cry
Calculating my miscalculations
What is the sign for
I'm choking to death?
It must be something I have said
Sighted blind
Braille is fine
Two black eyes
Are you a badass or just a fucking asshole?
What is the sign
For I'm choking to death?
Something's caught in my throat
Could it be something I have said?
There's too much, not enough
God and dog, well I've seen a dog
I'll take my chances and sleep like a dog
Hard in the ground, dig
God, dog, God, dog
Agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic
I'm wide awake and I'm wondering if there is a god
Mary Lou Lord's "43" is a song with a completely raw and unfiltered journey of existential questioning, confusion, and desperation. The beginning of the song itself poses a haunting and potent image of a mind hemorrhaging, portraying a chaotic and disturbed state of mind. The following lines refer to the discomfort and distress of being amidst a hostile environment, surrounded by folding chairs, and depicts a feeling of being paralyzed and crucified. The contrast between the singer's tears and the listener's laughter is yet another poignant component, indicating how different their perspectives of the situation are. The phrase 'calculating my miscalculations' is an ironic and oxymoronic statement, suggesting how the singer is constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing themselves, leading to more confusion.
The repetition of the lines 'What is the sign for I'm choking to death?' and 'Something's caught in my throat; could it be something I have said?' signifies that the singer is feeling suffocated and smothered. The metaphorical language used to describe the state of mind creates an all-consuming feeling of despair and helplessness. The line 'sighted blind, Braille is fine,' denotes how elusive the answers to the singer's questions seem to be, even as they seem to poke around for meaning.
The final portion of the song seems to succumb to a form of nihilism when the singer says, 'God and Dog, well, I've seen a dog, I'll take my chances and sleep like a dog, Hard in the ground, dig.' The line suggests a loss of faith and an ultimate resignation to an unknown fate. The following lines of 'agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic,' show a closer glimpse into the singer's backstory, outlining the challenges in their life. The ultimate line, 'I'm wide awake and wondering if there is a god' leaves the audience with an immense sense of dread and uncertainty, accentuating the theme of existential questioning prevalent throughout the song.
Line by Line Meaning
Mind hemorrage
I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed to the point of physical pain
Fucking folding chairs in the hallway
My surroundings are frustrating and uncomfortable
Crucified, paralyzed
I feel trapped and helpless in my current situation
You laugh, I cry
Your enjoyment of my misery and pain only makes me feel worse
Calculating my miscalculations
I'm constantly second-guessing myself and regretting past decisions
What is the sign for
I'm choking to death?
I feel like I'm suffocating in my current circumstances
Something's caught in my throat
It must be something I have said
I'm feeling guilty and responsible for my current situation
Sighted blind
Braille is fine
I can see but I'm still blind to the truth, while others can't see but still understand
Two black eyes
Are you a badass or just a fucking asshole?
I'm questioning whether the person causing me harm is deserving of respect or simply a bully
There's too much, not enough
God and dog, well I've seen a dog
I'll take my chances and sleep like a dog
Hard in the ground, dig
God, dog, God, dog
I'm confused and overwhelmed by conflicting ideas about life and death, but will try to find peace in accepting my mortality
Agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic
I'm wide awake and I'm wondering if there is a god
Despite my personal challenges, I have a restless curiosity about the existence of a higher power
Writer(s): Nick Saloman, Mary Lou Lord
Contributed by Riley R. Suggest a correction in the comments below.