Mary Lou Lord first gained notice playing acoustic guitar and singing in and around Boston subway stations (particularly on the Red Line, as noted by the name she chose for her music and lyric publishing company, On the Red Line Music.)
She has claimed that she had a romantic relationship with Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain before the group's rise to mainstream fame. This claim was disputed by some, including Cobain himself, though it has been suggested that Cobain's wife Courtney Love made him publicly lie about his past relationships to prove his devotion to her. In 1994, Lord showed up uninvited at a party for Courtney Love's band Hole, which ended with Love chasing Lord down Sunset Strip.
Lord toured three separate times with Elliott Smith during the 1990s. He also wrote and helped Lord record a song called, "I Figured You Out", in 1997. Smith would later say that, "I gave that song away 'cause I thought it sounded like The Eagles and that it sucked."
Her recordings have been a mixture of covers (including songs by Elliott Smith and Richard Thompson) and original material, with a number of songs written by, or in collaboration with, Nick Saloman of the British band The Bevis Frond.
Her recording of Daniel Johnston's "Speeding Motorcycle" (which was originally featured on her self-titled 8-song Kill Rock Stars release) was featured in commercials for Target stores, after which her label reissued the song as the lead-off track of a CD single which also included two demo recordings from the sessions for Got No Shadow.
In 2001, Lord released Live City Sounds. This was a self-released disc of Mary Lou playing live in the Boston subway. The disc was later re-released after Mary Lou signed to Rubric Records.
She announced in 2005 that she suffered from a rare vocal chord affliction known as spasmodic dysphonia. She thereafter became more involved in A&R work and started Jittery Jack Management with her husband, Kevin Patey.
Cold Company
Mary Lou Lord Lyrics
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My dirty past is spread all over town
Like a black cloud
Or a demon that comes when I call
And I'll drink till I don't know my very own name
And the block sells the memories that wound up my brain
Till the pain goes away
And I'm left feeling nothing at all
Nobody is leaving the light on for me
No use pretending that there oughta be
Someone who'll lie in my cold company
And take me as I am
And there must be a place
There must be a time
When everything started to slip out of line
And the rings on their fingers
Meant more then a cheap piece of gold
Now I don't bother to look at their hands
Nor at the women who once were my friends
I can pressure these tears
And pretend that I never grow old
Nobody is leaving the light on for me
No use pretending that there oughta be
Someone who'll lie in my cold company
And take me as I am
So leave me alone
Let me go my own way
And don't try to save me from moral decay
Just pay the next round
And I'll drink to a happy old day
Nobody is leaving the light on for me
No use pretending that there's gonna be
Someone who'll lie in my cold company
And take me as I am
And take me as I am
Who's gonna take me as I am?
In Mary Lou Lord's song "Cold Company," she speaks about feeling disconnected and alone due to her past. She mentions beating herself up and talking herself down, likely indicating that she struggles with self-esteem and self-doubt. Mary Lou Lord feels like her "dirty past" defines her and that everyone in town knows her mistakes. She likens her past mistakes to a black cloud or demon that haunts her persistently. When she drinks until she cannot remember her name or takes drugs to ease the pain, she tries to escape reality and forget her problems. However, when she's alone in her "cold company," she is forced to face the fact that nobody is there for her. She has no one to turn to, and nobody is there to leave the light on for her.
In the second verse, Mary Lou Lord hints at a time when everything started to unravel, indicating that her mistakes may have begun with someone she loved or trusted. Nowadays, she doesn't want to be close to anyone, let alone look at their hands or engage with women who were once her friends. She pretends to be strong and unemotional, but she is lying to herself. By the end of the song, she requests that people leave her alone and let her drink her problems away. Mary Lou Lord understands that nobody is going to save her from her moral decay because nobody is willing to take her as she is. The song ends by questioning aloud who is going to take her as she is.
Line by Line Meaning
Beat myself up and talk myself down
I have a tendency to criticize and berate myself
My dirty past is spread all over town
Rumors of my past mistakes and misdeeds are widely known and discussed in the community
Like a black cloud
This information hangs over me like a dark, ominous presence
Or a demon that comes when I call
These negative thoughts and feelings often consume me and are difficult to shake
And I'll drink till I don't know my very own name
I turn to alcohol to forget my problems and numb my emotions
And the block sells the memories that wound up my brain
I can buy drugs on my block to escape my thoughts and memories
Till the pain goes away
The substances provide temporary relief from the emotional pain I am experiencing
And I'm left feeling nothing at all
Ultimately, this only leaves me feeling empty and numb
Nobody is leaving the light on for me
No one is there to support or help me through my struggles
No use pretending that there oughta be
I know that I cannot expect others to fix my problems for me
Someone who'll lie in my cold company
All I want is someone who will accept me for who I am, despite my flaws and issues
And take me as I am
I want to be accepted and loved for who I truly am, without any judgment or conditions
And there must be a place
There has to be a time or a location where everything started to go wrong for me
There must be a time
There has to be a specific moment or period where things started falling apart in my life
When everything started to slip out of line
This was the turning point when things began to spiral out of control for me
And the rings on their fingers
Marriage was once an important and meaningful commitment for me and others
Meant more than a cheap piece of gold
Wedding bands represented true love and commitment, not just a material possession
Now I don't bother to look at their hands
I no longer have any interest in the lives or relationships of those around me
Nor at the women who once were my friends
I have lost touch with the people who used to be close to me and no longer maintain those relationships
I can pressure these tears
I have become adept at hiding my emotions and not showing my vulnerabilities to others
And pretend that I never grow old
I want to avoid dealing with the reality of aging and how it affects me and others
So leave me alone
I want to be left to my own devices and not have anyone try to intervene or help me
Let me go my own way
I want to make my own choices and decisions, regardless of how they may affect me
And don't try to save me from moral decay
Don't try to convince me to change my behavior or make better choices
Just pay the next round
Just buy me another drink and let me continue to escape my problems
And I'll drink to a happy old day
I will continue to pursue pleasure and avoid facing my problems, even if it means sacrificing my long-term well-being
Who's gonna take me as I am?
Despite everything, I still long for someone who will love and accept me for who I truly am, without any judgment or criticism
Contributed by Sophia O. Suggest a correction in the comments below.