Who Is Father Christmas ?
Maureen Lipman Lyrics

We have lyrics for these tracks by Maureen Lipman:

One Hundred Ways to Lose a Man The first way to lose a man You've met a charming…

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

FAST N BULBOUS

@huawei thirteenmegapixel Yes, Nicky Ottaway, apparently he dumped her, obviously as she was pestering him to get married to her or something. So check out the way I realised it was him that won..

I was wondering who the lucky bastard was in the country that won it, when I heard on the news that someone in the UK had won it. A few days later there were news reporters in the local pub my friend Jeremy was in, asking if anyone knew who the lottery winner was.. All they knew was he was a mechanic and amateur racing driver, no-one could help, but Jeremy posted on Facebook that the big lottery winner was from Coulsdon. I'm trying to think who it could be, but kind of at a blank..

A few days later the Top trending news story on Facebook was 'Mystery £108 million lottery winner revealed'... I prepare to see who it is, confident I would recognize them, as I have a good memory for faces. I see the couple celebrating infront of his new racing car, drinking champagne together.. I don't recognize the man, but recognize the woman, but can't think for the life of me, where from... I therefore immediately searched for her on Facebook, maybe we have mutual friends, which we did have 2 of.. But on that day (March 16th 2014) she decided to change her profile picture to her CAT.. I immediately recognise it as being my cat Lucy's twin sister, and I'm like holy shit, of course, it's the woman who took the other cats from me. She was even wearing the exact same oriental blouse in the celebration photo that she wore when she came to my house, it was very memorable, and admired it at the time. So ridiculous how that happened to me..

The Trotters were millionaires before he won the lottery.. His dad owns 4 factories next to e/o. Their main factory is a cat litter factory (B&D Clays) WTF!? 'cat litter factory'. Ottaway told me about that fact when she took the kittens. Pretty much the main reason I thought that maybe they are meant to have my kittens, as that was such a coincidence. Neil had his own car spraying factory (Chameleon coachworks) which is where I telephoned him to talk about him having the kittens. So yh, fucking Trotters, they did not need to win the lottery in the slightest.

Right, go and Google 'Lottery winner Lovechild' read that article. That is definitely his son which he denies. He's such a cunt. Says that he has fathered millions of children since his lottery win, everyone wants a bit of the money, or something like that. You see, total fucking cunt. I need to talk to him and tell him what his lottery win actually created. What would his perceptions of me be though? He can easily say that I must be crazy, claiming such nonsense that's not possible. He has the upper hand as he won it and is a definite truth, where as I could easily be crazy, trying to have some of his money. I have the lottery ticket I bought on the day which proves my story as true though. I deserve the win I should have won. He does not.

FAST N BULBOUS

@huawei thirteenmegapixelLong and complicated.. But in 2007 my cat Annabelle gave birth to 3 black kittens. In the same week my other cat Mia (her sister) died, so I had to keep one of the kittens as a replacement. I kept the adorable runt of the litter Lucy, who was quite similar to Mia, and we advertised in the local paper for homes for the other 2. This man from my town Neil Trotter wanted them both for him and his new girlfriend to have. I wanted them to go to a family, not a couple that had just met, which may not last, but I couldn't say that obviously, so gave him them a bit begrudgingly, and always been wondering how they have been coming along obviously, but unsure if that would ever happen..

7 years later in March 2014, I discover that it was somehow him who had just won the 3rd highest ever Euromillions jackpot of £108 million. Well there's my life suddenly gone weird. I obviously want to know about the welfare of my cats now. Whilst trying to work out how to contact him about it all, I started playing the lottery myself, due to my connection to the winner, and cuz I like doing things like this as I'm very autistic and like trying to find patterns in things, and games etc..

about 6 weeks after his win, I had come up with what I considered my perfect lottery line. No-one had won the jackpot since Trotter. On the day, the jackpot was back up to £72 million.. On the day (May2nd 2014) the most unfair series of events culminated in the fact that I didn't put down my new numbers. I kind of over-thought it all in the positions I was being put in. There not being a pen at the picking station in Tesco, being the reason I didn't put them down in the end, deciding Lucky Dips would be more likely to win anyway, rather than my stupid numbers..

every single one of my numbers came up and I hadn't put them. Someone else in the UK had all my numbers and won the entire £72 million that I would've split with them. Who was it?

I threw away not just £36 million, but 2 Euromillions winners in a row, not just from the same town ,but who also share cats as well. And have had an obscene event of misfortune in the decillions to one in odds. I've had the greatest misfortune that has ever happened on Earth. Me. Neil Trotter lives in a castle now with a massive fuck off lake. Yeah, he's doing alright. Dumped the girlfriend who came round and took the cats from me. where are the cats? I still don't know..

I had a stroke about a year later, which has destroyed my world record video game ability I used to have. My mum died the week after my stroke whilst I was in hospital.. Her parting gift to me was her substantial autograph collection. My dad didn't know, so took the majority to his other house he lives in with the other woman he been cheating on my mum with for years..

I got sent to mental hospital in 2016 thx to this event, put on drugs for schizophrenics when I'm not this. As a result I was forced to befriend crackheads and crazy people. This evil homeless crack-witch in there called Jackie, manipulated me. Stayed the night around my house a couple of weeks after I got out, and robbed me big time when I eventually fell asleep.. She found the stack of vintage framed autographed photos, which is the best part of the collection. They were still here, in my mum's old study, next to the picture montage of her, on the shelf. She stole the best 3, including the pride of the entire collection, the 'George Harrison'. This theft is fucking disgusting. She has no idea how important that autograph is. My mum was the main screaming Beatles fan from the famous old photos.. Google 'Hull Beatles fans' and you'll see her in the middle of the photo, hands on head, screaming.. She went backstage after that and got all the autographs, and George Harrison photo signed and framed, as he was her favourite. Quite the story and situation I am, right?

Maureen Lipman was also at the concert according to Wikipedia. You understand how I need desperately to contact her and tell her the situation. My life is a fucking nightmare. If there was a pen there, I'd be famous as that genius guy who worked out the lottery numbers, not the Crazy Lottery Guy I am instead. I would naturally like my compensation from the lottery due to the obliteration of life and defamation of my character... I think that they can afford it.

All comments from YouTube:

Chris Dark

4y↑31

If only adverts were like this these days, such a classic

Troll Face

3y↑1

old fogey 'don't make em like they used to' comment alert.

Zoe Bedford

3y↑7

I can't believe I was only 8 years old when I first saw this advert, time really does fly. In fact if I could, I would go back to the 80's right now because times were certainly a lot easier to endure back then than they are now.

Meg x

7y↑55

I'm graduating this week in my degree Psychology with Health studies. When my parents found I passed they told me about this advert and said they're proud I've got an Ology and that i'm now a scientist haha

Troll Face

Watch those Burgers, trainee, or i'll report the to the catering manager.

JBG

3y↑1

Mine said that too

TheWeardale1

great, you a personal trainer now?

Nicholas Sans Pasty

3y↑3

People may hold these nice cosy memories but this is where it was being sold off, where it all started to go wrong lol We would have had broadband earlier than most countries the planning was there but Thatcher put competition first and dragged us back. It's a well done advert with not so good intentions behind it, the NHS is going the same way slowly.

Marie McLaughlin

4y↑4

Used to love her in those adverts.especially the fridge one..where she says " if I knew you were coming I'd have got something in" and it was chocca blok full made my sons laugh cos that was me 😂😂

Mirtaz

This is the advert I'm still looking for 😂

James Thomson

7y↑13

Absolutely brilliant.

Muttley

10y↑6

Wonderful, so many memories.

elle14

11y↑4

This is a great advert!

Paul Revere

7y↑2

Great advert, of the time, yet timeless.

But yes, my experience of modern BT customer service is that it's mostly rubbish.

Gregory C

4y↑1

absolute classic

NumaticVacuum

8y↑15

All you people slagging of BT by this advert...err, well...This advert was for BT 28 years ago!! A company or rather, service! Changes a hell of a lot in that time.

Phil John

4y↑1

sheer class!

XtraSpecialMango

4y↑4

Maureen is very good at acting working class.

Agents of Rush

Up The Junction. She was good in that.

Stu Wright

11y↑3

not sure how this advert can seem so familier when i hav`nt seen it for 25 yrs!

flukeman022

there will always be something back or your mind you have forgot about all it takes is to see or hear it again "Oh yeah, I remember this. What a classic not the crap we get now!"

Paul Berry

11y↑6

Feels like it, but you're out by a few years. BT was sold off in 1984. This advert first aired late 1987.

Richard Steele

3y↑1

Either way it was Thatcher’s fault.

Richard Smith

3y↑1

Anorak 😁

ro7311

10y↑27

Positive mental attitude gone berserk! The good old days before the net, mobile phones...when you had to have 2p in your pocket to use the public phone and 10p for a longer call. Milk in glass bottles with a silver cap. Crossroad and Benny on the telly, TOTP and the djs we now know were dodgey as hell...

shaun truran

4y↑1

@Derek Press I remember ripping the operator off with the old "the phone has swallowed my money" gag

shaun truran

Ah the good old days.

Lesley Vivien

@Chaz Walker
Oh yes, Morse, that would be it. ;)

Chaz Walker

4y↑1

Yes, tappy tap tap - bit of morse 😉

Ann Other

Reverse charges?

7 More Replies...

HisDivineGraceImperialMajestyKingEmperorTonka

whats great about this advert is the grandma is so ....Positive !!!!!

Simon Hammond

6y↑7

Funny seeing her in Coronation Street.

mkcchmn

4y↑4

Love the utter ridiculousness of her last remark, "they can't mark.....a lot of them can't see...".

Osama Almulki

As far as I recall, I saw similar ads for the same lady in early 1980's ,

Jose Parcenary

8y↑1

Fitting that this ad is about trying to put a spin on failure.

G K

7y↑6

Keep away from contracts with BT and British Gas. End of lesson.

Ann Other

Fuck off Mr bitter

FAST N BULBOUS

7y↑8

Maureen Lipman's my 2nd aunt. I unfortunately never met her as my mum and her fell out a long time ago due to this stupid incident and then my mum hated her guts for it. I've always been pissed off about this, would have been good to have met her when I was younger. She could have gotten me into acting perhaps, which I obviously wanted to do desperately when I was a kid. I need to talk to her now and tell her who I am.Maybe one day I'll see her somewhere. Hope so.

FAST N BULBOUS

@huawei thirteenmegapixel Don't think I need to do that. This is just a gem of knowledge hidden on YouTube for the odd person to randomly discover. I doubt that person would be some sort of cunt as well. I'm connected to so much more interesting stuff, but I'll not bother with them. I'm connected to a few really famous murders for though. Meredith Kercher used to live 7 houses up the road from me before she was murdered for example. That was a massive story that. Used to work with Mark Dixie who murdered Sally Anne-Bowman, he's been in my car. and me and my friend Jeremy got hijacked by Stuart Hazell at a petrol station about 10 years before he killed Tia Sharpe. I guess I need to write a book about everything, as there's so much crazy stuff in my life.

FAST N BULBOUS

@huawei thirteenmegapixel Well yh, he grew up about a mile from me.. He went to Collingwood school in Wallington which is where I went for a couple of years when I was 7. Then he went to Reigate grammar school after that, which is the big school directly opposite Reigate St Mary's, which is where I went to after Collingwood, and the one that's in 4 Weddings and a Funeral. These schools are about 10 miles in the other direction. That's pretty coincidental with the schools. I watched 'Who Do You Think You Are' the other day, with him in it, which was mainly about his great-grandfather who was a patient at Cane Hill mental hospital most of his life. Cane Hill was opposite my bedroom, in the distance for over 25 years, till it was knocked down. So that would interest him. And I was sent to mental hospital as well which is coincidental. The 1st thing he was ever in was this program called 'Games World' on Sky One. That was my favourite program at school, the school opposite his school he went to. Then I go on to become one of the best video game players in the world. So yh, it should all really interest him. He's connected to Richard Curtis, as he does Sport Relief stuff as well.

FAST N BULBOUS

@huawei thirteenmegapixel Oh cool, you read how it happened. I know for a fact I am the most incredible story there's ever been, when everything is known. The good thing is that I have these very personal connections to 2 other significant people that could help me. I'm very interestingly personally connected to David Walliams and more importantly Richard Curtis. Synchronicity says that he is meant to help me and make my story into his final film. I was the reserve choir-boy in his 1st film '4 Weddings and a Funeral' My school was the choir in the film. Loads of my friends were in it, but I was unfairly the reserve, so he owes me for that sort of, and will be amazed at that for a start. And the other connections surely confirms it as a strong possibility he would want to help me.. I've learnt that his favourite thing in life is The Beatles. When he learns who my mum was and that her George Harrison has been stolen, he may very well want to help advocate me. His last film 'Yesterday' was about The Beatles. I had to keep turning the trailer off as I was too triggered by it. I'll have to tell him that fact when talking to him. It makes sense my story is made into his final film and good deed he does. After making that film, it would make sense to then be doing my one, which actually has a good reason for existing. I don't see how he would tell me "No, go away" or anything like that, He is too humble of a man to do something like that. I'm the person he's been waiting to meet his whole life, surely..

FAST N BULBOUS

12 More Replies...

adrian rybicki

8y↑4

absolutely shocking customer service, will never ever use bt again. after having to move house and being stuck in a contract with no way out than to pay an extortionate amount. rang them up 1 month before the contract was going to end and they said i cant cancel without a cancellation charge so i rang up once my contract ended only to be told i need to give 30 days notice that i wanted to cancel!!! and a cherry on the top was the fact that i also have to pay a £30 termination charge for cancelling my services altogether!!!!! absolute rip off and i will be complaining + going to trading standards with my experiences!!

Colin Lachman

Why didn't you just transfer the account to your new address instead of cancelling it?

Torahboy1

adrian rybicki

Dude, seriously. You need to get out more(!)

NT T

6y↑2

Why are you complaining about services via a YouTube video?! sigh This is a private individuals' YouTube account. A person who is sharing a vintage commercial with other internet users. This is not a BT complaint forum.

inbox0000

7y↑3

dude ita a YouTube video get over it

JJMCB26

4y↑1

She's on Coronation Street now hehe!

Andrew P

i had the patch on the glasses back then your grandmas very happy :0)

Dave Jones

9y↑1

Adverts are for the ones open to Brainwashing...I guest I'm surrounded by empty headed clones.

Ann Other

5y↑2

Dave jones - it's just a bit of fun from the 1980s. Go take another prozac

Dave Jones

I KNOW

Hiram Fibonik

+Dave Jones Mate, I see your point, but ¨empty headed clones¨ write ¨TW@TS¨ and ¨fcuk¨. The rest of us have the balls to write ¨twats¨ and ¨fuck¨, so...oh never mind...too sleepy, and you´re not worth the effort...zzz...

Scott Wallace

Is David Jason doing the voice over?

amy clarke

haha 😊good mum

Colin Sanderson

8y↑1

Can anyone tell me what was the Advertising Agency, who the copywriter on this?

Dayna Winer

7y↑1

Colin Sanderson Saatchi & Saatchi 👍🏻

Hiram Fibonik

8y↑1

+Colin Sanderson Dude, I´M NOT YOUR DAMN SEARCH ENGINE!

FAST N BULBOUS

She' s my mum's 2nd cousin.

Josh Allen

FAST N BULBOUS Aww fuck up would ye

FAST N BULBOUS

@Josh Allen Well cuz I never knew that's what it meant I was. I'm not good at knowing about all that, how that all works and have wondered what the shorter hand version of what she is in relation to me is, so now I know, she is my 3rd cousin. That's cool. Are you sure though? cuz she's about 30 years older than me and would've thought 3rd cousin would have to be similar to my age, maybe she's 3rd aunt or something complicated. Obviously it doesn't work like this then.

Can you therefore tell me what my mum's 1st cousin is in relation to me if you know about all this? Surely he's not my 2nd cousin when he's a lot older than me as well, so is something different. Cuz yh, my mum's 1st cousin was best friends with Rik Mayall and Ade Edmonson at Manchester university, doing drama with them. He taught Rik how to play Greensleeves on piano apparently. He had always been my favourite comedian as well, so this was very mad to be finding this out as well. I am connected to some seriously bonkers stuff. What is my mum's 1st cousin to me then?