Fade Away
Mikill Pane Lyrics

I know you hate to talk about this
I understand that you might not want to have this discussion

But this discussion needs to happen
However, we really need to talk about it

Cause I'm getting really tired of this ugly weekly pattern
Your behavior has been really exhausting and difficult to deal with on a regular basis

Of you ruining yourself because you cannot stop and think
You are causing harm to yourself because you are not able to control your actions

That your addiction to all types of drugs and alcoholic drinks
Your dependence on substances such as drugs and alcohol

Has spiraled out of control. When I met you, it was bad enough
This has become a severe problem and it was already a struggle when we first got together

You don't how often I've nearly left you cause I've had it up
I have considered leaving you many times due to the challenges your addiction has caused in our relationship

To here with the regular comedowns
I am tired of dealing with the aftermath and consequences of your substance use

I've battled for a year just to get you to calm down
It has taken a lot of effort on my part to try and help you manage your addiction

It's not only the after-effects that make me wonder why I care so much
The impact on your body and mind after using substances isn't the only reason why I question my commitment to this relationship

You're like a monster when you're drunk
You act like a completely different and frightening person when you are under the influence

And you're rarely sober
There are times when you are not using, but they are few and far between

That's why I'm scared for over half of the time
I am worried for your safety and well-being most of the time

At other times, I'm angry cause it seems your heart's set on dying
Occasionally, it seems like you have given up and are intentionally harming yourself

We're only nineteen, but you already seem tired of life
We are both still young, but you give off the impression of feeling done with life

Remember when you told me that you had a fire inside?
You once spoke about your passion and motivation

You also said it burns for me, and it's a shame
You expressed your love for me and how unfortunate it is that your addiction has caused these changes to our relationship

Because you gradually got colder ever since I lit the flame
However, since then, you have become more distant and uninterested in our relationship

And I'm doing all I can for you
I am putting in a lot of effort to try and support you

But it seems you can't stand the truth
However, it seems like you are resistant to hearing the truth about your addiction

But I'm gonna tell you anyway
Regardless, I am going to be honest with you

Cause I don't wanna let you fade away
Because I care about you and do not want to see you continue to harm yourself and your future

And it's like I've been the boyfriend that doesn't ever sleep and lets you stay with him
Sometimes it feels like I am simply enabling you to continue your destructive behavior by always being there for you

Just so your father doesn't see you in the state you're in
I have gone to great lengths to try and prevent your father from seeing you while you are under the influence

Remember when we met him? You believed that he would take me in
I recall the time when we first met your father and you had hoped he would be more accepting of our relationship

But he looked me up and down and said, 'Leave her alone, you waste of skin'
However, he was very hostile towards me and made it clear that he disapproved of me being in your life

You know he's never really liked me anyway, and he
Your father has never made it a secret that he does not care for me

Is almost desperate to find something to blame on me
He seems to be searching for any reason to place the blame for your behavior on me

He should be thankful for the times
However, he should be grateful for the times

I called an ambulance and climbed
When I had to call for emergency medical help and rode with you to the hospital

In with you, so I could ride with you to A & E
So that I could stay by your side until we reached the hospital

I don't wanna leave you knowing that I couldn't make you see
I am afraid of abandoning you if I cannot convince you to seek help for your addiction

A brighter light cause every time I tried, it made you moody
My attempts to encourage you and bring positivity into your life often result in frustration and irritability on your part

I can't focus when I finally start the day's duties
Your addiction and the stress it causes makes it difficult for me to concentrate on my own responsibilities and tasks

I can't believe I'm still getting good grades at uni
Despite the challenges in our relationship and your addiction, I am surprised and proud that I am still managing to do well in school

It's like you need me, but there's no love anymore
It feels like you rely on me for support, but there is no longer any genuine love or affection between us

It's just a repeat of what happened to my mother before
Our situation reminds me of what my mother went through in the past with my father's addiction

But why the fuck am I surprised? I knew what trouble you'd cause
I cannot be too shocked by the difficult position your addiction has put us in, as I had a sense of the potential problems it could create

And now I juggle my life and your struggle with yours
However, it is still challenging for me to balance my own life and needs with the challenges that come alongside your addiction

I didn't wanna say too much about my mum to you
I initially hesitated to tell you too much about my own family and personal experiences surrounding addiction

So I told you a pack of lies about her, babes. Nothing's true
I ended up fabricating stories and not being truthful with you, and now feel guilty about it

The truth is I watched helplessly as Hennesy fucked her over
The real truth is that I witnessed my mother struggle with addiction and be taken advantage of by her partner

Tell me, when you were seven, had you ever seen a drunken coma?
I am trying to illustrate how alcohol abuse can lead to severe consequences such as a coma, especially at a young age

I didn't think so
I assumed that you had not personally experienced or witnessed the severity of addiction's impact

I lived in a shit home
I grew up in a difficult living situation that was affected by addiction

Bullies didn't sympathize. I was fly-kicked til my ribs broke
I was also subjected to bullying and violence, including physical harm

I was only twelve. I started to think that the world does not give a fuck
These experiences led me to develop a cynicism about the world and lose faith in humanity's care and compassion

When your dad's behind bars and your mum's propping them up
With my father in prison, my mother had to bear the burden of managing our family on her own while also dealing with addiction

I haven't seen or spoken to my parents for a while now
I have not been in touch with my parents recently and am trying to distance myself from that part of my past

I don't know where they are and I never wanna find out
I have no idea about their current whereabouts and no interest in seeking them out

It ain't been simple to forget my mum
However, despite my attempts to distance myself, it has not been easy to forget my relationship with my mother and my past experiences

Cause giving you your first chance has made me feel like I'm giving her a second one
By attempting to help you with your addiction, it feels like I am giving my mother a second chance by proxy

And I refuse to do that, but I do it all the same
Even though I resist the idea of enabling your addiction, I still find myself doing it unintentionally

It's life and death to me, but to you it's all a game
The gravity of your addiction and its potential deathly consequences weighs heavily on me, but it seems as though you are not equally concerned

I fell in love with you, but fear could make me fall right through
I love you, but the fear surrounding your addiction could push me away or make our relationship crumble

So you've gotta lose the bottle before I do
It is your responsibility and choice to overcome your addiction before it causes lasting damage to our relationship and your health