Mitchell and Webb are David Mitchell and Robert Webb, a British comedy doub… Read Full Bio ↴Mitchell and Webb are David Mitchell and Robert Webb, a British comedy double act. They are best known for starring in the unusual Channel 4 sitcom Peep Show. They also have their own Radio 4 sketch show, That Mitchell and Webb Sound. Mitchell and Webb have written for Armstrong and Miller, and Big Train. They often appear with Olivia Colman, who was in both Peep Show and That Mitchell and Webb Sound.

Touching Cloth
Mitchell & Webb Lyrics

We have lyrics for 'Touching Cloth' by these artists:

Bootsauce touching cloth I don't think so bad motherfucker with a re…

We have lyrics for these tracks by Mitchell & Webb:

Now We Know We got no faces But we got ghosts They couldn’t save us But…

We have lyrics for these tracks by Mitchell:

Big Yellow Taxi They paved paradise Put up a parking lot With a pink hotel,…
Both Sides Now Rows and floes of angel hair And ice cream castles in…
Cold Why you always fuckin on the first time You're on your…

From Both Sides Now Rows and floes of angel hair And ice cream castles in…
Get in Line You’re always holdin me back You like me better when I…
In This Moment Where can I go next? I'm lost, there's nothing left…
Inside Of My Heart (My heart cries for you) (Sighs for you, dies for you) (And…
Life In Prison As the moon rises And shines into your eyes All the things…
New Recording 9 Late weekend night and I'm at the Bojar Grill I got…
Nicklous and whole lotta La la la la la La la la la la La la…
No Styles Out No Way Out Someday its gonna break down Its your way out It…
See You Our feet have known this floor from the times we…
Slide First you fill your cup and drink it up Slide to…
song I've never been afraid of nasty weather I've never met a…
Storm J'ai beau me dire que tout s'arrange et que tout…
THIS. IS. SOLEANNA. So this is it You packed your bags With books and bits…
Woodstock I came upon a child of God He was walking along…
You & Me I’m thinkin bout you You’re thinkin bout me Baby just you &…
you are my sunshine You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy When …

We have lyrics for these tracks by Webb:

Dont Want To Be I don't want to be right anymore I don't want to…
For You Clocking off at the end of another one Little skip in…
Galveston Galveston, oh Galveston I still hear your sea winds blowing …
Get Out Three, two, one Do you know where your accountants are? Woul…
Haven If I was free from you my darling I would start…
I Just Wanna Now honey I just can't be true I got a rambling…
In a Day or Two All the things that I've done And all the things that…
MacArthur Park Spring was never waiting for us, girl It ran one step…
Please Oh baby, won't you please come home? 'Cause your mama's all…
Secrets DAMN YOU FOR YOUR WOUNDED LOVE DAMN ME FOR MY WEAKNESS DO…
Who Am I Who do I think I am What made me think that…

Who Am I? Who do I think I am What made me think that…

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

TRACKS

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Most interesting comment from YouTube:

@djnemesisuk

10y↑3

Cos way back in '99.. i touched cloth for the first time!

then ya got the movies....
touching cloth - attack of the turtle.
touching cloth 2 - the turtles revenge
touching cloth 3 - turtle recall

then the rhyme:

so...drop those underpants and look again, and see exactly whats a happenin,
the turtle grows bigger, the more that you see, increasing your chances of touching "C"

All comments from YouTube:

@StavroginNikolai

5y↑748

This is where Olivia really found herself on the Oscar trail.

@SwainBjornstrandt

3y↑6

She was always talented and wonderful though. She starred in tyrannosaurus, indie but excellent nonetheless.

@glipk

3y↑4

@@SwainBjornstrandt that was a brutal watch. Amazing film but so so dark

@QuadMochaMatti

2y↑6

Stop. With. The. Dang. Academy. Award. Mention. We. Get. It.

@StavroginNikolai

2y↑28

@@QuadMochaMatti my comment was made the night of the Oscars, it's not my fault you read 2-year-old comments 🤷‍♂️

@StavroginNikolai

2y↑2

@@QuadMochaMatti my comment was made the night of the Oscars, it's not my fault you read 2-year-old comments :)

8 More Replies...

@JuliusCaribou

4y↑493

Includes paid promotion apparently. Does YouTube think this is an advert for a dry cleaners called Touching Cloth?

@Narsuaq

3y↑47

It's up to the video uploader to have that label on. They most likely did it as a joke.

@JuliusCaribou

3y↑10

@@Narsuaq haha I assumed it was some sort of algorithm

@markreynolds1436

3y↑1

So funny

@LHyoutube

3y↑10

I think you meant to say: "Does YouTube think this is an advert for a dry cleaners called 'Touching Cloth?'?" :-p

@nog297

2y↑3

@@Narsuaq No, on old videos the algorithm can actually add that label itself.

1 More Replies...

@weswheel4834

4y↑321

I loved David Mitchell's "domestic practicality" voice that he puts on in sketches like these.

@spanqueluv9er

1y↑1

@weswheel4834 Why did you stop loving it, we wonders?🤔🧐🤷‍♂️

@weswheel4834

1y↑1

@@spanqueluv9er Oh, I like it again now. Not liking it was just a phase that I went through.

@hotelmario510

2y↑143

I love that this sketch is three straight minutes of people overexplaining a terrible pun.

@karmapolice9477

2y↑2

@@kevincarbone6831 well played

@robertjsmith

1y↑1

I know lets call it SKETCHLEY'S

@vonteflon

3y↑89

I’ve been in too many actual meetings like this to genuinely laugh about it.

@rogerramjet5302

3y↑9

Me too. The only difference being that someone would have a Boston matrix chart to demonstrate touching cloth. I usually find meetings like this a good time to play w#nk word bingo and see how many high brow one liners and buzz words can come out of sycophantic mouths in one meeting.

@chrisf1600

5y↑596

This is quite hard to watch. It brings up memories of my own failed business venture, Skidmark Cleaning ("Cleaning so fast... we'll leave skid-marks on your clothes !")

@stsk7

4y↑11

This actually made me laugh

@michaellavery4899

4y↑5

That was well thought out. Was it supposed to be a joke?

@DeathnoteBB

4y↑8

michael lavery I mean I hope so or they lost a lot of money on a bad name
The question is is your comment a joke? I really can’t tell

@pentelegomenon1175

4y↑3

There do exist people with the surname "Suck" so there could plausibly be a business out there called "Suck Dry Cleaning." There also exists a town named "Toad Suck" and I wonder what the dry cleaning businesses there are named, although I doubt this would result in any funny misunderstandings since people generally know the name of the town that they are currently in.

@jerribee1

3y↑1

😄

10 More Replies...

@ndumbunsungu

11y↑204

David Mitchell's smile after he says "Fringe Benefits... or A Cut Above" makes me piss myself laughing every time

@MrEAus

5y↑4

Reminiscent of Austin Powers a little...

@bonechip01

2y↑1

Like when Mark briefly thinks he's fitting in.

@PaladinswordSaurfang

7y↑186

"and it's funny because it involves poo!"

@LabradorIndependent

5y↑22

- Academy Award winning actress Olivia Coleman

@EmbodiedNonDuality

10y↑366

0:46 "it's got a ring to it hasn't it?...touching cloth." This gag seems to go unnoticed

@Shannmeister

8y↑96

I'm so glad someone else noticed that little nugget before it slipped past.

@waffleless

8y↑5

+Shannmeister Lol, I get it Shannmeister-meister.

@Shannmeister

8y↑14

waffleless Like me, I hope you too are flushed with pride! :)

@DanEllis

7y↑41

I think you're seeing a gag that isn't there.

@Zhalfrin

7y↑4

Yeah i agree with dan, whats the gag, can you explain it please?

22 More Replies...

@lewiscopland4568

3y↑14

"Is it funny?"
"Yes it is :)"

@bustymaiden

9y↑126

Watching while touching cloth

@andyzehner3347

4y↑24

They wouldn't need to advertise. They would get all the customers they could handle with a red tuba.

@joebleasdale5557

1y↑8

“It’s funny because it involves POO!” 😂

@caitthenerd7470

1y↑2

Oscar Winning actor Olivia Colman, everybody

@easycoding8255

7y↑96

2:00 always gets me, such a well delivered line

@iamyoursaviour

5y↑8

Delightful that she's won an Oscar now

@DeeDoubleYous

4y↑10

@@iamyoursaviour for this sketch specifically as well.

@blackjrdavidw

6y↑32

Went for the high brow poop joke, well done.

@sarahwyatte9554

4y↑54

YouTube seems to think this included a paid promotion? Did anyone see that on screen?

@sarahwyatte9554

4y↑5

I don't have ad block, and didn't see an ad. It just showed up as a pop up, like when someone is doing a paid promotion video. I was wondering if anyone else saw the pop up because I'm wondering if YouTube got confused and thought this was a video for an actual company.

@sarahwyatte9554

4y↑6

By pop up I mean more there was a small caption up in corner saying it.

@AllWordsAreDust

3y↑2

@Random Number I use ublock origin and I still see it

@thesuperginge1348

3y↑4

@@sarahwyatte9554 yup I got the same, and had the same thoughts about whether Youtube thought it was a real company haha

@nathr94

3y↑3

They're clearly promoting their new dry cleaning business.

@sjfoster12

6y↑20

"as they hand their clothes over, they'll be touching cloth"

@bagelofthefuture

7y↑198

In the days before urban dictionary...

@sellotapeandbublegum325

6y↑8

Bagel of the Future urban dictionary is ancient

@DewMan001

6y↑11

I do like the idea of scholars of the far off future finding the dead ruins of Urban Dictionary.

"Wow, our ancestors were obsessed with sex and bodily fluids... And hating a lot of different types of people. Except for one specific type, which a lot of them seemed to worship."

@DeathnoteBB

DewMan001 I mean that isn’t inaccurate

@McRocket

3y↑7

I did not know the term 'touching cloth' before this skit.
And now that I do.
My new knowledge is not going to enhance my life in ANY way.

@jessicalee333

7y↑112

In the U.S. we (some of us anyway) call it "prairie-dogging", because it's like a prairie dog peeking out of its burrow... but since prairie dogs are indigenous to North America I wouldn't expect other people to call it that. Just... an interesting factoid.

@headrockbeats

7y↑27

In Israel we call it a "turtle head", for similar reasons.

@_TheDudeAbides_

7y↑1

I have heard the term Herring head. Seems similar.

@williamgreer4087

7y↑15

We've all seen Rat Race, we know the phrase

@krashd

6y↑5

In the UK Turtle-heading is the only big other one we have next to Touching Cloth.

@TomRipley7350

6y↑3

William Greer You should have bought a squirrel.

15 More Replies...

@WeMuckAround

6y↑74

The way he explains what 'touching cloth' means just gets me. I think it's funny because it involves poo.

@HeatyFrog

4y↑7

I love that it seems like they're going to go the whole sketch without explaining it, then he explains in graphic detail what it means and where it comes from

@Jesus420.69

1y↑4

Which I agree is funny

@Strainj1

2y↑4

There was a beauty salon in my town called "A hint of class" - because gosh knows you don't want too much class!

@lamrethal695

1y↑4

A beauty salon can only improve class to a certain extent, it doesn't do miracles

@dielaughing73

21w↑1

@@lamrethal695also, one does want to match one's class level to the occasion.

@Warbek

5y↑13

I feel like this sketch must have been inspired by a real dry-cleaners.

@knifeyonline

3y↑3

this sketch came from davids dislike for joke names

@fedos

13y↑3

@Sypheck I didn't wait long enough to find out that they explained it. It had the feeling of "everyone should know what this means".

@cutestalin2497

6y↑14

I’m laughing so much I’m touching cloth

@captaincluster316

5y↑5

Tortoise head is my favourite description of a peeking poo nugget.

@sharonconstable8146

Comic genius!

@ToxicallyMasculinelol

2y↑3

wow that video had quite a finale

@AK-ql8yp

The Hotpoint Washer Dryer in the back 😭 I love that Hotpoint

@Liamnesque

2y↑5

She deserves an Oscar

@sparky4878

See what you did there.

@Matt-cz6ti

5y↑3

Olivia Coleman won an Oscar

@10801283

5y↑4

you just know this sketch was inspired by seeing an actual dry cleaners with this name and thinking how incredibly lame it was

@EleventhFloorBelfry

47w↑2

I love how the video degrades right at the end

@mrbenoit5018

3y↑1

I like the last few seconds

@adamgrocco

3y↑8

"It has a ring to it"
Was that supposed to be a gag or am I just making up my own at this point?

@dannis8552

3y↑1

If it has a ring to it...see Touching Cloth

@dvdv8197

3y↑1

I was touching cloth, so I thought of this sketch and now I'm watching it on the toilet. 😁

@GreyFoxNinjaFan

7y↑3

.. it's actually a good name for a Dry Cleaners. I'd use them.

@Kowasi

7y↑3

"Sitting on the turtle's head."

@benpendrey3040

or turtle necking

@jasongerrard8940

I always knew the phrase as, the turtles head is showing,
comment made a year ago gets a response sorry

@SamAronow

6y↑4

"Pushing Tin" will never sound the same again.

@IntarwebUser

Since when did people start keeping tin cans in their trousers?

@jaredtweed7826

Bro, I am subscribed to you!

@FixedFace

5y↑4

where i live this i called
“the snake is showing it’s head”

@darthkek1953

I really should be turtle or tortoise.

@jackayers4955

There was a chip shop in my town called 'The Cod Piece'. I assume they came up with the name a bit like this.

@fedos

13y↑1

I had to look up the phrase the first time I saw this.

@chadchadman5056

This is like watching zippy and frikking George !

@Gna-rn7zx

Dude turned into a creepypasta at the end

@barracudatheband

14y↑6

touching cloth? then step this way. hahahaa

@suzannemcguinness8030

The irony of touching cloth for a dry cleaners lol

@KelsaRavenlock

3y↑1

You listed the wrong show "touching cloth" (NA) "a touch of cloth" (UK) stars John Hannah not David Mitchell.

@DrVagax

3y↑17

It is just so hilarious to see Olivia everwhere, Olivia the Oscar winner. How fucking weird would she look at you when you would tell her during that period of time that she would win a Oscar years later

@nomos_lol

I haven’t seen season’s 3+ of The Crown yet, but I looked up the cast before it came out. I didn’t put two and two together. That’s crazy!

@returnosf5043

This is much funnier when watching the second time

@Lava91point0

If you’re looking to start a landscaping venture, maybe call it “trim your bush”. It’s such a clever double entendres, cause it’s provocative see??

@yurisei6732

Award-winning actress Olivia Colman: It's funny because it involves poo.

@MrBuch169169

13y↑68

This was funny, because it involved poo!

@Goodbrew84

6y↑5

we always said, "prairie doggin' it"

@johnrankin7135

Ah yes, I have also seen the movie 'Rat Race'.

@jamespasifull3424

In Leicester, 'touching cloth' would result in you having Clag-bolts in your Chegnaughts!! 🤣🤣🤣

@theradgegadgie6352

The turtle's head is poking out of the shell.

@Didntwanttomakeauser

5y↑2

I could step that way if I wasn't touching cloth.

@robertkerr9527

Gopher-holing as we say.

@fraze2000

I usually say "Oh no, the turtle's sticking his head out".

@stevencraeynest7729

I;m guessing that's not what it means? what does it mean? I've never heard of that expression

@davidbell6200

Mr bunny is poking his nose out

@almc1566

There’s something ‘Rod, Jane and Freddie’ about this.

@BoogieManSince1977

aka "Turtling" :D

@WeaselKing1000

6y↑4

Has anyone else only heard of this phrase thanks to this sketch? I'd certainly never heard it ever before.

@patagualianmostly7437

5y↑1

It was used in a gag in the "Fast Show".....

@blatherskite3009

3y↑1

It's an American expression, I think. A bit like "I'm prairie-dogging" which means the poo is so imminent it keeps poking its head out and you keep sucking it back in as hard as you can, so its head is literally bobbing in and out of the hole like a prairie dog's :(

@ReturnOfTheGhoulScouts

Heard of it first on the Urban Dictionary..

@fau8908

I knew it because of Charlie Brooker's police series named "A Touch of Cloth"

@grahamlive

6y↑3

Touching Cloth? should be what all public conveniences are called. Rather than the boring and functional "Toilets" .

Touching Cloth? Then step this way!

@dannis8552

Crowning...

@LukeFaulkner

5y↑7

Urban dictionary to the rescue...

@bazza945

Is that Alan Davies' twin brother at the other end of the table?

@sarcasmo57

4y↑2

I googled the real meaning halfway in.

@banjopink4409

3y↑3

I think you'll find that the real meaning is half-way out.

@captainscarlett1

How about 'Dry Cleaners ' R ' Us'? In (some parts of) Australia we say 'turtling', as in 'a turtle is trying to poke it's head out of it's shell.' Or, 'I really, really need to poo.'

@jenryang.6132

5y↑2

ACADEMY AWARD WINNER OLIVIA COLMAN

@d2777d

5y↑1

Watch her sterling work in the television documentary trailer, 'The Boy with an Arse for a Face.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9al-mpqXjc

@wisteela

Somebody should actually make this business real.

@dielaughing73

4y↑20

"Is the association of getting poo on clothes, which I agree is funny, is that association appropriate for a business such as dry-cleaning which is after all supposed to be about getting clothes clean?"

and also "then step this way." I think I know that walk.

@soccerkid1788

12y

reminds me of my video Yellow Tangerine

@three-quartersbadger2929

There's something slightly painful about David Mitchell trying to be excited, breezy and enthusiastic. It's not him.

@ThomasCorfield

This sketch is particularly funny because they talk a lot about pooh.

@sirmoanalot3779

2y↑1

Winnie?

@petemayes1940

no one in the audience has a clue

@jamesgreen8079

3y↑3

How did they not work ‘a turtles head’ somewhere into the sketch!!??

@lewis72

Alan Davies has let himself go a bit.

@jakubkrcma

🤣🤣🤣

@timbax3267

As an American, it took me a moment to realize my definition of the word "pants" is different than a Brit's. 😂👖

@PAI93

I want "touching cloth" on my tombstone

@yesihavereadit

Turtles ears

@petejones879

I tried to watch this through but I was touching cloth

@FutureAbe

12y↑8

Im laughing so hard Im touching cloth.

@dielaughing73

Well have I got good news for you!

@illustriouschin

I learned it from Doctor Who.

@rasalgul6253

Why does repeating cloth, making cloth sound like a fake word.

@Bobby.Kristensen

HQ = 360p

@Atomglory

2y↑1

Apparently HQ means 360p with glitches (which is an improvement on the usual 144p on these clips though)

@cooper9696

2y↑1

I think the visual glitches at the end are just because the video is old, some posts from the onion are so corrupted their unwatchable now

@3506Dodge

Hair Apparent
Mane Attraction
Shear Genius
Fringe Benefits
Shear Delight

@roachdoggjr1940

Is this something that people say in England?

@roachdoggjr1940

Oh, right.
I might have heard this. We usually say "crowning" or "prairie dogging."

@letsgoBrandon204

7y↑4

Oops, sounds like the audience doesn't know what touching cloth means XD

@RichardLucas

No, a funny hairdresser's name would be "Curl Up & Dye". That's actually a business name.

@thedukeofbork3147

It's from the Blues Brothers film...

@johnvanegmond1812

6y↑2

Not quite a full blown "armor soiling" but still a bother.

@tomanycooks

which I find is funny.. haha

@goldenbypass6644

HalfwY through this the word cloth doesn't mean anything anymore

@lugaretzia

3y↑3

in church a 'touching cloth' has an altogether different meaning

@djnemesisuk

10y↑3

@LucasArtCommunity

3y↑1

And it's funny because it involves poo.

@j.j.c.s2802

360p HQ - LOL!

@inspector_melvin9384

5y↑4

If anyone's interested in the etymology of the phrase Touching Cloth, I'm pretty sure it originated in the Viz strip 'Doctor Poo: travelling through space and time trying to find somewhere to have a big shit', from issue 70, I think. Well, you never know when it could come in handy.

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