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Shallowness
Monoploid Lyrics

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The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

Most interesting comments from YouTube:

Ava Hsieh

4y↑20

8 signs of being shallow or appearing shallow

1. Narcissistic 4:00

2. Psychopathic 6:06

3. Poor Listener 6:30

4. Don’t believe in true love/meaningful romantic relationships 7:04

5. Having no feelings of unrealised potential / no feelings of emptiness 8:23

6. Loquacious and Loud 8:55

7. Materialistic 9:41

8. Having high value on physical attractiveness 10:40

Kenneth Hall

I also
Would like to
Try hypnotherapy I
Think
It would help me a lot I just know that I
Can’t continue on this way some days I
Am barely hanging on .telling people how you feel is a waste of time because so many are ignorant about mental illness so don’t share with people what’s going on with me I
Don’t go to my shrink except to
Get meds that I don’t feel like are really working

All comments from YouTube:

Dark Dork 101

3y↑98

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 21. Never got any treatment for it besides being admitted to psyche hospital. Your videos are a big help for me in understanding my negative/harmful behaviors and moods and help me to be more aware of them. I feel like I'm starting to understand myself and other ppl more now and just wanted to thank you.

Joy Winfree

See doctor Ramani and Sam VAKNIN

Dark Dork 101

@Enigma - And yeah I totally identify with avoidant criteria. I can be outgoing and sensation seeking sometimes, but I struggle to spend time with ppl in a chill setting because I feel an obligation to entertain and people-please. All stuff I'm working on lol

Enigma -

2y↑2

@Dark Dork 101 there was a comment that is now deleted...that was pretty mean towards people who might have BPD, etc. that's what a few of us had responded to.
It was not kind.
My prior comment was calling that person out. I was supportive of you 🙂

Enigma -

@Dark Dork 101 have you looked into dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant attachment style?
I have fearful avoidant leaning dismissive, and really can isolate a bit too.

Avoidants can get totally triggered by clingy behavior, or anything that seems clingy/needy.

9 More Replies...

Maturity is earned

4y↑403

Wondering if children who use a flat affect to protect themselves from violent adults are mistaken (as adults) as shallow? I have known kids who hide their grief behind a false mask of happiness so that their adults (parents) leave them alone.

Luka Fenix

Jeap true iv didit!!but no aveil do

Judy Ann

@Jacob Heyrend TV

TLC

@Angela Feldman that's an insightful title and 'm sure it's a very insightful/profound poem. Poetry is good for the soul. We may feel like dots sometimes or even most of the time, but we are uniquely made and here on this earth for a purpose. It doesn't matter if other people see it, it's the truth. Our parents made us feel that way because they too may have felt that way growing up.. or may just be so wrapped into getting their own needs met
. it's very sad when parents can't give to their children what they need emotionally. Some may not even realize they're harming their children and may truly love us the best they're able
Some are vaguely aware but don't know how to change. I'd like to hear your poem, but I'm afraid someone might try to copy it if you put it on the internet💗.

Angela Feldman

@TLC I wrote a poem and it's titled , A Dot is what I AM.

TLC

2y↑1

@Angela Feldman I'm sorry. I've many times felt Invisable from my parents too. Not alot of people understand what that's like. You are very valuable, always know that.

21 More Replies...

Adara

4y↑225

You've described some of the relatives I avoid: they're narcissistic, shallow, and think they're "deep." Thanks for another great analysis.

Anonymous learner

@Kathy Adair 😞

Kathy Adair

2y↑1

@Anonymous learner The problem is: they have no interest, whatsoever, in being or doing better. <SIGH>

April Dawn Mears

2y↑2

Ditto! 👏👏

Anonymous learner

Someone teach me how to deal with shallow people.
I feel like being bad for being disappointed and despised by shallowness instead of helping the person to improve

CS Wong

@Vlaw Because many parents treat their daughters LESS WELL. Then we get accused of talking too much n seeking attention.

14 More Replies...

Food Police

4y↑655

Honestly, I could see how being happy and not knowing why wouldn't be too bad lol

Tanicka Sinclair

I understand your comment - I am happy a lot. But happiness also relates to gratefulness. So I think some happiness is disposition and some is attitude.

Drone The World 4K

3y↑1

Do all 8 signs need to exist to be diagnosed for this disorder??…..

Jackie Powell

Ignorance is bliss. Ha

Beth Moore

I’ll take some of that, too. But then I’d start wondering. . .

Buggle Magnum

It's kinda cool but it never lasts for me

50 More Replies...

Positive vibes

4y↑176

1.Being narcissistic{grandiose}
2.Psychopathic.
3.Poor listener.
4.Dont believe in true love or meaningful relationships
5.Never have feelings of unrealised potential.
6.Loud and loquacious
7.Materialistic
8.High value on physical attractiveness.

Emerson Biggins

2y↑1

@Roe TV 📺 Uh...because he was a shallow person.

JohnDoe123

Dam. I have many of these traits.

Gabriel Guzman

@ConanUndAi it's based on agreement

Gothicc senpai

2y↑3

like 90% of millennial women are like this in my city

Jun Lee

@Roe TV 📺 thats spot on yo

7 More Replies...

Ava Hsieh

4y↑20

Gabriel Guzman

4 is me because of how people are when it comes to relationships

sam c

4y↑1

Sounds like women

Logan / NoSleep

4y↑35

I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the complexes that entertainment, social media, electronics, and music are unspoken-ly distilling in people (young, old, and everything in between) nowadays. I have a small understanding of it, and its not that difficult to understand, but would love to hear you explain it in depth.

Katlyn Klassen

4y↑306

These have become my favorite videos on youtube. Factual honest rational informational with detailed coverage of the subjects.

Tanicka Sinclair

Mine too!

Maryfrances Becker Haggerty

3y↑1

@Amanita Muscaria me too,!

Gina

4y↑2

He is brilliant

Amanita Muscaria

4y↑2

And funny! I often laugh out loud at his dead pan delivery of hilarious lines.

The Hermit

@CityCrusher Lacking love is irrational because it will destroy the body and make all your pursuits meaningless. This is highly impractical. ;)

6 More Replies...

Linzee

4y↑16

I really appreciate how thoughtful and constructive people are in your comment section. It’s refreshing seeing people be open and trying to learn something from each other through discussion.

Mermaid Mansion

4y↑26

I really appreciate this video. While watching, I began thinking about children that I have known who have a shallow affect with seemingly little intellectual curiosity, especially the ones who grew up in troubled homes. The ones that I think about were brought up in violent and emotionally abusive households that are also very poor and the parents had low levels of education. Some of these kids grew up to surpass the "depth" of their parents. If these kids had not taken the opportunity to escape the details of their upbringing, they would have continued on as "damaged" adults who could never get as much out of life as they do now. Thank you so much, Dr. Grande, once again for your amazing and educational videos!!!!!!!!

Julia Tamalo

4y↑20

Thank you for bringing this into light, Dr. Grande!! It is hard to reason with shallow people. Definitely it's not because of the lack of intellect. It's more of a narcissistic choice for the sake of wanting to be different, for whatever motives. Because of this "shallowness", many of them put it on purpose to get out from certain responsibility. Gaslighting creates inability to think clearly, so does the word salads. The culture of bullying those who are smart and can be independent definitely cause a backslide in a society. Again, thank you, Doc, and God bless🙏🤞

daisy7066

@Priya O that's true, it also seems to overlap with stupidity at times.

Priya O

3y↑2

Many narcs try their best to appear less shallow to comic effect.

EnchantedWings

4y↑39

I found it hard to talk to a girl in my class oftentimes. I love science, I love psychology (what I'm studying), I love discussing arts, I love dance... But, it's hard to talk with someone who sends you messages to like her photo on Facebook, does not value knowledge, etc. Discussions of such topics immediately makes people like this change topics to something like parties, drinking, going out, etc.

Eli Green

2y↑1

It took me years to figure this out but if you know what you like to do writing philosophy dance. Look for someone else to talk to about these things if they like it too even if it doesn't result in a romance these are people either men or women or boys or girls who at least would have the same interest and would probably know other people who have the same interest this is how you can start finding your tribe

TLC

You'd be a gem to many girls who think similar to you. I remember I had a friend who was intelligent and creative. We loved talking about ideas, picking apart theories, and even have friendly debates.
We always joked about how our phone conversations always lasted 4 hours, even when long distance, without ever intending it to be that long.
We knew we had a unique friendship.
Just keep being yourself and you'll eventually connect with the right people, it just may take longer.

Enigma -

2y↑1

@EnchantedWings you just need to find your tribe.
What is your meyer Briggs personality? Do you know your attachment style? That type of info can help you hone your needs, boundaries, intentions for friendships. The type of people who will resonate with you will be involved in the things that bring you the most joy, where you feel the most free to be you.
Many people do not have access to emotional intelligence. They intellectualize, avoid, and all sorts of posturing to keep emotional realms away. It's self protective.
You be you, and you'll attract similar :)

Enigma -

2y↑3

@dead inside yikes.
We judge that which we fear or don't understand. Where is your absolute declaration (judgment) of psychology being a useless degree come from? Fear of lack of understanding?
I'd guess the latter.
Having studied it for 30 years, having been in the medical field for over 10, and currently working towards another degree...this one in neuroscience, I can say assuredly that psychology isn't useless.
Be careful what you think, not all of it is true...not even close.

Kathryn J. Hernandez

3y↑3

@dead inside Username checks out tho

5 More Replies...

desert dweller

4y↑63

I have noticed some people that are generally shallow, in that they love to tell you all about themselves and life, show very little interest in others, tend to also feel very threatened by others good fortune or successes, and love to hear about something bad that may be happening to another, and spread negative stories.

SPA Jas

2y↑3

@C U R I E L most people devalue intellect, it’s especially true in the west and can depend on age and location.

Madeleine

3y↑3

@Annie R 🤣 a lot of that going around with people around me...

Annie R

3y↑18

I think that’s called CAD (Considerable A…hole Disorder).

3 More Replies...

Frances Bernard

4y↑2

Your explanations of what phrases often used to emotionally abuse people in fact mean are awesome! They are like antidotes to take after having to endure another false accusation from an emotionally abusive person. People who have any kind of visible disabliity impairment that does not allow them to at least appear to be moving towards impossible expecations are often targeted with emotional and physical abuse more often especially if they are female.

Margaret Koopman

2y↑1

This was so on key to my previous relationship, where I had told someone else that he was a psychopath, because he was unable to love. What a trip! You nailed it. And yes- he was very shallow. Maybe perhaps an additional diagnosis of illusions grandeur with a side of narcissism. I don't say this lightly, because I did love him until I realized it was pointless, Unrequited love. I will now pass that love onto my cat. 😂 I love the fact I took abnormal psychology years ago in college. It has really saved me time in pointless relationships.

utubewatcher806

4y↑464

I'm not shallow, I'm depth-challenged

Jade Paulsen

I identify as deep.

Fading World

2y↑1

In the 80s there was a push to call fat people horizontally-challenged and short people vertically-challenged. I remember the newscaster announcing this and my Dad couldn't stop laughing. Maybe that's why it never got off the ground. Or maybe my little kid brain (at the time) just dreamed this up. I'm not sure. 🤣

Daniel Garvey

@roy arrowood weight not corollary to depth

Daniel Garvey

Vapid? Flat affect. Aspi?

Daniel Garvey

Funny, first post.

16 More Replies...

Chris Schumacher

4y↑11

When I hear someone (like Dr. Grande) verbalize a deep truth, I can hear the reverberations echoing through me. It gives a voice to truths that heretofore had none. They are long held beliefs that could not be put into words, at least by me. This video is a perfect example. I love it when that happens.

Tanicka Sinclair

You hit the nail on the head, Chris.

Priya O

3y↑2

This was like the ultimate compliment.

Maya

4y↑12

Great video. There is one aspect though- we live in very shallow societal cultures. The culture of mediocrity encourages shallowness be it intellectual or affective of the narc psychopathic type.
The narcopath may be intelligent but their intelligence is limited to how acquiring supply. We do indeed live in prevalently cluster B societies of the narc histrionic bp and deeply sociopathic type .
Shallowness is not only lack of curiosity and insight but laziness sloth - one of the 7 cardinal sins. Just lazy

Li Mao

4y↑6

I agree with you exept for the last part. Lazyness is a consequence, not the reason. You have to break up a human being (or even another higher mammal, for that matter, I assume) in some way in order for him or her to get lazy. F*ck with their mind, make them sick via junk food {and presumably healthy food as well oftentimes) and pharma and so on.

Gale Divaris

4y↑7

The locked depth is very interesting that you talk about in the vulnerable narcissists. This really is like hitting on a brick wall. So fascinating. You are very clear in your understanding, and the way you present this topic, makes us understand. All good wishes to you and your family for Thanksgiving. And I look forward to your next video; they are all interesting and informative.

4y↑12

Dr Grande, you made a boring topic interesting! Also, when you asked a question, can a shallow person change, I was so curious what you are going to say because I'm pretty sure they don't change. You were so kind and generous with your answer to that question. <3

Adam Alienus Loquentes

4y↑83

Congrats, doc. You've just characterized the times we live in. Our culture.

Amanita Muscaria

4y↑1

Haha...very succinct. My comment made the same point, in about 5 times the length.

V G

4y↑4

There were times when I was hunging with " deep " people. Now I see that time as my snobbish period. Sometimes shallow people are deeper than "deep" ones. Our culture has everything- shallow and deep and in between . Real question is - what culture sells and why?

Jesse is Here

4y↑13

Some attractive people love to flirt. They love the high of flirting. They love the feeling of being wanted when they flirt. Even if they already have a partner, they may flirt out of habit. A person may started flirting as a child and may continue as a adult. They may use a excuse that they are making the other person feel better but the purpose is to make themselves feel better.

Thresa Graham

3y↑1

@j freed that was very well put 👍✌️

j freed

3y↑8

I think by very definition flirting is sharing flattering attention that is not meant to escalate to intimacy.

In more mature old world social cultures, men and women build each other up in daily life instead of tearing each other down. There’s a social respect but there’s also this kind of flirting, the two sexes acknowledge each other in a healthy way. It’s only in the new west that people get so jealous and pathological about the two sexes interacting as they naturally should.

Beata Pogorzelska

4y↑50

Most educative. I"d like to hear more about shallowness. We sometimes meet people who are so carefree and cheerful that we envy them a little. They seem so happy doing simple jobs (no pain of education)enjoying everything around, being nice to others. They are always this way since their childhood. No big ambitions, frustration, pure joy of life. You are right-shalowness is not necessarily a bad thing.

coreycox2345

4y↑2

@Beata PogorzelskaI don't joke.

Beata Pogorzelska

4y↑1

@coreycox2345 Funny

coreycox2345

4y↑1

@Beata Pogorzelska Without question.

Beata Pogorzelska

4y↑3

@coreycox2345 Am I special?Really?

coreycox2345

4y↑1

@Beata Pogorzelska War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, and Ignorance is Strength? You do as you please, running roughshod of whomever you may encounter because you are "special?" Hahaha. We are friends. I still love you.

3 More Replies...

Mason Guy

4y↑88

Its very interesting hearing common terms being broken down on a sceintific scale

H. Borter

4y↑1

I think you're right about personality traits being "traits" but they can change a little for the better if they want but that trait will always be there.

James Vitale

4y↑8

You revealed some amazing insights into personality addressing this rather humorous question, Dr. Grande. Thank you.

R S

4y↑12

I love how you say your channels description in the beginning and get directly into the content! Thank you for respecting my time. 🤗

I ROAM ALONE

@R S just kidding

R S

I ROAM ALONE I am! 🙂 Also I perfer to take the time to support channels by watching its ads rather than some unpaid ramble.

I ROAM ALONE

You that busy??

Bill Smith

4y↑1

well, these 8 traits can exist in any of us from time to time....the question would be how ingrained the traits are over time. Sadly, I see many folks who fit the description of shallow do quite well in life. I've always wondered about that too. Sometimes we can appear shallow and stoic when we are just being patient and contemplative of the next big opportunity in our lives.

Dirg

4y↑140

"A shallow brook babbles the loudest." I've haven't heard that before. I like it.

20 Ton Chop

2y↑1

"Still waters run deep" is one I grew up with.

Mike K.

2y↑1

The cow that moos a lot, gives little milk.

Fawn_ the_Fairy

3y↑3

i often heard and read these sayings in our culture from when i was a kid

pastel raiden

4y↑3

"The firmest faith is in the fewest words" and "where waters smoothest run, deep are the fjords" nice quotes from "The Lowest Trees Have Tops", written maybe by Sir Edward Dyer, but set to lute by John Dowland

M. Harvey

4y↑8

Only a still pond reflects the stars.

2 More Replies...

Mark Ferguson

4y↑1

I usually define it by those who can't help but to attack other's interests in intellectual, artistic or spiritual pursuits.Sometimes it's just the raised eyebrow that's the only needed tell.
I've found that this is why it's important to surround yourself with as many different kinds of people as possible.Sometimes the perspective offered by a differing approach, on a different level, is just the missing piece you needed.

Elizabeth Barr

4y↑1

I always appreciate your videos, Dr Grande.

I think you might misunderstand their meanings (of the expressions) when you say that "a shallow brook babbles the loudest" is the same as " still waters run deep.

A shallow brook babbles loudest implies someone who is loud is actually the shallowest. While the prior means that someone who is quiet has unknown or undisplayed. On observation one person or situation is loud or showy, but has little substance. The other is quiet, unadorned, but has undisplayed substance.

Sorry to just show up to be contrary. But these are really quite different things. Thought I'd weigh in. Thank you.

farangis ehsani

Thank you dr. Grande for the video, I personally realized a shallow trait in myself, which I want to share. I think one shallow trait would be focusing too much on the outcome, and how sth will turn out in the eyes of people and not enjoying the process. I was like this for a long time and it reduces my life in to some memories, and the rest seems unimportant and I dont remember it.

Chelsea Kuzmin

4y↑119

I would like to hear more about the locked depth and how some people with BPD can appear shallow.

Earlene Fisher

I would also like to hear more about this. I love your clear insight

Joe Bloggs

Probably because they ARE actually shallow but that's OK. You can still be a lovable good person, even if shallow. I have met a few such people. Mainly in the beauty industry and some singers, dancers etc. They are almost childlike in their innocent simplicity but some mutate into monsters, if stressed and the have a personality disorder like BPD.

Lucy McNamara

Same.

Dr. without the degree

Me 10

Scapegoat TheSheep

Me 9 but I'm Franz too

8 More Replies...

Zei33

4y↑22

I didn’t realise this concept was an actual thing. I’ve always been able to sense and determine it in other people, but I’m only now realising this is what it was.

Gonzago

4y↑3

Ahhhhh me too! It’s fucking awesome

Boo Spanyer Cassiopeia

Another fascinating video and a topic I really hadn't thought much about (possibly because I'm too shallow lol!) Love what you said about two shallow people having a relationship. Would they even realise, I wonder?
Amazing stuff, Doc! 👏👏👏

bodge6886

4y↑32

That’s just opened a whole new way of looking at management types and reminds me of something I was told when I had been turned down for a middle management job as an ‘advisory’ for future applications and it was “you don’t have a “rhinoceros” attitude to getting what you want in life’ I replied because I am not an animal.

50shadesofblack

4y↑3

it can also be " shallow" person who cant handle rejection. Not saying that is the case, but if a possisjon is there and it is for a " hungry" person with larger ambition than they could just stay silent and say nothing instead of saying the truth. The story of the " predator" could have been a nice way to give feedback of the aplicants lack of ambisjon or the impression of the lack. Alot of people just want " good" feedback but cant handle the hard truths. And if the working environment is toxic ( if the boss is shallow and narcissitic) maby its for the good and find another play to work

AlisaDe

4y↑9

bodge6886 great reply lol.

harrison bergeron

3y↑2

Shallowness is mostly a quality or trait that the pursued wants and the pursuer does not have. It's a lot easier to blame someone for being shallow than to just admit pursuing someone who has his/her own, different definition of shallow.

Ethereal Experience

Good explanation. I interact with hundreds of people every week. I’ve encountered all of these types. I believe I am deep in most aspects, but am still shallow in the importance I place on physical appearance. I don’t judge, but can’t date people I find physically unattractive. I like what you said near the end regarding how people can be deep but appear shallow based upon their high regard for physical attraction.

Maristella

4y↑5

This is another great one. Thank you Dr. Grande for another great video. These explanations are helping me figure out some important things that I have observed in some people in the past. These particular people have earned a lack of respect from me and had gone on to earn a certain disdain from me in cases where one was unfortunately my supervisor...I could not stand the way the person behaved...

Lucky 1038

3y↑2

Thanks to you Dr. Grande, I try to never show disdain for anyone exactly. But I do try to be aware.

nickopeters

3y↑4

This was wildly interesting, Dr. Grande! Pardon the pun, but it actually was so deep, that I had to watch it a second time, even just to fill-in parts that I missed the first time I watched it, but I am still finding more important points even-now.
Thanks--!

publius ovidius

4y↑1

Speaking of shallowness, could you do a video on the difference between the depth psychologies and the cognitive-behavioral treatments most commonly used today? There seems to be a wide gap in how human psychological issues are interpreted, labeled and treated. Jungian therapy for instance, instead of relying on the web of diagnostic categories, prefers to deal with the particular, individual manifestations of the archetypal images, mostly as revealed in the dream life, and seeing how those are playing out adversely or positively in the client's waking life. That seems far different than categorizing clients into rather narrow labels of various psychopathologies and creating check-lists.

Neo-Freudian Nancy McWilliams of Rutgers says, in fact, that for clients typically labeled as schizoid, therapists who employ superficial cognitive-behavioral techniques and have not done much digging around into their own unconscious life and motivations will have little positive effect on clients who cultivate rich inner lives.

Do you have any opinions on this difference in style and substance?

informitas 0

3y↑2

Now, I'm already diagnosed with schizoaffective depressive-type, so I don't know if this exclude me from being shallow, but I sure feel like it. I am (or was) clever, got chosen for an assignment in the military only 0.2% qualify for (this was before schizophrenia started), but I fully lack intellectual curiosity. I appreciate the results of intellectual pursuit, but not the journey. I'm terrible at listening, I hear what I want. I don't think love is real, it's a movie myth. I have no dreams, I simply don't care. I However have an "empty" feeling but I know that's part of schizophrenia.
I think I typed this out for my sake.

PamandJack Kosten

4y↑6

Thank you for this insight. I honestly think my husband has this to some degree. No worries, I love him but am constantly wondering and trying to communicate on a deeper level that he just can’t. That mentalizing thing seemed to sum it up. Very interesting to know.

Stefan Roche

4y↑7

Here’s a thought too: I think a sign of shallow behavior can be ease of accepting or believing/going with stereotypes. Whether it be racial or gender based whatever, and I say that from experience having and entertaining them myself.

Blissbaby13

3y↑1

Wow, I am blown away by this video. Honestly! I have been looking for a VERY long time for the reasons of why I feel/act so shallow, am losing my memory bc I act so shallow, and not able to combine my knowledge into coherent ideas or actions until you began explaining the Vulnerable Narcissist. Is there a cure for this unwanted, shallow personality?

Lynda O

So well put. I'm pretty sure I know shallow when I'm near it, but you've hit it on the head.

Frahn

4y↑29

I used to describe my ex-husband as a being ‘deeply shallow’. He found that funny.

Suavero LePew

4y↑1

These video's are wonderful, and are helping me understand myself and others so much more clearly. Thank you Dr. Grande.

Maria Nunes

Being shallow sounds like bliss... Being a deep person, it sounds wonderful not to have doubts, not being bothered by others because we don't really listen to what they are saying, or if we are bothered, we never doubt if we are right on being. Being happy and not knowing why wouldn't be that bad. Bliss.

AutoRingMagazine

4y↑5

My ex was a covert narcissist and very shallow. Which is funny because she displayed shallowness. She also displayed happiness for no reason. You ask her why and she has no rational for her happiness.

Maya

4y↑1

Why did u marry her ?

Annafaith

4y↑2

i enjoyed listening to a very complex break down of personality /mental traits. We humans are a fascinating assortment. Spritual compatibility and empathy added depth to me and my late husgads relationship -more so with time. And though hes not here now, God bless him,, the love and depth, and the closness continues.

Delilah Hart

I think I likely have emotional shallowness. I believe it's probably a coping mechanism. I was frequently abused and bullied when I was younger, so I've had to more or less grow a shell. Whenever I do have feelings, though, I spend a lot of time analyzing them and intellectualizing.

John Taylor

4y↑1

Once again Dr Grande gives us all ,a chance to look at and understand our own individual personalities and recognise really who we are and how we relate to people around us .To be happy and normal and to have Enough of every thing that will lead to the final goal of happiness is ,or should be , the aim of All humanity .

Moe Stein

4y↑4

My husband's grandma was diagnosed with bpd, and depression. She says she cannot remember a single happy memory. I am her full time caregiver, and while she is in treatment she still denies positive emotions since childhood. She is 83 years old. She recently described a state of happiness being having a warm blanket... ....

Jake Dee

4y↑22

Thank you Doctor Grande, that was very good.
How about humor ? I have found that a person who can come up with a witty retort or funny zinger has intellectual depth. This is not the same as remembering funny jokes, that would be similar to the criterion you mentioned "Impressionistic speech' they have seen a funny popular guy and try to imitate him.
What does psychology have to say about humor ? Is is a personality trait ?

Annie R

3y↑2

@Paul Ortiz I certainly hope so! Lol.

Paul Ortiz

3y↑1

I always thought sarcasm was a sign of higher intelligence!
Anyone?

Evan Parsons

4y↑29

I have so little faith in my own ability to judge myself accurately in relation to other people.

elsa Grace

2y↑1

I think this can resolve when you get to know many other people really well and maybe get to know yourself too.

Eli Bain

4y↑6

is it necessary to do so? maybe being forthright and earnest in your engagement with life and others is enough

Jacques Paradis

3y↑1

Dr. Grande. You’ve become my main YouTube interest. Thank you for xraying the human mind and describing its mechanisms. It inevitably brings introspection. Merci!

Sally Anne S.

I can see where a partnership (marriage) between a shallow person and a deep person could be extremely difficult, lots of barriers to effective communication.

Patrick Emmett

3y↑1

Hi Dr Grande. Really enjoy your work and your presentation style. Have you ever looked at the 12 Step Recovery model in terms of its effects on mental health in general, and on shallowness in particular?

Laralove

I wonder if character building experiences (ie. loss) can be a factor in seeing your own shallowness, where you weren’t able to question or see it before.

Marina

Informative and lifechanging: I'm looking at my relations with other people using very different glass lenses ... excellent tool to timelly recognise and explain to youself behavior of the crippy, crappy people ...

stephencarlsbad

4y↑7

Are shallowness and depth traits? This is something that I've always wondered about and gives me another piece of the puzzle that makes personality much more clear.

Miles Beler

They are tied to trait openess on the "big five" personality test, so it would include openess to new experience or ideas, and creativity. High openess people make for great artists, writers, entrepreneurs, and low openess people make for great bankers, judges, and doctors. It's different, not neccesarily better, to be higher in openess!

Hector Garza

4y↑8

I had an old friend that was always telling herself she was crazy and it eventually came to be her reality. I also noticed with time that if you would mention a symptom of say schizophrenia later she would start having these problems. Such as in my experience I told her that I had read that some people with schizophrenia could be very sensitive to light, if I remember correctly. Not long after this friend of mine couldn’t stand light and would wear sunglasses inside.
I think that depression and suicide from which I’ve experienced personally in a family member the person was in a big way very selfish. My father. Attempting suicide when I was a boy and not seeming to care that he was not just hurting himself but his loved ones. But maybe that’s part of having depression. All I know for a fact is that the mind seems too complex to give anyone a diagnosis and or a mix of 1 2 or even 3 of them. But I would only guess to be the only way for a doctor to be able to treat it.
Also I would like to get some hypnotherapy to see if I can feel better and be a better person to myself and others.
Thanks a lot for your videos.

Kenneth Hall

Charlotte Boyett-Napper

2y↑1

I agree with you. Suicide is the most selfish act you can do. So ironic

Thicc Picc

4y↑1

I really appreciate how you discuss topics such as this, Dr.Grande :) Thank you

The BlackWolf

4y↑12

Damn. You just described the society at large. 🤣

Cryptic Cookies

This was a great video we’ve all known someone in this category but so thoroughly dissected

Janet Mcbee

💜Hi Dr. Grande.
You know, I believe the simplest topics sometimes needs reviewing.
Seems like life gets more complicated, stressful, overwhelming these days .
So I say to you,
thank you for keeping me grounded through my trek on this earth here.
💜💜💜

Bo Söderlund

What are your thoughts on the popular fuel metaphor, often used when describing social drive in individuals with dark triad traits?

Decoy 263

4y↑10

Good food for thought in this video. Some people just don't get the Joy of learning new things. They are simply different.

Jan Šuštar

In terms of the non professional term of "shallow" I rank at the top, while the "psychological" shallow is the rock bottom. I was the polar opposite of 7/8 points you raised.

Bravda slava

As clincal therapist
Your videos has been great learning experience for me.
I really appreciate it as a great resource .
Thanks

Tanicka Sinclair

This is Jennifer Sinclair. Dr. Grande is awesome!!!! He keeps me totally - sane!!!! This is a fantastic video. Dr. Grande, I believe my mother's shallowness is a learned trait from her childhood. Staying shallow is how she determined it was easiest to survive. Would you agree that shallowness can be learned???

Miguel Ferreira

when you describe the vulnerable narcissist it was like a spoken word revelation of my current life

Narcs in Art

4y↑4

Thank you, Dr. Grande. You've given me a better understanding of lack of depth.

TLC

I'm wondering how much of shallowness and depth has to do with chemicals in the brain such as serotonin etc. I tried a few different kind of antidepressants years ago and I felt "shallow" compared to my natural self, although more carefree. I think personality types who are described as Melancholy (vs Sanguine) may have less serotonin which might correlate with enjoying the arts, music, and ideas in a deeper way. It seems these people have a bigger desire for meaning and purpose in their lives.

TV SciEnTiSt

4y↑10

When you were talking about whether 2 shallow people can be truly happy together....it reminded of the scene in Annie Hall when Alvy asks that couple on the street how they manage to keep their relationship going......Woman: "Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say." Man: "And I'm exactly the same way." lolol

Shombie

Classic! Thank you for posting this.
(Reminds me of my ex and his new squeeze.)

laceyunderall22

4y↑1

Twinsies! 👯‍♂️ I thought of the exact same scene! I’m 99% sure the actress in question is Shelly Hack (Tiffany on Charlie’s Angels, the long-running model in advertising for Charlie perfume). I could Google the answer, but that’s no fun. I like to keep things old skool, ha ha. 😂

Formula Zero

4y↑1

That's hilarious

Raven’s Watch

Dr. Grande: I wonder whether a shallow person would even take the time to watch this video. One requires depth and a desire for understanding to think through the given scenarios. Watching this, I thought a lot about my own personality and how I interact with others. I think everyone might possess every trait to some degree. Perhaps that’s wrong. Throughout my life, I have observed that experiences dealt us often shape us and can therefore create a transformation of sorts. Of course, if one is shallow, perhaps both empathy and self awareness are lacking. My goal is to achieve true happiness... sometimes I feel I’m there! However, I was diagnosed with chronic depression that cannot be treated with medication, because such medications cause a paradoxical reaction in me. Thus, the ebbs and flows of my emotions can only be regulated by nutritional supplements.

graceanneful

4y↑5

Love it... can two shallow people have a supposed deep all encompassing relationship..... yea probably........ until one of those people get their world completely rocked from the bottom to the top. Then that person may search for deeper meaning in their lives. Though that person will end up getting dumped. Ouch-ville

jo Brown Smith

4y↑1

Being overly chilled in the workplace can come off as being shallow or not caring even tho I'm the opposite. Can ppl appear shallow by trying to hide or balance out the fact they're overly sensitive? I've found going through a life-threatening illnesses has caused me to be less shallow and more caring.

Young Ho “Solo” Kim

4y↑2

I love your content Dr. Grande! Keep up the great work.

Vicky OH

I never knew if i have some disorder or I have just an strong personality.
I guess Im egocentric yet not super narcissistic bc I’m still empathetic and against people being unfair to others, I hate entitlement, intellectual (I work on research), and I have long stable relationships (friendships, family and my marriage even pets).
But I love all the attention in me, and I dress stunning and how people talk about me and I’m a flirty person and I can manipulate a bit to get things easier, and my loud voice 😅 and I like material stuff. But my friends aren’t like me.

I guess mine is not a disorder. Just a but narcissistic.

Sam Harper

Considering the fact that we can all see inside our own heads, but we can't see inside anybody else's head, and we can only see their "affects," it stands to reason that we'd all perceive ourselves as being deep and everybody else as being shallow.

J P

4y↑1

I would probably fulfill the criteria of vulnerable narcissism. I have extreme social anxiety and possibly selective mutism, and I'm also extremely sensitive and get offended and enraged for the strangest reasons. For example, I often resent people I'm too shy to approach and blame them for it. I'm also offended if someone makes loud noises when I'm around. I always hide this rage because I don't want to get in trouble. I am very afraid of being laughed at.

I have grandiose plans which I usually quickly forget about. I enjoy fantasizing about being in a position of power and being desirable to women. I am convinced that I will win the lottery because I must have been destined to become rich so I don't have to work and can hire people to do things for me.

I also have ADD (inattentive ADHD) and anger management problems and as a child I often physically attacked family members, classmates and bullies. As I grew up, I managed to control this behavior and became nonviolent, but occasionally chased after strangers (usually children and women) because I enjoyed a sense of power when I saw how frightened they were. I had no intention of doing anything physical to them, just wanted to scare them, but stopped that soon enough because I didn't want to get in trouble and realized I was being an asshole.

I wrote this comment after reading the description.

Christine Cornez Colmenero

3y↑3

Wish I could have had you as a professor. Excellent teaching skills !

Lucky 1038

3y↑1

Me too BUT I DO have Dr. Grande as a professor.

Angela

4y↑2

The caveat on depth and BPD was a really interesting conceptualization! I haven’t really heard it described that way before

Angela Feldman

THANK YOU!!yr channel Dr. G is ** knowledge!!! You have made my understanding of these personalities put to use in my life, and it has changed for the better my life! Wonderful to know!☮️🕊❤️🌞

23Mijk

As I teacher I can say it is scary the proportion of kids which have these traits (except for psychopathy though i definitely believe I have taught numerous youths with Psychopathic traits)

Lady Amelia

4y↑4

Thank you, Dr Grande. That was extremely interesting! Have a beautiful day 🥰

BTS Lolita

Thankyou doctor, i have BPD with OCD, i dissociate a lot. I came here to see what do i resonate with here and how to do better, your videos are helping me in moving towards a better life 😊

Adam B

4y↑3

Dr. Grande, I would love to hear your thoughts and advice on depression after divorce and on how to over come those difficulties especially for men.

I ROAM ALONE

Go to the Ukraine. Lots of pretty, available women. Take your mind off it

Paul Ortiz

Dr Grande:
If people are the same across the spectrum of existance, please explain the vast differences in attractive attributes the most common or average straight person vs typical, average gay person finds desirable in a mate!
There seems to be vast differences between what my straight vs gays friends require in a love interest/relationship!
Allusion or fact!

Thanks!

Deedra Beck

I am an example of someone who changed her personality after going through a traumatic experience. I also worked a program through Al-Anon; I became the person I was meant to be although not w/o flaws. Although now I’m somewhat co-dependent.

Melissa Hernandezm

4y↑1

Dr. You are amazing! I love your videos!! Thank you for all of the information!

Julius Cee

Superb Content!
8:55 My mother in law is exactly that. Even though she has a degree and once married a geologist, was working on excavation sites in her youth and has a comparatively interesting family background, and even is a bit interested in art, her and me never had any sort of "deep-talk, not in the least. My strong impression is that the only thing she really cares about is 1) making a good deal at the market place and 2) talking at length about her family history. Another example of her shallowness: driving a car as a passenger, she almost never looks out the window, instead she's talking non-stop and randomly so. I get the strong feeling she's bored REALLY quickly. In addition I got the feeling she was "hitting on me" in the sense that she was sometimes gazing at me in this strange way, which made me uncomfortable. I think it was maybe a way to try to unnerve me. I'm fastly losing respect for that person, I just cannot help with it!
Guys... Am I too sensitive about it? For me she's Histrionic with a big portion of narcissism.
What's your opinion based on those observations?

Issis Heredia

4y↑1

1. Being narcissistic: grandiose narcissists are more likely to be shallow, vulnerable is similar to borderline they might be deep, but their tools are locked. Borderline may be looking for intimacy or true love but can´t access that depth.
2. Being psychopathic: affectively shallow but may have immense intellectual depth.
3. Being a poor listener: lost in thoughts, deep but not social.
4. Not believing in love or deep relationships because they don’t care about it, or because they believe they have it when they don’t (Histrionic).
5. Not having feelings of emptiness (unrealized potential) not being lost on dreams, fantasies. Low Openness to Experience.
6. Loquacious and loud: they talk a lot and in a high volume. “Still waters run deep”. Impressionistic speech without details (Histrionic).
7. Being materialistic: worth as human being tied to material assets, they are better than others because they have possessions and valuing others using the same criteria.
8. High value in physical attractiveness.

Franco_Acha

I really feel related when he talks about borderline disorder or vulnerable narcissism

I have lost the capacity to feel curiosity, to be interested in other people, to be interested in things in general. I can't find new hobbies, I can't find career choice interests. I desperately look for a meaning that just never comes, because I simply can't reach it.

I feel I want to be deep but I can't, because no matter how hard I try to be I am a shallow person and I can't escape that reality (although enough weed would disagree with that)

Akehap Kap

4y↑56

Cloud you make a video about affective flatness? As in people with schizophrenia, deep depression etc.

Love your videos btw :)

Gabriel Guzman

@Lucky 1038 understand also having empathy doesn't mean looking happy and friendly all the time empathy is action not facially expressive like most people believe

Lucky 1038

3y↑1

@Andreas Leon Landgren Empathy is like rhythm, either you got it or you don't.

Nova Sky

4y↑1

People thought i was depressed and suicidal cause my face muscles don't fully function, no one ever stopped to ask me they just judge everything at face value.

Gabriel Guzman

@Itismeagainb Itisnotme no offense but nowadays a lot of people wont look you in the eyes so maybe that's why he doesn't?

Itismeagainb Itisnotme

4y↑3

@Salomé Baptist Smithso true. My son never schizophrenia at 25. The first signl he is not taking this meds is the flat or shallow affects, won't make eye contact or even look around at the people in the room which is not his normal personality. I could have my hands full coming in the room and he won't see I need help and could at least hold the door open. Normally, he would help and keep the door open. It's like he's in his own world. But when I get his attention he will snap out of it and help. And of course I help him to figure out why he's not on his meds. Usually he just ran out and it's easily remedied. But if he still doesn't take his meds he gets the positive symptoms and he thinks he is better now and doesn't need them anymore. That's when I have to spend a good deal of energy and skill to get him to take them. A few times he had to go to the hospital because he didn't believe me and then his anxiety gets overwhelming and the hospital seems like a good idea. It's heartbreaking, but luckily, I went to school to be a psychiatric technician and worked at the state hospital long enouph to be able to recognize the signs and symptoms and no what to do and say to help him get back to himself.

3 More Replies...

Collette Foote

4y↑1

Thanks so much for differentiating between “affect” and “effect!”

Madd Medic

3y↑2

People who are " shallow " really don't care or want to know if they are "shallow". There is Theory of Mind ( like Autism) and now there is "Shallow of mind)