Argument
Monty Python Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

I'd like to have an argument, please.
Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
No, this is my first time.
I see. Well, were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course?
Well, what's the cost?
It's 1 for a five minute argument, but it's 8 for a course of ten.
I think I'll take the five minutes and see how it progresses.
Very well. Now, Mr. Hayward isn't free at the moment, nor is Mr. Baker.
Here we go, Mr. Maynard, Room 12.
Thank you.
What do you want?!
Well, I was told outside--
Don't give me that, you snotty-Faced heap of parrot droppings!
What?!
Shut your festering gob, you t**!
Your type really makes me puke, you pervert!
What are you doing?! I came in here for an argument!
Oh! I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Oh, that explains it.
Yes, you want Room 12A. Next door.
Thank you.
Not at all. (Door shuts) Stupid git.
Is the right room for an argument?
I've told you once.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
When?
Just now.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.
Excuse me. Is the five minute argument or the half hour?
Oh, just the five minute.
Thank you. Anyway, I did tell you.
No, you most certainly did not.
Let's get one thing straight: I most definitely told you.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
This isn't an argument!
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't. It's just contradiction.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is. You just contradicted me.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
No, no, no.
You did just then.
That's ludicrous.
Oh, this is futile.
No, it isn't.
I came in here for a good argument.
No, you didn't. You came in here for an argument.
Well, argument isn't the same as contradiction.
Can be.
No, it can't.
An argument is a collective series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is. It isn't just contradiction.
Look, if I argue with you. I must take a contrary position.
But it isn't just saying No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't. Argument's an intellectual protest,
Contradiction just the automatic opposite of any statement the other person makes.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
Not at all.
Now, look-- (Bell dings)
Good morning.
What?
That's it. Good morning.
I was just getting interested.
I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
That was not five minutes.
I'm afraid it was.
Oh, no, it wasn't. (Argument professional looks around the room)
I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
What?
If you want to go on arguing you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
But that was not five minutes, just now. (Professional whistles) Oh, come on.
If you want to continue arguing, you must pay for another five minutes.
Oh, fine. Here.
Thank you.
Well?
Well what?
That was not five minutes, just then.
I told you, you have to pay.
I just paid.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
No, you didn't.
I don't want to argue about that.
Well, you didn't pay.
Ah, but if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Aha! Got you.
No, you haven't.
Yes, I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
Oh, I've had enough of this.




No, you haven't.
Oh, shut up!

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Monty Python's "Argument" song depict a man entering a place seeking an argument. He encounters several individuals who misunderstand his intentions, leading to a series of exchanges that are not quite arguments, but rather a series of contradictions and misunderstandings. Overall, the song satirizes the concept of arguing for the sake of arguing, highlighting the absurdity of such interactions and the difficulties in communicating effectively.


The exchanges between the characters in the song highlight the different ways in which people interpret and engage in argumentation. The man seeking an argument is frustrated by the lack of understanding and the failure to engage in a genuine argument, while the individuals he encounters seem more preoccupied with proving themselves right or demonstrating their superiority. Through their interactions, the song reflects a broader theme of misunderstanding and miscommunication in everyday interactions, poking fun at the way in which people engage in verbal sparring without actually achieving anything.


Overall, the lyrics to Monty Python's "Argument" are a humorous take on the concept of arguing and highlight the challenges of engaging in effective communication.


Line by Line Meaning

I'd like to have an argument, please.
Customer requests an argument


Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Argument professional questions if customer is new


No, this is my first time.
Customer confirms it's their first time


I see. Well, were you thinking of taking a five minute argument or a course?
Argument professional presents options for argument length


Well, what's the cost?
Customer inquires about argument cost


It's 1 for a five minute argument, but it's 8 for a course of ten.
Argument professional provides argument cost information


I think I'll take the five minutes and see how it progresses.
Customer decides to take 5 minute argument


Very well. Now, Mr. Hayward isn't free at the moment, nor is Mr. Baker.
Argument professional informs customer of employee availability


Here we go, Mr. Maynard, Room 12.
Customer is directed to the appropriate room


Thank you.
Customer expresses gratitude


What do you want?!
Employee greets customer aggressively


Well, I was told outside--
Customer attempts to explain their presence


Don't give me that, you snotty-Faced heap of parrot droppings!
Employee insults customer


What?!
Customer expresses shock and confusion


Shut your festering gob, you t**!
Employee continues to insult customer


Your type really makes me puke, you pervert!
Employee adds to the insults


What are you doing?! I came in here for an argument!
Customer reiterates their original purpose


Oh! I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Employee apologizes but tries to deflect the situation


Oh, that explains it.
Customer seems to accept the explanation


Yes, you want Room 12A. Next door.
Employee directs customer to the correct room


Thank you.
Customer expresses gratitude


Not at all. (Door shuts) Stupid git.
Employee insults customer after they leave


Is the right room for an argument?
Customer seeks confirmation


I've told you once.
Employee has given information previously to customer


No, you didn't.
Customer contradicts employee's statement


Yes, I did.
Employee insists they provided information


When?
Customer challenges employee to provide specific time


Just now.
Employee answers customer's question


This isn't an argument!
Customer disagrees with employees


Yes, it is.
Employee insists it is an argument


No, it isn't. It's just contradiction.
Customer argues that it's just contradiction


No, it isn't.
Employee disagrees with customer


Yes, it is. You just contradicted me.
Customer believed he had just contradicted the employee


No, I didn't.
Customer disagrees with employee's assessment


Yes, you did.
Employee believes customer contradicted them


No, no, no.
Customer denies that he contradicted the employee


You did just then.
Employee believes customer just contradicted them


That's ludicrous.
Customer believes employee's statement makes no sense


Oh, this is futile.
Customer loses interest in arguing


No, it isn't.
Employee disagrees with customer


I came in here for a good argument.
Customer clarifies their original intent


No, you didn't. You came in here for an argument.
Employee accuses customer of lying


Well, argument isn't the same as contradiction.
Customer attempts to differentiate between argument and contradiction


Can be.
Employee disagrees with customer, saying contradiction can be part of an argument


No, it can't.
Customer disagrees with employee


An argument is a collective series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
Customer presents his definition of an argument


No, it isn't.
Employee disagrees with customer's definition of an argument


Yes, it is. It isn't just contradiction.
Customer disagrees and presents his argument


Look, if I argue with you. I must take a contrary position.
Customer explains his stance on argumentation


But it isn't just saying No, it isn't.
Customer notes that an argument isn't just saying 'no'


Yes, it is.
Employee disagrees with customer


No, it isn't. Argument's an intellectual protest,
Customer's stance


Contradiction just the automatic opposite of any statement the other person makes.
Customer provides her own definition of contradiction


No, it isn't.
Employee disagrees with customer's definition of contradiction


Yes, it is.
Customer disagrees with employee


Not at all.
Employee disagrees with customer


Now, look-- (Bell dings)
Argument professional interrupts the argument


Good morning.
Argument professional greets customer


That's it. Good morning.
Argument professional ends argument


I was just getting interested.
Customer expresses an interest in continuing


I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
Argument professional says the five minutes have passed


That was not five minutes.
Customer argues about the length of the argument


I'm afraid it was.
Argument professional insists time is up


Oh, no, it wasn't. (Argument professional looks around the room)
Customer seeks support from others in the room


I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
Argument professional ends the argument


If you want to go on arguing you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
Argument professional provides an option to continue


But that was not five minutes, just now. (Professional whistles) Oh, come on.
Customer argues again


If you want to continue arguing, you must pay for another five minutes.
Argument professional insists on payment


Oh, fine. Here.
Customer begrudgingly gives payment


Well?
Argument professional prompts customer to start arguing again


Well what?
Customer appears confused


That was not five minutes, just then.
Customer still believes they haven't had their alloted time


I told you, you have to pay.
Argument professional repeats their demand for payment


I just paid.
Customer insists they already paid


No, you didn't.
Argument professional believes customer didn't pay


Yes, I did.
Customer insists they paid


No, you didn't.
Argument professional refuses to believe customer


I don't want to argue about that.
Customer doesn't want to argue over payment


Oh, shut up!
Customer expresses frustration and closes out the exchange




Contributed by Grace A. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
To comment on or correct specific content, highlight it

Genre not found
Artist not found
Album not found
Song not found
Comments from YouTube:

@squishydough2866

"Taking a contrary position isn't just saying 'no it isn't'!"
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't!"

@Analogbrain

That's the highlight for me too. I laugh every time.

@dawoool

@@Analogbrain Ironically brilliant!

@patriciayeiser6405

T'is. T'isnt.

@marsmancho

That's the gold in the skit, that took me multiple watchings, before I had to shake my head, and rattle that nugget out. (It's like the reverse Bugs Bunny). Kind of makes me think, that Looney Tunes might have been, just as intelligent, as these great comedic legends became, (for their respective times).

@Eli-uu4vt

@@marsmancho They're actually using that old Bugs Bunny skit multiple times and flipping the script just as many times.

15 More Replies...

@TheSilentGentleman

The Brexit negotiations make sense now.

@hitlerssecondcoming2523

KEK

@LWYRUP05

No they don’t

@KillerofGods

@@LWYRUP05 yes they do

More Comments

More Versions