Bells
Monty Python Lyrics


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Man: I wish those bloody bells would stop.
Wife: Oh, it's quite nice dear, it's Sunday, it's the church.
Man: What about us atheists? Why should we 'ave to listen to that sectarian turmoil?
Wife: You're a lapsed atheist, dear.
Man: The principle's the same. Bleeding C-of-E. The Mohmedans don't come 'round here wavin' bells at us! We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom! Or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintuists don't come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse, shouting slogans...
Wife: All right, don't practice your alliteration on me.
Man: Anyway, when I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to lodge a protest against that religious racket! Pass the butter knife!
Wife: WHAT??
Man: PASS THE BUTTER KNIFE!! THANK YOU! IF ONLY WE HAD SOME KIND OF MISSILE!
Wife: 'OLD ON, I'LL CLOSE THE WINDOW.
(Sound: Window closing, bells get faint, but are still there)
Man: If only we had some kind of missile, we could take the steam out of those bells.
Wife: Well, you could always use the number 14-St. Joseph-the-somewhat- divine-on-the-hill ballistic missile. It's in the attic.
Man: What ballistic missile would this be, then?
(Sound: Bells begin to get increasingly louder)
Wife: I made it for you, it's your birthday present!
Man: Just what I wanted, 'ow nice of you to remember, my pet. 'EAR!
Wife: WHAT?
Man: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!
Wife: WHAT?
Man: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!!
Wife: THE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER! OOOH, LOOK!
Man: WHAT?
Wife: THE CHURCH, IT'S GETTING CLOSER! ITS COMING DOWN THE 'ILL!
Man: WHAT A LIBERTY!
Wife: IT'S TURNING INTO OUR LANE!
Man: STRAIGHT THROUGH THE LIGHTS, OF COURSE.
Wife: TYPICAL, YOU BETTER GO PUT IT OUT OF IT'S MISERY.
Man: WHERE'S THIS MISSILE, THEN?
Wife: IT'S IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD. PRESS THE BUTTON MARKED CHURCH!
Man: 'OW DO I AIM IT?
Wife: IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP!
Man: THAT'S ST. MARKS!
Wife: IT ISN'T NOW, LOOK!! OH, ITS OP'NING THE GATE.
Man: WHAT? USE THE MEGAPHONE!
Wife: IT'S OP'NING THE GATE!!
Man: I'LL POP UP THE AIRING CUPBOARD.
Wife: 'HURRY UP, ITS TRAMPLING OVER THE AZALIAS!
(Sound: Missle launch, explosion, bells diminish)
Man: Did I 'it it?




Wife: Yes, right up the aisle.
Man: Well I've always said, There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.

Overall Meaning

The Monty Python song "Bells" is a satirical take on the relationship between religion and atheism. The lyrics center around a conversation between a man and his wife, who are disturbed by the sound of church bells on a Sunday morning. The man, who identifies as an atheist, sees the ringing of the church bells as a sectarian expression that he and his wife, as atheists, do not want to tolerate. He goes on to use a series of humorous examples to illustrate that other religions do not impose their religious fanfare on those who are not part of their congregation. In the end, the man and his wife decide to take extreme measures to stop the bells, resulting in a missile launch and an explosion that stops the ringing altogether.


The song "Bells" showcases Monty Python's signature humor and satire, which is often created through absurdity and exaggeration. The dialogue between the man and his wife highlights the clash between two opposing views and the extreme measures that they are willing to go to make their point. The song also touches on themes of religious tolerance and freedom of expression, as the man questions why those who do not share in religious beliefs should have to listen to the ringing of church bells. In the end, the satirical nature of the song underscores the absurdity of this kind of conflict and encourages dialogue and understanding between opposing viewpoints.


Line by Line Meaning

Man: I wish those bloody bells would stop.
The man is annoyed with hearing the church bells ringing.


Wife: Oh, it's quite nice dear, it's Sunday, it's the church.
The wife is enjoying the sound of church bells and acknowledging that it is a common occurrence on Sundays.


Man: What about us atheists? Why should we 'ave to listen to that sectarian turmoil?
The man is questioning why atheists have to listen to the sound of church bells.


Wife: You're a lapsed atheist, dear.
The wife is reminding the man that he is not a strong atheist, but rather a 'lapsed' one.


Man: The principle's the same. Bleeding C-of-E. The Mohmedans don't come 'round here wavin' bells at us! We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom! Or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintuists don't come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse, shouting slogans...
The man argues that it is unfair for church bells to be ringing when people of other religions don't make similar noises in their homes.


Wife: All right, don't practice your alliteration on me.
The wife doesn't want the husband to use alliteration as a way of arguing his point.


Man: Anyway, when I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to lodge a protest against that religious racket! Pass the butter knife!
The man plans to lodge a protest against the church bells and requests the butter knife to be passed to him.


Wife: WHAT??
The wife is surprised by the man's request for a missile.


Man: PASS THE BUTTER KNIFE!! THANK YOU! IF ONLY WE HAD SOME KIND OF MISSILE!
The man is frustrated and wishes they had a missile to silence the church bells.


(Sound: Window closing, bells get faint, but are still there)
The wife closes the window but the sound of church bells is still audible.


Man: If only we had some kind of missile, we could take the steam out of those bells.
The man still wants a missile to silence the church bells.


Wife: Well, you could always use the number 14-St. Joseph-the-somewhat- divine-on-the-hill ballistic missile. It's in the attic.
The wife reveals that there is a missile that the man can use in the attic called 14-St. Joseph-the-somewhat- divine-on-the-hill.


Man: What ballistic missile would this be, then?
The man asks about the missile's specifications.


(Sound: Bells begin to get increasingly louder)
The church bells are getting louder.


Wife: I made it for you, it's your birthday present!
The wife reveals that she made the missile for the man's birthday present.


Man: Just what I wanted, 'ow nice of you to remember, my pet. 'EAR!
The man sarcastically thanks his wife and asks her to listen to the church bells.


Wife: WHAT?
The wife didn't understand what the man said.


Man: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!
The man points out that the church bells are getting louder.


Wife: THE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER! OOOH, LOOK!
The wife agrees with the man and gets excited about something outside.


Man: WHAT?
The man asks what the wife is referring to.


Wife: THE CHURCH, IT'S GETTING CLOSER! ITS COMING DOWN THE 'ILL!
The wife realizes that the church is coming down the hill and towards their home.


Man: WHAT A LIBERTY!
The man is not happy that the church is coming towards their home.


Wife: IT'S TURNING INTO OUR LANE!
The church is turning into their lane.


Man: WHERE'S THIS MISSILE, THEN?
The man is asking where the missile is located.


Wife: IT'S IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD. PRESS THE BUTTON MARKED CHURCH!
The missile is located in the airing cupboard and the man needs to press the button marked 'church' to activate it.


Man: 'OW DO I AIM IT?
The man asks how he can aim the missile.


Wife: IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP!
The missile automatically homes in on the nearest place of worship.


Man: THAT'S ST. MARKS!
The man thinks that St. Mark's is the nearest place of worship.


Wife: IT ISN'T NOW, LOOK!! OH, ITS OP'NING THE GATE.
The wife corrects the man and points out that the church isn't St. Mark's but is instead opening a gate near their home.


Man: WHAT? USE THE MEGAPHONE!
The man tells his wife to use the megaphone so he can hear her better.


Wife: IT'S OP'NING THE GATE!!
The wife repeats that the church is opening a gate near their home.


Man: I'LL POP UP THE AIRING CUPBOARD.
The man heads to the airing cupboard to activate the missile.


Wife: 'HURRY UP, ITS TRAMPLING OVER THE AZALIAS!
The wife tells the man to hurry up as the church is causing damage to their garden.


(Sound: Missle launch, explosion, bells diminish)
The missile is launched, there is an explosion, and the church bells eventually stop ringing.


Man: Did I 'it it?
The man asks if the missile hit the church.


Wife: Yes, right up the aisle.
The missile hit the church and went straight up the aisle.


Man: Well I've always said, There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not.
The man reflects on his religious beliefs and makes a joke about agnostics being able to do anything if they don't know what they believe in.




Contributed by Colin D. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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