Autobiography
Nicki Minaj Lyrics

May the Lord protect me as the world gets hectic
As life becomes more stressful, I ask for divine intervention to protect me.

My voice projected, my life reflected
Through my music, I reveal my experiences, thoughts, and feelings that reflect my life.

Daddy was a crack fiend
My father struggled with substance abuse, specifically crack cocaine addiction.

Two in the morning had us runnin' down the block like a track team
My father's addiction was so intense that we had to flee our home in the middle of the night and run down the street like athletes.

When he burned the house down and my mother was in it,
One night, my father set fire to our house while my mother was inside.

How could I forget it, the pain was infinite
The memory of that traumatic event still haunts me, and the pain it caused is immeasurable.

She's my queen and I ain't even British
My mother is the most important person in my life, and I hold her in the highest regard, even though I'm not from the UK.

She's the only reason that I went to school and I finished
My mother encouraged me to pursue my education, and her support is what motivated me to complete my studies.

She told me that I had talent,
My mother recognized my abilities and potential as an artist.

Got on her knees and prayed for me when I started being violent
My mother turned to prayer when I began exhibiting aggressive behavior, hoping that I could find peace and calmness.

She saw something in me that, 'til this day I don't know if I could be that
My mother saw a special quality in me that I still don't know if I possess.

But I'ma die trying, and when I'm done
I'm determined to make the most of my life and career.

Crying, grab the iron, black out like I'm retiring
When I've cried all my tears, I pick myself up and keep going, as I refuse to give up on my dreams.

Nightmares of you killing my mother,
I have terrifying dreams where my father murders my mother.

The reason that I sleep with my head under the covers
Because of my trauma, I still feel the need to hide under my blanket when I sleep.

And they shoulda thrown the book at you,
My father should have been heavily punished for his crimes.

'Cause I hate you so much that it burn when I look at you
The anger and resentment I feel towards my father is so strong that it physically hurts to see him.

Damn I wanna run to you
I often feel the desire to reunite with a former lover.

Hold you and kiss you and tell you how I miss you
If I were to see this person, I would express how much they mean to me and how much I long for them.

Thought I would have a son for you
At one point, I believed I would have a child with this person.

But now it's official, it's over and I can't let you go
Our relationship had ended, but it's difficult for me to move past the memory of what we shared.

But I gotta let you know, all the shit I did make me feel
I need to confess some of the bad things I did in this relationship because it affects how I currently feel.

Like I'm dying real slow
The guilt and pain from my past actions are slowly eating away at me.

'Cause no one understands me,
I feel like no one truly gets who I am and what I've been through.

They don't know what to do, when I'm hurt, when I'm angry
Others don't know how to help me when I'm struggling with my emotions.

You was my friend, and my man and my daddy
This person held many roles in my life, from friend to lover to father figure.

You was there when that bitch tried to stab me
This person was present during a dangerous situation where another woman attempted to harm me.

Anything I ever needed, knew you had me
This person was always there for me and provided any support I needed.

'Cause of you, all them chicks couldn't stand me
Because of this person's attention and affection towards me, other women were envious and disliked me.

So why hurt you? That's the question
I don't know why I caused harm to this person, and I'm struggling to understand why I behaved that way.

It took this long for me to learn my lesson
It's taken me a while to realize the errors of my ways and how I should have treated others.

'Cause now all I want is peace, forget drama
I desire a life of peace and tranquility, free from unnecessary conflict and issues.

I finally understand the true meaning of Karma
I have begun to comprehend the impact that my actions can have and the consequences that they can bring.

Please baby forgive me
I'm begging for forgiveness from someone who was negatively affected by my past mistakes.

Mommy was young, Mommy was too busy
I was young and didn't fully understand the implications of my actions when I made a difficult decision that affected someone else.

Tryna have fun, but now I pat myself on the back, for sending you back
I was only thinking of myself and having fun at the time, but I now regret my decision to end things with this person.

'Cause God knows I was better than that
I'm aware that I made a mistake and should have acted differently because I'm capable of more.

To conceive you then leave you,
I became pregnant and then chose to leave this person and end the relationship.

The concept alone seems evil, I'm trapped in my conscious
The idea of leaving my child's father seems morally wrong, and it's something that I struggle with in my conscience.

I adhere to the nonsense,
I'm listening to others telling me what I should do, even though it goes against what I truly want.

Listening to people who told me I wasn't ready for you
Others convinced me that I wasn't ready or capable of being a parent and that leaving this person was the right decision.

But how the fuck would they know what I was ready to do?
Others shouldn't have had a say in my personal decision and what I was capable of doing.

And of course it wasn't your fault
Ending the relationship wasn't this person's fault, and I don't blame them for it.

I could feel you in the air, I hear you
I still feel the presence of my unborn child around me, and hear them in my thoughts.

Saying 'Mommy don't cry can't you see I'm right here?'
In my imagination, my unborn baby reaches out to comfort me and remind me that they're still with me in spirit.

I gotta let you know what you mean to me
I need to express to this person how important they are to me and the impact they've had on my life.

When I'm sleepin', I could see you in my dreams with me
In my dreams, I have visions of this person and fantasize about being with them again.

Wish I could touch your little face and hold your little hand
I long to have a physical connection with my unborn child and the opportunity to nurture them.

If it's part of God's plan maybe we can meet again
I hope that God will bring us back together in the future if it's in His design.