No Reason Boner
Ninja Sex Party Lyrics

There are three, three, three kinds of erections
There are three types of erections: sexual arousal, nervous tension, and the mysterious third kind.

Some are sexual
Sexual arousal is one type of erection.

Some occur during periods of nervous tension
Nervous tension can sometimes lead to an erection.

But there's a mysterious third kind
There is a third type of erection that is not fully understood.

That no one really understands
The third kind of erection is perplexing and its cause is unknown.

It happens when your shlong decides
The third kind of erection is involuntary and occurs when the penis acts on its own.

To take matters into its own hands
The penis acts independently and causes the erection for no apparent reason.

No reason boner
This third type of erection is referred to as a 'no reason boner'.

It baffles scientists
Scientists are still puzzled by the third type of erection.

This morning I was having breakfast
The artist is describing a recent experience.

At the Midtown diner
The singer was eating at a diner in Midtown.

The bagel was delicious
The artist was enjoying their breakfast.

And the coleslaw couldn't be finer
The coleslaw was particularly tasty.

I got a weird look from the waitress
The waitress noticed something unusual about the singer's demeanor.

When I asked her for the check
The singer was ready to leave and asked for the check.

I looked down and realized
The artist took notice of their body and noticed something amiss.

I was one hundred percent erect
The artist had a no reason boner and was fully erect.

I like coleslaw but not that much
The no reason boner was not related to the singer's enjoyment of the coleslaw.

Hi! Welcome to the post office
The singer is providing the setting for the next part of the story.

Thanks! I just need to mail this package
The artist is conducting business at the post office.

No problem, just place it on the scale
The post office employee is assisting with mailing the package.

Sure thing!
The artist is agreeable to the request.

Oh! Oh god! I, I can't right now!
The singer is experiencing a no reason boner at an inopportune moment.

Why not?
The post office employee is questioning the artist's response.

I, I have to go, I have a, uh
The singer is coming up with an excuse to leave.

Doctor's appointment at the dentist's!
The excuse the singer came up with is implausible and nonsensical.

Now things are a little awkward
The situation is now uncomfortable.

Between my mailman and I
The artist is now uncomfortable around their mailman.

That was not my best lie
The artist acknowledges that their excuse was not convincing.

I was just covering up for my
The singer confesses that they were covering up their no reason boner.

This is no laughing matter
The singer begins a plea for understanding and compassion.

This is not some kind of game
The artist wants people to know that their no reason boner is not something to be trivialized.

I can tuck away my Johnson
The artist can hide their erection physically.

But I can never tuck away the shame
The artist feels embarrassed and ashamed about the situation.

It can happen anytime
The no reason boner can happen unexpectedly and without invitation.

It can happen anywhere
The no reason boner can happen in any location.

When the Loch Ness Monster
The singer is using a metaphor to describe the unpredictable nature of the no reason boner.

Decides he wants to randomly come up for air
The no reason boner arises without warning or explanation.

You're ruining my life
The singer is expressing the impact of the no reason boner on their life.

Why?
The artist is questioning why they must endure the no reason boner.