Tldr
Open Mike Eagle Lyrics

Only your corrollaries know ya'll
Only your close associates really understand who you are.

Unique snowflakes in ordinary snowballs
We all think of ourselves as unique, but in reality, we are part of a larger group.

And you can find me in the place sipping whats to sip
You can find me relaxing, enjoying my surroundings.

Between shrooms and touring I'm sure to take a bunch of trips
As a touring musician, I have many opportunities to travel and experience new things.

And fuck that one guy who's screen name was 'thunderlips'
I strongly dislike a person who used the screen name 'thunderlips'.

Pelt him with a bag full of mesquite flavored Kruncher chips
I want to throw a bag of mesquite-flavored chips at this person.

Yeah, bout to raise my vibration up
I am about to elevate my mood.

See me, say hi, wave, try to say what's up
Feel free to approach me and say hello.

Its all good in the hood, I think
Things are going well for me, I believe.

I listened to the Kinks and my fridge don't stink
I enjoy listening to The Kinks and my refrigerator is clean.

So today's a pretty good day
Today is a good day for me.

Doing what I'm supposed to do and saying what I should say
I am trying to do the right thing and say the right words.

Hooray, I'm not feeling bad like I could be
I'm happy that I'm not feeling worse than I am.

Or regretting that I didn't grow my hair like Toure's
I don't regret not having the same hairstyle as Toure.

Yeah, I wanna show up in the search results
I want people to find me easily on the internet.

Purchase Volkswagens then cake up and purchase coats
I want to make enough money to afford a Volkswagen and also buy nice coats.

Them little thin ones is worthless folks
Thin, cheap jackets aren't worth the money.

And I'm sad we never got to see the tweets
I'm disappointed we never got to read a person's tweets.

Mr. perfect posts
This person always made perfect posts on social media.

Yeah, It's all white meat and baby fat
Everything is innocent and young.

Been woke so long I might need to take a nap
I've been 'woke' for so long, I may need a break to rest.

And I'm likely afraid of that
I'm probably scared of needing to rest.

Imma swipe me a high speed data map
I'm going to get a high-speed data plan.

Or I might be high speed beta max
I could be a high-speed beta user.

Cassette tape
Reference to an outdated technology.

Show me your best resting death face
Make a face like you're dead and resting.

Show me anything except for whoever makes the best vapes
I don't want to see anything related to people who make the best vapes.

Yeah, couldn't even pretend to give a freak
I don't care enough to pretend to care.

Submit this whole verse as an op ed to Businessweek
I feel like this verse could be submitted as an op-ed in Businessweek.

I wrote a letter to the editor
I wrote a letter to the editor of a publication.

I don't know if death certificate's better than the predator
I'm not sure if getting a death certificate is easier or harder than defeating The Predator.

Veteran cheddar getters know to do it togetherer
Experienced people know that it's better to work together.

And that's way they make stuff foreverer and everer
By working together, they are able to create things that last longer.

Yeah, and everybody mama know the song
Everyone knows this particular song.

But they still won't let a brother dip a toe in Lake Woebegone
They still won't allow me to be a part of something.

And if you're stuck in a traffic jam?
What do you do when you're stuck in traffic?

Add me on the snapstagram
Follow me on Snapchat and Instagram.

This was brought to you by shit that I don't own
This is all about things that I don't possess.

If you was rich and about to be broke I can coach you
If you were rich and on the verge of being broke, I can offer advice.

Cause I can show you how to kill a roach with a boat shoe
I can teach you a unique way of killing a cockroach.

Might have to sell the dining room table though
I may have to sell my dining room table.

And pay to go ham on some second-hand baby clothes
But I can still afford to buy some used baby clothes.

Cut the cable, bro, gamble on wireless
Stop paying for cable and use wireless instead.

My sister sells jailbroken amazon firesticks
My sister sells illegally-modified Amazon Firesticks.

Need somewhere to bark start with local governments
If you want to make a change, start with your local government.

Spar with Republicans, the stars won't be punishing
Engage in political debate and don't be afraid of scrutiny.

You, fool, your phone's the new ark of the covenant
Your phone is very important to you.

And God spoke to you in a bar called Mulligans
You had a spiritual experience in a bar called Mulligans.

If there was justice all men would have to die, patricide
If true justice existed, all men would have to die for their fathers' sins.

Tweet at the void and heart the at replies
Send out tweets into the internet abyss and be pleased with the responses.

And don't cry if you can't find me
Don't be upset if you can't locate me.

I built a time machine to go hide in the 90's
I'm pretending that I can time travel to the 1990s.

No friends I only want giants beside me
I only want to be around great people.

To get close you gotta be the the size of a pine tree
To be close to me, you need to be physically large.

My supervillain name would be Ultra Hater
If I were a supervillain, my name would be Ultra Hater.

I'd act really cool then insult you later
I would act friendly but then insult you behind your back.

Here's something you should know from the ground floor
I'm going to give you some inside information.

As far as rappers none us as cool as we sound, bro
Despite how cool we may sound, rappers are not actually that cool.

And dog I'm fatigued
I'm feeling exhausted.

The world's moving all different speeds
The world is moving at different rates.

This song's too long didn't read
This song is too long, so I'm summarizing it for you.