A Fine Romance
Oscar Peterson Trio Lyrics

A fine romance, with no kisses
This relationship is supposedly romantic, but we haven't even kissed once.

A fine romance, my friend this is
Sadly, this is what I must call our relationship - we're just friends.

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
We should be full of passion for one another, but we're not.

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
Unfortunately, you lack any sort of warmth or enthusiasm for this relationship.

A fine romance, you won't nestle
You don't want any physical intimacy, even cuddling.

A fine romance, you won't wrestle
You don't want to argue or fight for this relationship - instead, you're passive and uninvolved.

I might as well play bridge
This relationship is so boring, I may as well be playing the card game bridge.

With my old maid aunt
At least my aunt (who has never been married) might be more interested in spending time with me than you are.

I haven't got a chance
There's no way this relationship has a future with the way you're acting.

This is a fine romance
Sarcasm at its finest - this relationship is anything but fine.

A fine romance, my good fellow
I guess I have to address you as a gentleman, even though you're not behaving like one in this romance.

You take romance, I'll take jello
I'm willing to put in the time and effort for our relationship, but you couldn't care less.

You're calmer than the seals
You're so indifferent to this relationship that even animals seem more emotionally expressive than you.

In the arctic ocean
This is a hyperbolic reference to the extreme nature of your calmness.

At least they flap their fins
At least seals have some way of demonstrating their excitement - you can't even manage that.

To express emotion
Even seals have a better way of communicating their feelings than you do.

A fine romance with no quarrels
Although healthy relationships involve some amount of conflict and resolution, we don't even have that going on.

With no insults and all morals
We don't fight because you don't seem to care enough about the relationship to get into any sort of emotional battle. It doesn't mean we're morally superior, though.

I've never mussed the crease
I'm not even allowed to touch you in any sort of affectionate way, much less playfully muss up your clothing.

In your blue serge pants
A specific clothing item that emphasizes the lack of physical intimacy in our relationship.

I never get the chance
Our relationship is so distant that I never even get the opportunity to try to be close to you.

This is a fine romance
Nope, still terrible.