Country as Fuck
Paul Cauthen Lyrics

I'm a shade tree mechanic
I'm skilled in fixing cars under the shade of trees rather than in a garage

Got a one-ton truck
I own a large truck with a capacity of one ton

I drink a thirty pack a day
I consume around thirty cans of beer daily

'Cause I'm country as fuck
I'm extremely and unapologetically 'country'

Call me Lil Nas
You can refer to me as Lil Nas

Call Me Tim McGraw
You can refer to me as Tim McGraw

Not a moment too soon
I act at the appropriate time or even better, in time to avoid problems

I had horses in the stall
I have stabled horses in the stable

I go to Piggly Wiggly
I shop at Piggly Wiggly, a grocery store chain in the US

Call out on my CB
I communicate using my CB radio

Steal a VCR and jimmy-rig it to my TV
I secretly take someone's VCR and connect it to my television in a precarious way

Hot dog holly golly dagnabbit
An expression typically used to express excitement or emphasize a statement

I was two years old when I shot my first rabbit
I first hunted a rabbit at a tender age of two

Only got one hat
I have only one hat that I cherish dearly

If you touch it then you die
You'll be in serious trouble if you attempt to touch my hat

Unless you're blonde, you can dance
Except for blondes, everyone else has to be able to dance to touch my hat

And cinch a hogtie
You also need to be able to tie a hog properly to touch my hat

Hot dog holly golly dagnabbit damn son
An expression typically used to express excitement or emphasize a statement

If I don't catch a check I'm gonna sell my wife's gun
I'm running out of money, and I have no option other than to sell my wife's gun if I don't get a check soon

'Cause I'm country
I'm from the countryside and have a certain way of life

Livin' it up
I'm enjoying life to the fullest

So dang country
I'm very much a country person

You ain't country enough
You're not from the countryside or don't exhibit the right behavior

Make my own definition
I don't conform to society's expectation of what it means to be country

Beat the system
I subvert the country ideals defined by society and create my own rules

'Bout to start a new religion
I'm almost starting a new campaign or belief that others can follow

Call it Country
I'll name this new belief Country

NASCAR, dive bar, fireworks, guitar
I'm a fan of car racing, dive bars, fireworks, and playing the guitar

Riding mower, landowner, 83 Texoma
I own a riding mower, land, and a big lake called 'Texoma' index number 83

I was driving tractors before it got sexy
I was younger and already driving tractors, and it wasn't a fashionable thing back then

Real cowboys don't rock to Kenny Chesney
True cowboys don't listen to contemporary country music artist, Kenny Chesney

Catfishin', skinny dippin', bonfires, big tires
I enjoy catching Catfish, swimming naked, bonfires, and using big tires

Willie Nelson, candy meltin' summer sun, shootin' guns
I also love Willie Nelson's country music, candy making, summertime sun, and often go hunting with my guns

I ain't gotta sell my soul
I don't have to sell my soul to the devil to advance in life

If I want it then I grab it
If I want something, I don't hesitate to take it

I'm about to cash a check buy a Yeti from a plug
I'm almost cashing a check, and then I'll buy a high-end cooler 'Yeti' clandestinely from someone

I'm country
I'm a true person of the countryside

I'm country as fuck
I'm excessively and unapologetically 'country'

I make my own definition
I define my country identity as I deem fit

Start a new religion
I'm creating a new set of country practices to follow

If you bump into me
If we encounter each other

I'ma always say sorry
I'll always apologize, even if it's not my fault

Candy-painted Harley
I own a Harley-Davidson motorcycle with bright paint

Beer pong at the party
I participate in beer pong games at a party

All the girls are wild
The girls who attend country parties tend to be adventurous

Yeah, country girls are naughty
Females from the countryside tend to be mischievous