10 Lessons In Love
Paul Heaton Lyrics


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You Keep 'em busy talking
and they probably won't notice your weight (That's 1)
No one counts the acres in the field
when they're swinging on gate

Distracting their attention is achieved
with a worrying ease
They can't taste the fruit
if they're too busy swinging the trees

The scar you conceal
the stretch marks covered up at all times
Won't ever surface if you shag him
and start talking star signs (That's 2)

There's a thousand sweeping statements that you can use
before he reaches the bra
And if he's close to unhooking the truth
whisper "Time at the bar" (That's 3)

If you brush up on History and Science
he'll be able to blag
The "She's too intelligent" or
"She's just a friend we don't shag" (That's 4)

Don't wave him goodbye
Don't say you'll see him around (5 - 6)
Knowing he'll say you were a pig
when he thought you were sound
And if all 10 lessons in love
weighed a stone a piece
You'd be bigger and more beautiful
and hiding men in every crease

Hooking men is easy
losing them is tougher by far
Cause if they're drunk enough to fuck you
then they wont be driving home in their car

So get him in a cab, make him pay
drag him into your flat (That's 7)
Keep him topped up with whatever
got you as far as that (That's 8)

And in the morning when he opens his eyes
let it all hang down (That's 9)
Then time how long it takes him to ask
for a taxi to town

Don't wave him goodbye
Don't say you'll see him around (5 - 6)
Knowing he'll say you were a pig
when he thought you were sound
And if all 10 lessons in love
weighed a stone a piece
You'd be bigger and more beautiful
and hiding men in every crease

One night stands
shouldn't fill themselves with shame
Maybe just a promise next time
to take a steadier aim

Why every guy denies
receiving 1st prize
Like its pumpkin or marrow at fayre
not a human with eyes

Don't wave him goodbye
Don't say you'll see him around (5 - 6)
Knowing he'll say you were a pig
when he thought you were sound
And if all 10 lessons in love
weighed a stone a piece
You'd be bigger and more beautiful
and hiding men in every crease

Trapped by the mob he'll confess
that he stayed the whole night
But only agreed
after putting up a hell of a fight

And if you leave him your e-mail address
it's a pretty safe bet (That's 10)




He'll be hiding his computer
and denying ever using the net

Overall Meaning

In "10 Lessons in Love," Paul Heaton paints a picture of a woman who is skilled in the art of seduction. The lyrics are a sort of a tongue-in-cheek guide on how to successfully seduce men. The opening lines suggest that if a woman keeps men busy talking, they are less likely to notice her weight. The next line talks about how people swinging on a gate do not count the acres in a field, implying that if a woman keeps a man's attention in other ways, he won't notice her flaws.


The song goes on to suggest various tactics a woman can use to distract a man and keep him interested. These include using sweeping statements, talking about history and science, and pretending to be too intelligent to be interested in sex. The song also suggests that women should not allow men to drive home drunk but should get them a cab, keep them topped up with whatever got them seduced in the first place, and let it all hang down in the morning before sending them on their way.


Overall, the song is a satirical take on seduction and relationships, highlighting some of the absurdities and unspoken rules of the dating game.


Line by Line Meaning

You Keep 'em busy talking and they probably won't notice your weight (That's 1)
Distracting someone's attention from your appearance is relatively easy. They're unlikely to judge you harshly without scrutiny.


The scar you conceal the stretch marks covered up at all times Won't ever surface if you shag him and start talking star signs (That's 2)
If you're self-conscious about something, you can avoid worrying about it by distracting the person you're with with a conversation about anything else.


There's a thousand sweeping statements that you can use before he reaches the bra And if he's close to unhooking the truth whisper "Time at the bar" (That's 3)
If you want to avoid intimacy, you can distract someone with flattery or conversation and redirect attention away from sex until you're more comfortable.


If you brush up on History and Science he'll be able to blag The "She's too intelligent" or "She's just a friend we don't shag" (That's 4)
If you're worried about being judged or shamed by someone you're with, you can impress them with your knowledge and intelligence to avoid being put down or dismissed.


Don't wave him goodbye Don't say you'll see him around (5 - 6) Knowing he'll say you were a pig when he thought you were sound
If you're concerned about someone talking about you negatively after you've been with them, it's best to avoid prolonged goodbyes or any expectation of seeing them again.


And if all 10 lessons in love weighed a stone a piece You'd be bigger and more beautiful and hiding men in every crease
If you internalize these tips and become adept at avoiding intimacy or negative judgment, you'll have the freedom to engage as much or as little as you like without fear of being judged.


So get him in a cab, make him pay drag him into your flat (That's 7) Keep him topped up with whatever got you as far as that (That's 8)
If you're interested in engaging with someone sexually, it's important to take control of the situation and ensure that you're comfortable and confident. Offer drinks or make other small gestures to keep them at ease.


And in the morning when he opens his eyes let it all hang down (That's 9) Then time how long it takes him to ask for a taxi to town
After a night together, it's important to feel comfortable in your own skin and not be self-conscious. If the person you're with is uncomfortable afterward, they may try to leave quickly or distance themselves.


One night stands shouldn't fill themselves with shame Maybe just a promise next time to take a steadier aim
It's okay to engage with someone sexually and not feel shame or worry about what others might think. If you're interested in continuing to do so, be open about it and don't let societal norms or conventions hold you back.


Trapped by the mob he'll confess that he stayed the whole night But only agreed after putting up a hell of a fight
Men are sometimes defensive or evasive about their sexual or romantic involvements with women because of societal norms and pressure to appear 'masculine' or in control.


And if you leave him your e-mail address it's a pretty safe bet (That's 10) He'll be hiding his computer and denying ever using the net
In the age of technology, some men may be afraid of being caught in any romantic or sexual wrongdoing, and may take steps to hide their behavior or deny ever having engaged with someone online or through social media.




Contributed by Aria I. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
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Comments from YouTube:

@dionysus101

One of the finest songs of recent times. Lyrics are wonderful...

@Archi-Bald

I love jacqui Abbots voice and Paul Heaton is just a National treasure

@crystalball6358

I love this group and the song!

@rockinrobo84

Still a great tune. I heard that after Jacqui left Dave Hemingway sung her parts during gigs until Alison joined. I would love to see a video of Paul and Dave doing this as a duet. I Imagine it would have been funny. I tried looking to see if there was performances of this on YouTube from around late 2000 or 2001 but couldn't find any.

@crochetandcrashhelmets3505

Love this ❤

@tyronepower3786

Fantastic Brings back great memories

@WillRobinson

4 years later, still broken as shit and hilarious with it

@slash7661

techno version starts at 2:02 ! 😂

@boraboris2008

😹

@andyrharris

Tyres from Spaced would love this part.

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