Once
Pearl Jam/Brendan O'Brien Lyrics

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I admit it, what's to say
I'll relive it, without pain
Backstreet lover on the side
Of the road
I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I got a .16 gauge buried under my clothes, I play

Once upon a time I could control myself

Once upon a time I could lose myself
Oh try and mimic, what's insane
I am in it, where do I stand?

Indian summer I hate the heat
I got a backstreet lover on the passenger seat
I got my hand in my pocket so determined discreet, I pray

Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself
Once upon a time I could control myself
Once upon a time I could lose myself
Once upon a time I could love myself
Once upon a time I could love you
Once
Once
Once
Once
Once

Once
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Overall Meaning

The lyrics to Pearl Jam's song "Once" are filled with pain, anger, and self-doubt. The opening lyrics "I admit it, what's to say, I'll relive it, without pain" suggest that the singer is deeply ashamed of something they have done in the past and they are struggling to come to terms with it. They are willing to relive the experience but without the emotional pain that is usually associated with it. Adding "Backstreet lover on the side of the road, I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode, I got a .16 gauge buried under my clothes, I play" underscores the singer's mental state — they are a ticking time bomb, both physically and mentally. The backstreet lover in this instance could be interpreted as a metaphor for something that the singer has been hiding, perhaps an extramarital affair or a drug addiction.

The second verse introduces the idea that the singer was once able to control themselves, but now they find themselves struggling to do so. The line "I am in it, where do I stand?" suggests a confusion about their place in the world and their identity. The mention of an "Indian summer" is a reference to a time of year when the heat is unbearable, which could be interpreted as a metaphor for the singer's internal turmoil. They have a lover in the car with them and they are determined to keep it a secret, as evidenced by the line "I got my hand in my pocket so determined discreet, I pray."

Overall, the lyrics to "Once" paint a picture of a person who is struggling with their identity, their past, and their present. They are deeply ashamed of something they have done, and it is affecting their ability to control themselves and keep their secrets.

Line by Line Meaning

I admit it, what's to say
I acknowledge my past mistakes without hesitation.

I'll relive it, without pain
I will confront my past to gain closure and move forward with my life.

Backstreet lover on the side Of the road
I had a secret lover who I met in a discrete location.

I got a bomb in my temple that is gonna explode
I have pent-up emotions that are ready to burst out at any moment.

I got a .16 gauge buried under my clothes, I play
My dangerous impulses are always with me, fueling my behavior.

Once upon a time I could control myself
At one point in time, I had a better grasp on my actions and emotions.

Once upon a time I could lose myself
At one point in time, I had the freedom to express myself and explore my identity.

Oh try and mimic, what's insane
I challenge others to replicate the intensity of my emotions and experiences.

I am in it, where do I stand?
I am fully invested in this situation, but I am unsure of my position and what it all means.

Indian summer I hate the heat
The oppressive heat of summer aggravates my already unstable mental state.

I got a backstreet lover on the passenger seat
I continue to engage in reckless behavior with my secret lover.

I got my hand in my pocket so determined discreet, I pray
I am nervous and paranoid about getting caught, hoping that no one will discover my secrets.

Once upon a time I could control myself
I long for the ability to manage my emotions and impulses like I used to.

Once upon a time I could lose myself
I yearn for the freedom to explore and express myself without fear of judgment or consequence.

Once upon a time I could love myself
I used to have confidence and self-love but have lost it along the way.

Once upon a time I could love you
I used to be capable of loving another person deeply, but it feels like a distant memory now.

Once Once Once Once Once Once Yeah yeah yeah yeah
The repetition of 'once' represents the cyclical nature of my struggles and the feeling of being stuck in a constant cycle of pain, regret, and reckless behavior.

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Written by: Eddie Jerome Vedder, Stone C. Gossard

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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