Throughout her 20s, Paulusma flirted with a number of occupations, from scholar (she embarked on a PhD after graduation from Cambridge University) to novelist (she was talented enough to bag a literary agent). But raised on a diet of Joni Mitchell and Carole King, music was always Paulusma’s first love. She wrote her first song aged ten, but it took 18 years of denial before she finally listened to her heart and recorded her debut album.
“Music had always been part of my life,” she says. “I’d been in bands, writing songs all along, but I’d just been doing it for the hell of it. It never crossed my mind to try and do it properly.”
It wasn’t until she recorded backing vocals for friends Ben & Jason’s last album that the penny finally dropped. “I had one of these earth shattering moments when I suddenly realised that everything I was doing was wrong and that I should be doing this instead,” she says. “It was like I got hit with an electric current – maybe I did – it was a pretty lo-fi studio so there was always that possibility! I just started crying. I thought, oh buggery fuck, here we go again.”
Carry Me Home
Polly Paulusma Lyrics
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Once upon a time somebody told me
I was going to be someone
I was s'posed to be someone
Now one half likes to carry, wants to share
I want to hold the candle
Load the gun for you, only load the gun for you
But the other half yearns to be living that hard life
That are all on my own, so
blow winds and come rainclouds
Gather over my head
cracks keep gaping down me
Opening great halls of tug-of-war
Where no-one is the champion
So slice me down the middle
Keep the half that wants to be
Your eyes, your arms to fight for you
'cause this other half needs to be living that hard life
Can you let me squeeze the trigger?
Can you give me the gun? oh!
blow the winds and come you rainclouds
Gather over my head
if I win, are you man enough to claim me?
If I fail, will you carry me home?
blow winds and come you rainclouds
Gather over my head;
Blow winds and come rainclouds
Gather over my head
The lyrics of Polly Paulusma's "Carry Me Home" speak to the internal struggle and conflict that one can experience within themselves when it comes to their desires and ambitions. The song starts with the lines "Spin me round, I'm blindfold / Once upon a time somebody told me / I was going to be someone / I was s'posed to be someone." These lines imply that the singer is feeling directionless, perhaps unsure of the path that they are on, and unsure of what their future holds.
The chorus, "Blow winds and come rainclouds / Gather over my head," paints a picture of chaos and uncertainty, as if the singer is at the mercy of the elements. In the second verse, the singer seems to be torn between two warring halves of themselves: "Now one half likes to carry, wants to share / I want to hold the candle / Load the gun for you, only load the gun for you / But the other half yearns to be living that hard life / When I'm making breaking rules / That are all on my own." Here, the singer seems to be expressing their desire to help others, but also their desire to live life on their own terms, even if that means breaking rules.
The bridge, "So slice me down the middle / Keep the half that wants to be / Your eyes, your arms to fight for you / 'cause this other half needs to be living that hard life / Can you let me squeeze the trigger? / Can you give me the gun? oh!" speaks to the singer's desire to merge these two halves of themselves into one cohesive whole, but they're not sure how to do so. They ask their partner to support them and let them explore their desires, even if they seem contradictory at times. Finally, the song ends on the poignant note of "if I win, are you man enough to claim me? / If I fail, will you carry me home?" which shows that the singer is aware of the risks they are taking, but they are willing to take them anyways, as long as they have someone who will support them in both victory and defeat.
Line by Line Meaning
Spin me round, I'm blindfold
I feel directionless and confused in life.
Once upon a time somebody told me
I was given hope and expectation of achieving success.
I was going to be someone
I had big dreams and was meant to achieve them.
I was s'posed to be someone
I had a destiny to fulfill.
Now one half likes to carry, wants to share
One part of me wants to help and support others.
I want to hold the candle
I want to provide light in the darkness, show the way.
Load the gun for you, only load the gun for you
I'm willing to empower others, but only for those worthy of trust.
But the other half yearns to be living that hard life
Another part of me desires struggle, challenge, and risk-taking.
When I'm making breaking rules
I seek to rebel against societal norms, challenge conventions.
That are all on my own, so
I want to pursue my own path, without needing anyone else's approval.
blow winds and come rainclouds
I'm facing adversity, hardship and need support.
Gather over my head
The challenges are closing in, and it's overwhelming.
cracks keep gaping down me
I'm falling apart, with weaknesses and vulnerabilities showing.
Opening great halls of tug-of-war
I feel constantly pulled in different directions, with no clear winner.
Where no-one is the champion
No one seems to win, everything feels like a loss.
So slice me down the middle
I want to divide myself in two, to follow both paths.
Keep the half that wants to be
I want to keep the part of me that seeks to help and support others.
Your eyes, your arms to fight for you
And use it to empower others, to help them fight their battles.
'cause this other half needs to be living that hard life
But I also want to follow the path of struggle, risk-taking and rule-breaking.
Can you let me squeeze the trigger?
Can you allow me to take risks, make choices, to live my own life?
Can you give me the gun? oh!
Can you provide me with the means to pursue my own path?
if I win, are you man enough to claim me?
If I succeed in following my own path, will you be proud of me?
If I fail, will you carry me home?
If I fail, will you still support me, help me through it?
blow winds and come you rainclouds
I'm still facing adversity, and in need of support.
Gather over my head;
The challenges are still present, and it feels overwhelming.
Blow winds and come rainclouds
The problems are persisting, and I can't face them alone.
Gather over my head
I'm in need of help, support and guidance.
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: PAULUSMA
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind