Polly Paulusma is a critically acclaimed, English singer-songwriter. In rec… Read Full Bio ↴Polly Paulusma is a critically acclaimed, English singer-songwriter. In recent years, Paulusma has toured with the likes of Bob Dylan, Coldplay, Gary Jules, Jamie Cullum, Joseph Arthur, and Marianne Faithfull.

Throughout her 20s, Paulusma flirted with a number of occupations, from scholar (she embarked on a PhD after graduation from Cambridge University) to novelist (she was talented enough to bag a literary agent). But raised on a diet of Joni Mitchell and Carole King, music was always Paulusma’s first love. She wrote her first song aged ten, but it took 18 years of denial before she finally listened to her heart and recorded her debut album.

“Music had always been part of my life,” she says. “I’d been in bands, writing songs all along, but I’d just been doing it for the hell of it. It never crossed my mind to try and do it properly.”

It wasn’t until she recorded backing vocals for friends Ben & Jason’s last album that the penny finally dropped. “I had one of these earth shattering moments when I suddenly realised that everything I was doing was wrong and that I should be doing this instead,” she says. “It was like I got hit with an electric current – maybe I did – it was a pretty lo-fi studio so there was always that possibility! I just started crying. I thought, oh buggery fuck, here we go again.”

Mea Culpa
Polly Paulusma Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

Was he with you at the railway?
Did he cradle all your pain?
Did he show to you the best way
To make it all alright again?
Now there was reason in your madness,
You weighed your loss against my gain,
If he was with you at the railway
Would you do it all again?

mea culpa
I can't stay here no longer
Mea, mea culpa
My time here is up
So goodbye, goodbye and good luck

Was he with you on that journey
When you could have still turned back?
Did he reason with you sternly?
Did he try to make your resolve crack?
Did he hold the only candle
When your whole white sky turned black?
Was he with you at the railway
As you climbed onto the track?

mea culpa
I can't stay here no longer
Mea, mea culpa
My time here is up
So goodbye, goodbye and good luck

Did he guide you across the threshold?
Did he cup you in his hands?
Did he drink you down like water?
Or blow you into air like sand?
Is he standing right beside you?
Did it work out like you planned?
Is the sunlight shining on you?
Are we saved or are we damned?

mea culpa
I can't stay here no longer
Mea, mea culpa

My time here is up
So goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye and good luck

Overall Meaning

The lyrics of Polly Paulusma's "Mea Culpa" are a meditation on the steep cost of past deeds, explored through the lens of the question: "What if he was there with you, at the railway?" The song seems to be addressed to someone who has already made a decision - a catastrophic choice that the singer and the listener both know cannot be undone. The singer is grappling with the reality of the situation and the toll it has taken, wondering if the pain that is being felt is worth the end result. The singer wants to know if the presence of someone else there, a third party, would have made a difference to the outcome of this decision.

The refrain, "my time here is up," is poignant in its finality, suggesting either a literal sense of leaving or a more spiritual meaning of the singer taking responsibility and atoning for their past mistakes. The Latin phrase "mea culpa" means "my fault" or "my mistake," lending more weight to this interpretation of atonement. The song ultimately wonders whether the singer has been saved or damned by their choices, with no clear answer given.

Line by Line Meaning

Was he with you at the railway?
Did he accompany you to the place you could take your life?

Did he cradle all your pain?
Did he hold and comfort you in times of pain?

Did he show to you the best way To make it all alright again?
Did he guide you towards making amends with everything?

Now there was reason in your madness, You weighed your loss against my gain,
You gave thought to a decision that would affect our relationship and weighed the pros and cons of it.

If he was with you at the railway Would you do it all again?
Would you still make the same decision if he was present on that day?

mea culpa I can't stay here no longer Mea, mea culpa My time here is up So goodbye, goodbye and good luck
I take responsibility for my actions and choices. I cannot stay here any longer. I wish you well as I depart.

Was he with you on that journey When you could have still turned back?
Did he accompany you on a path where you still had the chance to make a U-turn?

Did he reason with you sternly? Did he try to make your resolve crack?
Did he try to persuade you to change your mind with strong arguments?

Did he hold the only candle When your whole white sky turned black?
Did he offer you a glimmer of hope in your darkest moments?

Was he with you at the railway As you climbed onto the track?
Did he support or encourage you when you were taking the drastic step?

Did he guide you across the threshold?
Did he accompany you to the doorstep of something new?

Did he cup you in his hands?
Did he handle you with care and gentleness?

Did he drink you down like water? Or blow you into air like sand?
Did he consume you completely or let you slip away without a trace?

Is he standing right beside you? Did it work out like you planned?
Did he follow through with his promises or did things not go as you hoped?

Is the sunlight shining on you? Are we saved or are we damned?
Are you in a place of happiness and salvation, or is everything still in chaos?

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Written by: PAULUSMA

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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