I'm My Own Grandpa
Ray Stevens Lyrics

Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three
Back in my younger years when I was only twenty-three years old

I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be
I entered into matrimony with a widow who was extremely beautiful

This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
This widow also had an adult daughter who possessed hair of a red hue

My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
My father fell in love with this woman and shortly thereafter, they were married

This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life
As a result, my dad became my son-in-law and this drastically altered my existence

For now my daughter was my mother, 'cause she was my father's wife
This was because my daughter had become my mother, albeit surreally, due to her union to my father

And to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy
Although the situation brought me happiness, it also made things more complex

I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
In due course, I fathered a healthy baby boy

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
Subsequently, my infant son became my dad's brother-in-law

And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
This, in turn, made my son my uncle, which caused me great distress

For if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother
This was because if my son became my uncle, he was then also my step-sibling

Of the widow's grownup daughter, who was of course my step-mother
Interestingly, this step-sibling was also the grown-up daughter of my father's wife, thus making her my step-mother

Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
My step-mother eventually gave birth to a son, who proved to be quite a handful

And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son
In an odd twist of fate, this troublesome child was also my grandchild, seeing as he was my daughter's son

My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Currently, my wife has become my mother's mother, which upsets me greatly

Because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too
In a surreal and confounding turn of events, my wife is simultaneously my grandmother

Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild
As a result of these familial anomalies, I have now become my wife's grandchild

And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
Reflecting on this bizarre situation fills me with intense emotions, almost driving me to the brink of insanity

'Cause now I have become the strangest 'case you ever saw
As a result of all of these perplexing developments, I have truly become one of the most peculiar cases imaginable

As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
So, as my grandfather, I married my grandmother, thus resulting in the surreal situation where I am my own grandpa

I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa
So, to sum up, and as surreal as it may seem, I am indeed my own grandfather

It sounds funny, I know but it really is so
Although this may sound humorous, I assure you that these circumstances are indeed real

I'm my own grandpa
So, to reiterate, I am my own grandfather