The Pirate Song
Ray Stevens Lyrics

Sixteen men on a dead man's chest yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum
Let us prepare for the adventure with this crew, with high spirits and plenty of rum

Avast there, mates you're sailing with Long John Blackbeard Pegleg Patcheye Hook!
Introducing our pirate crew, led by the notorious pirate leaders known as Long John, Blackbeard, Pegleg, Patcheye, and Hook

The scourge of the Bounty Main!
Our pirates have a notorious reputation as the most ruthless and fierce on the seven seas

The bloodthirstiest, black-heartedest pirate captain ever sailed the seven seas!
Our pirate captain is known as the most barbaric and evil pirate to ever sail the seas

Ha ha,what say ye, we hoist the Jolly Roger, heel over to yonder Spanish galleon
Let us raise our pirate flag, turn toward the Spanish ship, and prepare for the attack

Lay a few broadsides again' her timbers
Shoot several cannons at the enemy's ship to weaken them

Swing over there on these here lanyards with our cutlasses in our teeth
Let's use ropes to swing over to their ship, while holding onto our swords in our mouths

Cut out the rivets and split the booty
Remove the bolts that hold their treasure chests and take all their loot

What say ye to that, me hearties? Ha ha ha
What do you say about our successful mission, fellow pirates? Let's celebrate our victory

I don't like it You don't like it?
One of the pirates is expressing their dissatisfaction, while the others are questioning it

It's tacky, tacky, tacky, tacky and don't look at me that way Well, if you don't like it, what do you want?
The pirate thinks their plan is cheesy and unappealing, but the others ask what they would prefer instead

I want to sing and dance I want to sing and dance (Sing and Dance) I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance Wear me silver buckle slippers and me tight shiny pants I want to sing and dance!
The dissatisfied pirate expresses their true desire to be a part of a musical production, with a chance to show off their costume and singing skills

You wanna sing and dance? Hah! Well, you don't like plunderin', eh? Shiver me timbers, how 'bout treasurin', huh? Rubies and emeralds, pearls Gold doubloons British soverigns, silver chalices encrusted with diamonds and jewels! Necklaces and bracelets of every shape and size, fit for the crown heads of Europe, eh? And all buried in a pirate's chest and I just happen to know where How 'bout that me bloodthirsty buckos, eh ha ha ha
The pirate crew mocks the dissatisfaction, and tries to convince the performer to participate in plundering treasure, showcasing the abundance of expensive items available for their taking

And I won't do it! I'm an artiste!
The performer insists on their artistic integrity, and refuses to participate in the pirate activities

Well, Mr. Artiste, what do you want?
The crew respects the performer's wishes, and asks what they would like instead

Now listen here, this ain't no floating Gilbert and Sullivan show, you know For some little flittin' Tinkerbell This here be a black-hearted pirate ship And I'd have you keelhauled if you weren't me own flesh and blood you little twit!
The captain reminds the performer that this is a serious pirate ship, not a musical show, and threatens punishment if they do not comply

Well, deep down, you wanna know the truth? It's not me I don't want it Well, what do you want? As if I didn't already bleeding know
The performer admits they do want to participate in pirate activities, but also thinks the crew already knows this

I want to sing and dance, and I know, I know and wear your tight little shiny pants ehh Okay, we'll all sing and dance!
The performer repeats their original desire, and the crew agrees to allow them to sing and dance

Or you'll walk the plank! One, two, three
The crew jokingly threatens to make the performer walk the plank if they do not comply, while also offering a countdown to their agreement

I don't like rum You don't like rum? Well, no, actually, well, I might like a little Perrier A little Perrier? With a lime in it A lime in it He wants a lime in it Well, do you have any escargot? (Escar-what?) What's your soup today? (Soup?) Might have a bit of a salad, too (Well, how about a bleeding fingerbowl?) And maybe a croissant, is that right? Those French make everything so hard, why didn't they just call it a bun?
The performer continues to express their dissatisfaction, and quirkily asks for specific food items and a fingerbowl, while rejecting the idea of rum