The Pirates Who Don
Relient K Lyrics


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Narrator: "Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up
the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!"
Larry, Pa, Mr. Lunt: "We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just
stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just
tell you ..."
Larry: "We don't do anything!"
Pa: "Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and
I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been
to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in
the fall."
All: "'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you
.."
Mr. Lunt: "We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I
never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cause I never
sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a
parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall."
All: "'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home
and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you
.. We don't do anything!"
Larry: "Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at
ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and
I've never been to Boston in the fall!"
Pa: "Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed
potatoes have to do with being a pirate??"
Mr. Lunt: "Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-why
things!"
Larry: "Oh ..."
Pa: "And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even
bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?"
Mr. Lunt: "I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!"
Pa: "Huh? No I don't!"
Mr. Lunt: "Do too."
Pa: "Do not!"
Mr. Lunt: "You're making me hungry."
Pa: "That's it, you're walkin' the plank!"
Mr. Lunt: "Says who?"
Pa: "Says the captain, that's who!"
Mr. Lunt: "Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!"
Larry: "And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a
stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and
I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ..."




Pa: "You just don't get it!"
All: "And we've never been to Boston in the fall!"

Overall Meaning

The song Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything by Relient K is a humorous take on the stereotypical perception of pirates. The three "pirates," Larry, Mr. Lunt, and Pa Grape, sing about how they don't engage in any of the typical pirate activities. Instead, they stay at home and do nothing. Each pirate rattles off a list of things they haven't done, such as travelling to various places, burying treasure, or engaging in specific pirate duties such as hoisting the mainstay or swabbing the poop deck. Eventually, Larry goes off topic and mentions bizarre things he's never done like kissing a chipmunk, plucking a rooster, and licking a spark plug.


The song's lyrics critique society's expectation of excellence and productiveness. It highlights the pressure to do extraordinary things and the anxiety that comes with comparing oneself to others. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything are content being unremarkable and doing nothing at all.


The song became popular as part of the Veggie Tales series in which the characters sang about Christian values and stories. However, it gained mainstream popularity, reaching No. 13 on Billboard's Hot Christian Songs. The song has become a parody of pirate stereotypes.


Line by Line Meaning

Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt, who together make up the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!
Introducing the group of notorious pirates named as the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything including Larry, Pa Grape, and Mr. Lunt.


We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything prefer to stay at home and do nothing, and they won't do anything even if asked to do so.


We don't do anything!
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything explicitly states that they don't do anything at all.


Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver, and I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul, and I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa, and I've never been to Boston in the fall.
Pa Grape clarifies that he has never visited Greenland, Denver, St. Louis, St. Paul, Moscow, Tampa, or Boston in the fall, and he has never buried any treasure there.


'cause we're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ..
Reiterating that the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything don't do anything and prefer to stay at home, implying they won't do anything if asked.


We don't do anything. And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck, and I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all, and I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot, and I've never been to Boston in the fall.
Mr. Lunt adds on that he has never performed any pirate duties such as hoisting mainstay or swabbing the deck. He also reveals that he has never been on a ship, has never walked the gangplank, never owned a parrot, and never visited Boston in the fall.


Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about pirate-why things!
Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape realize that they should talk about pirate-related things and not random things.


And I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong, and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!
Larry chimes in with his claims that he has never engaged in activities such as plucking a rooster, playing ping-pong, throwing mashed potatoes at the wall, kissing a chipmunk, or getting head lice. And he keeps repeating that he has never been to Boston in the fall.


Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate??
Pa Grape questions Larry's irrelevant claims about plucking a rooster and throwing mashed potatoes against the wall in relation to being a pirate.


I think you look like Cap'n Crunch!
Mr. Lunt jokingly says that Pa Grape resembles Cap'n Crunch.


Do too.
Mr. Lunt responds to Pa Grape's denial by insisting that he does look like Cap'n Crunch.


That's it, you're walkin' the plank!
Pa Grape, fed up with Mr. Lunt's teasing, orders him to walk the plank.


Says who?
Mr. Lunt questions Pa Grape's authority to order him to walk the plank.


Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Cap'n Crunch!
Mr. Lunt sarcastically agrees to walk the plank while still teasing Pa Grape.


You just don't get it!
Pa Grape tells Larry that he doesn't understand the concept of singing about pirate-related things.


And we've never been to Boston in the fall!
All the pirates emphasize that they have never visited Boston in the fall, tying together the key theme of the song.




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