Valerie
Richard (& Linda) Thompson Lyrics

Oh, Valerie, you give me heart attack
Valerie, you make my heart race and I feel breathless because of you.

Oh, Valerie, you put me on the rack
Valerie, you make me feel tortured and distressed because of what you say and do.

Oh, you say that I'm history, you say I'm no good
You criticize and insult me saying that I'm worthless and have no place for you.

Then you want to be two babes in the wood
But then you still want us to be together, despite what you say, like we're lost and innocent.

That's what I call playing to the gallery
You're pretending and acting for others to see, making it seem like our relationship is fine but it's not.

Well, I'm a-wait, wait, waiting for Valerie
Despite all these issues, I still wait patiently for you.

Hey, Valerie, she got a scar down here
Valerie has a physical scar on her body.

Valerie, she got gold in her ear
Valerie wears gold earrings.

A figure like this, lips like that
Valerie has an attractive shape and lips.

Red fingernails, teeth like a cat
Valerie's nails are painted red and her teeth resemble those of a cat.

She never gets home till five or four or three
Valerie comes home really late in the day, almost always past midnight.

Well, I'm a-wait, wait, waiting for Valerie
I'm still waiting for Valerie's return, even though she comes home really late.

Well, I'm soft in the head, I give her hard cash
I'm not smart when it comes to money, and I give Valerie large amounts of currency.

She spends all my money on junk and trash, nylon fur, plastic shoes
Valerie uses all my money on buying things that are worthless and cheap, like faux fur and shoes made of plastic.

And fifty-seven things she's never going to use
Valerie amassed so many items that she'll never use, and it's costing me.

Never, never, never going to use
It's guaranteed that whatever she buys will never see practical use.

Oh, Valerie, oh, Valerie, oh, Valerie
I still can't contain my affection and desire for Valerie, even though she acts foolish and careless.

Well, Valerie, you're going to choke or drown
Valerie's excessive eating habits can harm her badly, and she might even die because of it.

Valerie, why don't you put that down?
I'm pleading for Valerie to stop eating so much and to take care of herself.

If you don't get over this eating jag
If Valerie doesn't improve her eating habits,

They're going to take you home in a body bag
she's at risk of death or serious medical problems as a result.

I can't stand to see one more calorie
I'm so worried about Valerie's health that even a single calorie scares me.

Well, I'm a-wait, wait, waiting for Valerie
I'm still waiting for Valerie despite our problems and my fears.

Now every time I turn my back
Whenever I'm not looking,

She's 'round the corner, looking for a crack
Valerie is out looking for something she shouldn't be, like a drug addict looking for a fix.

It's going to be the ruin of me
Valerie's bad behavior and addiction may end up destroying me.

Well, I'm running on nervous energy
My nerves are strained because of Valerie's unpredictable behavior and habits.

Valerie, she want to move out of town
Valerie wants to leave town for some reason,

Valerie, she want the money down
and she wants me to give her money so she can leave faster.

She want leopard-skin this, tiger-skin that
Valerie is particular about the design and look of the things she wants.

Matching luggage, lipstick, hat
Valerie wants things to match, including luggage, and accessories like lipstick and hats.

I can't afford her on my salary
I can't keep up with supporting Valerie's expensive desires on my income.

Still I'm a-wait, wait, waiting for Valerie
Despite all her insatiable and impractical wishes, I'm still waiting for her to come back to me.

I'm a-wait, wait, waiting for Valerie
Once again, I express my willingness to wait for Valerie despite everything.

Valerie, oh, Valerie, well
In summary, Valerie is the only woman that Richard Thompson can focus on, despite all her faults and how much trouble she causes him.