Nostalgia
Rittz Lyrics

First time I ever set eyes on you it was love at first sight
When I first saw you, I felt an instant connection and love for you.

You was so young, your mom told me that she got a son, and you were the love of her life
You were just a child, but your mom already loved you more than anything.

As time went on, me and you bonded
As we spent more time together, we formed a strong bond.

I fathered you, I was so proud to be a dad
I took on the role of your father and felt immense pride in being a dad to you.

We were so broke, I promised you that one day I would get rid of the problems we had
We were financially struggling, but I made a promise to myself and to you that I would overcome our difficulties.

I hope you accept my apology
I sincerely apologize for the past fights and drunken nights you witnessed.

All the fights and the drunk nights that you saw in the past
I regret that you had to witness the arguments and my intoxicated behavior in the past.

You never chose sides, we were so sad
Despite the conflicts, you remained neutral and brought us comfort amidst our sadness.

But when it came to happiness you're all we really had, you're an angel
In times of joy, you were our sole source of happiness. You were truly a blessing to us.

So happy-go-lucky, such a good soul, words can't express
You had a carefree and joyful nature, and no words can truly capture the essence of your goodness.

You had a gift of making people fall in love with you
Your charismatic personality had a way of making people instantly fall in love with you.

You affected every single person you met
Your presence left a lasting impact on everyone you encountered.

And we ain't have much, we spoiled you to death
Despite our limited resources, we showered you with love and material possessions.

Anything you wanted you can have, I still laugh
We always ensured that your desires were fulfilled, and looking back, it brings me joy.

Think about the holiday when you snuck
I reminisce about the time during a holiday when you secretly indulged in a whole cheesecake.

And ate a whole cheesecake we ain't even get mad that's your favorite
Even though you devoured the entire cheesecake, we couldn't be angry because it was your favorite.

We was so stressed out, we were about to lose the house that we stayed in
We were under immense financial strain, on the verge of losing the place we called home.

I was trying to be a rapper, we could've moved in my parents basement but couldn't bring you
I aspired to become a rapper, and we could have relocated to my parents' basement, but it was not suitable for you.

Really you're the one that made me quit trying to rap
Your presence in my life compelled me to give up my aspirations of being a rapper.

So I went and got a job so that we could get a house, I'd do anything for you
To provide us with a stable home, I made the decision to find employment, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

You, me, and your mom moved with your grandma
The three of us, you, me, and your mom, relocated to live with your grandmother.

It was us three stuck in a little room
We found ourselves cramped in a small room, but we made the best of it.

Finally had a place to play outside, I would love to see you run, like a dream coming true
When we finally had a home with space to play outside, witnessing you run and explore felt like a dream realized.

I was riding in my car to some tracks one day, played this beat, started thinking of you and now I'm
One day, while driving and listening to music, a beat played that sparked thoughts of you, and it led me to the present moment.

Wishing I was near you
I deeply long to be close to you, to have you beside me once again.

It's quiet here without ya
In your absence, the silence feels deafening.

And I've been thinking about ya
My mind is consumed with thoughts of you.

Feeling of nostalgia
I am overwhelmed with a bittersweet longing and reminiscence.

I hated my job, I loved coming home
I despised my job, but I cherished the moments when I could return home to you.

I would lay in bed with you for hours on end
We would spend countless hours lying in bed together, enjoying each other's company.

Me and your mom were obsessed with you
Both your mom and I were completely captivated and devoted to you.

Cause you were momma's baby boy, and daddy's best friend
You held a special place in our hearts, as the cherished son of your mom and the best friend of your dad.

But daddy ain't been, home a lot lately
Recently, I haven't been home as frequently as I used to be.

To play with, I tried to set you down and explain
In an attempt to communicate, I would sit you down and explain the reasons for my absence.

That I got a new job, that I wanted all my life, and that everything might possibly change
I had secured a new job, one that I had always desired, and I knew it could potentially bring about significant changes in our lives.

That I'ma have to go out of town for some months but when I'm home, I'ma be around every day
I had to travel out of town for several months due to work, but I reassured you that when I returned, I would be present every day.

And when I'm gone I'ma need you to look out for your mom, keep her company while daddy's away
During my absence, I entrusted you with the responsibility of taking care of your mom and providing her with companionship.

Your momma sends pics of you and her in bed
While I was away, your mom would send me pictures of the two of you together in bed.

I would feel bad thinking that you thought I left
Sometimes, I would feel guilty, fearing that you might believe I had abandoned you.

But I was saving bread so we could finally have our own place
Unbeknownst to you, I was working hard and saving money to provide us with a place that we could call our own.

Live a life that we should've always had
My aspiration was for us to have the life we always deserved.

And I did that
I accomplished that goal.

Now you're spoiled even more cause instead of being cramped now you got your own room
With our new home, you now have your own space, and as a result, you get even more spoiled.

Your mom quit her job, and you and her could chill every day
Your mom made the decision to quit her job so that she could spend every day with you, enjoying quality time together.

For the most part, I'd be home too
Most of the time, I would be present at home as well.

And life is looking bright, used to see it so blue
The future appears promising and filled with hope, contrasting with the challenging times we experienced before.

We finally were content, had a daily routine
We reached a point where we were satisfied with our lives and established a comfortable daily routine.

I made a bunch of songs with your name in them
As an expression of my love for you, I created numerous songs that featured your name.

I would come into your room, hugging you and I would sing
I would enter your room, embracing you tightly, and sing to you.

You were always treated like a king
We always showered you with love and treated you as if you were royalty.

Cause you were everything that mattered to us and I would hate to see your cute face crying
You were our world, the most important thing in our lives, and it pained us to see you sad.

Cause you knew that I was leaving for a tour
You were aware that I had to go on tour and leave temporarily.

Always hated when I go and grab that red suitcase out the closet
You always disliked it when I took out the red suitcase from the closet, as it signaled my departure.

You'd look at me and say you promise, you stayed by your mom when I'm gone
With a hopeful expression, you would say that I promised to return, and you would stay by your mom's side in my absence.

I'll be back in a couple of months, give me kisses I'll be missing you a ton
I assured you that I would be back in a few months, so you gave me kisses, knowing how much I would miss you.

Homesick every time I'm
I experience deep longing for home every time

You grew up so fast, but you always had a baby face so it's hard for me to tell
You matured quickly, but since you always had a youthful appearance, it's difficult for me to accept.

You were sick on and off
You experienced periods of illness followed by temporary recovery.

We were just rough-housing on the bed, good to see you getting well
As we playfully wrestled on the bed, it was heartening to witness your improved health.

I had to go to Omaha for a show, but your mom called me up and told me that you slipped and fell
I had a performance in Omaha, but your mom informed me that you had an accident and injured yourself.

But you were limping, we figured that you twisted something and had to give it time to tell
You had a noticeable limp, and we assumed it was a minor injury that required time to heal and reveal further details.

I got home and you were breathing funny and your hip was big as hell
Upon returning home, it alarmed me to see you struggling to breathe and your hip severely swollen.

Your momma said that she began to see it swell
Your mom noticed the swelling in your hip earlier than I did.

This morning, this isn't normal, we took him to the doctor
Realizing that your condition was abnormal, we immediately took you to see a doctor.

We thought he might of broke his hip bone and it would heal
Initially, we suspected that you might have fractured your hip and that it would eventually heal.

It's crazy how life change in an instant
It's astonishing how life can dramatically shift in a matter of moments.

The doctor walked in with his x-rays
The doctor entered the room, carrying the x-rays.

Said he thought he broke his hip, but he didn't
The doctor initially believed that you had fractured your hip, but upon further examination, it was not the case.

He got bad news and there ain't no way to fix it, what is it?
The doctor delivered devastating news and informed us that there was no solution or cure. We anxiously awaited his diagnosis.

He said the x-rays showed bone cancer was spreading through his legs in a crazy position
The x-rays revealed that you had bone cancer, which had spread extensively throughout your legs in an unusual manner.

The amputation, the chemo, wasn't a option
Amputation and chemotherapy were not viable options for treatment.

He probably ain't gon make it to Christmas, I blacked out
The doctor predicted that you likely wouldn't survive until Christmas, and this revelation overwhelmed me so much that I blacked out.

Cause Christmas is like three weeks away
The timing of the doctor's prognosis weighed heavily on me, considering that Christmas was merely three weeks away.

When I left he was okay, now your telling me he's gonna die?
When I left, you seemed fine, so hearing that your condition had deteriorated to the point of being life-threatening was shocking.

He said he's strong so he's gonna fight
The doctor reassured us that you possessed strength and determination to fight the illness.

Eventually you're gonna have to put him down whenever y'all decide
Ultimately, we would have to make the difficult decision to euthanize you, choosing the right time for it.

Please God, not a dog, we're in shock, not our son, he's the only thing we got, we was done
We pleaded with God, hoping that it wasn't our dog who was seriously ill, still in a state of shock realizing it was our beloved son. You meant everything to us, and we felt helpless.

It'd be different if we knew that he was suffering for months, but he's limping
The situation would be easier to accept if we had been aware of your prolonged suffering, but it was abrupt and unexpected despite your limping.

How the fuck is it that nothing can be done?
We were overwhelmed with frustration and disbelief that there were no viable treatment options available.

Tried to comfort him as much as we could
We made every effort to provide you with comfort and support.

Drug his mattress - down the stairs to the center of the living room
To ensure your comfort, we carefully moved your mattress and positioned it in the center of the living room.

Me and his mom laid with him every night
Every night, your mom and I would lie down with you, providing physical and emotional closeness.

Petting him while he was crying, you could tell the pain was getting to him
As we gently stroked you while you cried, it was evident that the pain was intensifying for you.

And me and her in disbelief, all we did was cry, all we did was scream
Both of us were in a state of disbelief, and all we could do was cry and scream in anguish.

Struggling to try, we'd take him outside, but he could barely walk
Desperate to provide some relief, we would take you outside, even though your ability to walk was severely compromised.

And every day it seems, it's spreading even more
Each passing day, the cancer seemed to spread further throughout your body.

The medicine we fed him isn't doing anything and we just can't accept it that our boy
Despite administering medication, there was no improvement, and we struggled to come to terms with the reality that our dear boy

The most important thing is dying right in front of us
The most significant and cherished part of our lives was fading away right before our eyes.

Like how much do we let him suffer til we go and make the choice
We agonized over how much longer we should let you endure the pain before we made the difficult decision.

We were laying on the floor almost twenty days
For nearly twenty days, we stayed on the floor alongside you.

He ain't eating anymore, he can't move his legs
You had lost your appetite and were incapable of moving your legs.

It's December 21st, I think it's time for us to let him go so we can send him to a better place
On December 21st, we realized that it was finally time to release you, allowing you to move on to a more peaceful and loving place.

It's been several weeks, me and your mom still grieving feeling like we in denial
Even after several weeks have passed, your mom and I are still grieving and struggling to come to terms with the reality, feeling as though we're trapped in denial.

I go in your bedroom every day, smell the air
Every day, I enter your bedroom and inhale the air, reminiscing about your presence.

Start to cry for a while, then I smile thinking bout ya
Tears flow down my cheeks for some time, but then I smile as I think about you and the memories we shared.