Butterfly
S.A.V Lyrics

I been pressed to the point of manic thinking violent
I have been pushed so far that I am having violent thoughts and behaviors.

Self inflicting the pain, the drink would keep me silent
I hurt myself to cope with the pain and used alcohol to numb the pain.

I just think I had too much on my plate
I feel overwhelmed with everything that is happening in my life.

This state of psyche promise nothing, but to catch me a case
My current mental state could lead to me getting into trouble with the law.

Yeah

I was spitting 16's in 2016 waiting for the big screen moments sounded extreme
I was writing and performing rap music in hopes of becoming famous, which seemed unlikely.

But now I'm looking back and finding the difference
Looking back, I can see how much I have grown and changed.

Cause rapping then, intended mostly just to act as the liquor
I used rapping as a distraction from my problems, similar to how alcohol would be a distraction.

Life is full of trials, but ain't living free
Life is difficult, but I don't feel like I am truly living freely.

Most the friends, I called them then, are just acquaintance to me
The people I considered my friends are now just acquaintances to me.

And that's that shit that irk me deep, see, I was led to believe
It bothers me that I was led to believe that success requires sacrificing personal relationships.

You had to sacrifice affection, for a chance to succeed
I believed that success meant sacrificing personal relationships.

Reflecting, maybe I been fake to my peers
Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been inauthentic with my friends.

It just be haunting at night, so I been trynna get cleared
These thoughts are keeping me up at night and I am trying to clear my mind.

All this revelation feeling like a kiss to my tears
Realizing these things feels like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

What if all the shit I missed a reminisce of my fears and I feel it
I worry that the things I missed out on are a direct result of my fears.

I will fly away
I want to break free from my current situation.

Can not be a prisoner, trapped in this world
I refuse to let the circumstances of the world hold me back.

I ain't trynna live a life of confessing
I do not want to live a life confessing to my mistakes.

The essence of life, just move without the act regretting
I want to live life without regretting my actions.

I notice less is a blessing when I be stepping in trenches
I have come to realize that having less is actually a blessing, especially when I am facing difficult situations.

Cause I'm content, obsessing, knowing I'm gon' master this lesson
I am content with obsessing over mastering this lesson.

I do repent although, I'm human, it's nature
I am sorry for my mistakes, but I also recognize that being flawed is human nature.

Cause I would pray to my maker to try and fix my relations
I used to pray to God to fix my broken relationships.

With all the anger I faced it
Despite facing a lot of anger, I still tried to make things work.

So now we strangers, I hate it
Unfortunately, we are now strangers and I hate that we couldn't make things work.

But that's results of petty acting so I'm chasing elation
The reason things didn't work out is because of petty behavior, so now I am chasing happiness.

Take a piece of my mind
Take this advice from me.

It turned to quickly asking god for all the peace I could find
I quickly turned to God to find peace and comfort.

Cause I was hopeless living broken always soaked in emotion
I felt hopeless and broken, and I was constantly drowning in my emotions.

The notion 'heal within time', I never heard such a lie
I don't believe in the idea that time heals all wounds.

I be writing for serenity thinking
I write to find peace and calm my thoughts.

Cause I be mentally sinking
Because I am struggling with my mental health.

Inside a dream, just to leave it
I feel like I am stuck in a dream, but I want to wake up.

With all the demons, I'm keeping
I am struggling with my inner demons.

Despite the bleakness it's seeping
Despite how hopeless it seems, I am still fighting and pushing through.

From all the ink inside the pen that I be using to leak it
I use my writing as a way to release my emotions and let them out on paper.

I'm busy chasing shit that I need
I am busy chasing things that I believe I need in my life.

So much, I start to acknowledge that I ain't slept in a week
I am so busy and focused on my goals that I haven't slept much.

Distracted by the concept, work until I'm feeling depleted
I am so distracted by work that I am working until I am exhausted and drained.

If I ain't racing the clock, well shit I'm feeling defeated
If I am not constantly racing against time, then I feel like I am not accomplishing anything.

I guess it's for important shit I be blinded
I am blinded by the pursuit of important things in my life.

Cause most the shit I don't mind it until it start to remind me of times
I don't mind the pursuit of these things until they remind me of difficult times in my life.

When I was stuck in my prime, and all the triumphs never solving all the shit that's inside
When I was at my peak, I still couldn't solve the internal struggles I was facing.

I had a lot to give, way more than I thought
I had a lot of potential and talent that I was not fully aware of.

But this was way before I ever sought to make it an art
I didn't realize my talent until I started pursuing it as an art form.

A time I'm never forgetting, it's all distraught, is at fault
This was a difficult time in my life that I will never forget and it was all caused by my own mistakes.

Accustomed, fantasizing I could get whatever I want
I was used to thinking I could get whatever I wanted through my talent and hard work.

This just a signal of lessons
This is a sign that I still have more to learn and grow from.

Don't never settle for lesser
Don't ever settle for something that is below your true abilities.

And always count up your blessings
Always remember to be grateful for what you have in life.

So don't you stray from the message
Don't lose sight of the lessons and messages you have learned.

Cause I done tripped over obstacles as a young adolescent
I have faced many obstacles and made mistakes when I was younger.