Ashes to Ashley
Sadistik Lyrics

For every hole I've punched in the wall
For every instance where I've lashed out physically in response to our struggle and turmoil

Every piece of paper crumbled as we've suffer in the bloodiest fall
For every moment that you and I have faced great struggle and our relationship has faced the possibility of ending

For every pulsating ego blistered into moon ripe nosebleeds
For every time we have both faced our own egos and sense of self-worth and come out of it bruised and beaten

I nurse these festering wounds and drop rose seeds
I tend to my own emotional wounds and try to heal myself, while not losing sight of the beauty that exists in life

but grow an orchid garden
I work hard to cultivate a beautiful life, despite the hardships and pain we have faced together

Now the paint on your portrait hardens with a face that resorts to chagrin
You have become hardened to me and the pain we have caused each other, and I can see the sadness on your face

Scribbled like a suicide note
Just like a note someone writes when they have decided to take their own life, my words are full of pain and sadness

Like I'll stop
I am so consumed by the pain and struggle we are facing, that it feels impossible to ever stop feeling this way

I show the beauty by a profile shot
I try to capture moments of beauty in the midst of our struggle, even if they are fleeting

Freeze, don't fret for the truth
Take a moment to step back and reflect, rather than constantly worrying about what is true or not

Cause I'll pray till I heard footsteps on the roof
I will continue to pray and hope for the best, even in the face of hopelessness and despair

I swear to god I don't believe in angels
I do not believe in anything supernatural or divine that could help us in our struggles

Ask me, atheist, ashly
I am an atheist, and my partner's name is Ashley

Where's the wings in this relationship
Where is the divine intervention or supernatural help that would allow our relationship to be successful

Passions has passed me, cast another spell
My passion for you and for life has faded, and I must find another way to reignite that spark

Mortified, melancholy, Madness to Michelle
Overwhelmed with sadness and despair, similar to the emotion described in American Gothic paintings

Suicide Sarah, alliterate your fate, worship the absence, and demonstrate my faith
Referencing suicide, the line illustrates the feeling that one's own demise is inevitable and that there is no other option

(Face in the mirror on my bathroom door I saw her dance in rain in the summer downpour)
Reflecting on a moment of happiness, where your partner danced in the rain during a summer storm

I saw her dance till the rain put the fire out
Your partner danced joyfully until the rain stopped, symbolizing the end of that moment of happiness

Burned at the stake, Joan of Arc little anxious saint
Referencing Joan of Arc, the line describes the feeling of being misunderstood and persecuted for one's beliefs or actions

I illustrate the gates of hell into my notebook her flesh burns up in the furnace
Describing the depth of pain he feels with the metaphor of depicting someone's flesh burning up in hell

Ashes to Ashley
Referencing the idea that we are all made of ashes in the end, and we must all return to dust

Urns to something earnest
Despite the pain and struggles, we are both vying for something meaningful and honest

I slit my wrist and curse with an ink pen
Using the idea of self-harm to illustrate feeling of hopelessness and despair

Write a revelation, burn a stack of bibles
Challenging conventional wisdom and searching for a deeper truth or meaning to life

question my faith, get my churlish ass to smile
Describing the challenges he faces in grappling with faith and religion, and how it affects his overall demeanor

Find another subtle piece of confidence to muster
Trying to find small ways to build confidence and hope in the face of despair

Her ministry echoes in this monolithic structure
The love and presence of his partner is magnified and encompassing, like a monument or large structure

Cremate the dieing Christmas trees
Symbolizing the end of a season or cycle of life that must be let go of

The winter is full of bitter, ashy, black blizzards
Describing the feeling of winter as cold, dreary, and hopeless

And when the superstition delivered
Referencing the idea of superstition, and how it can provide a sense of hope or belief in something beyond logic or reason

And it came down the chimney they found her in the fire place with me
Describing a morbid and surreal scenario, where his partner's death has brought them together in an almost haunting way

We walked a broken path while the sun was bleak
Describing the difficulty and hardship of their relationship, even in times where the possibility of happiness was present

And we were holding hands on these rusted swings
Despite the difficulties and struggles, they hold onto one another for support and comfort

That I called "us" and my love would sink
Describing the feeling of hopelessness when even love and commitment seem to falter in the face of struggle

underseas that we would drown underneath
Emphasizing the feeling of being trapped and drowned by their struggles

When you would swim deep to catch my lip's speech
Describing the moments where his partner tries to understand and truly hear him

To try to catch drifts to catch what it means
Symbolizing the struggle to find meaning and understanding in a relationship that is full of pain

And you found what would grow between us
Despite the difficulty, the love between them continues to grow

So I thought about you while I wrote The Phoenix
Referencing the idea of rebirth and renewal, the song was written with the idea that something new and beautiful can emerge from the ashes

And now my spine shivers from the notes that you speak
Describing the physical sensation of a shiver going down his spine when he hears her speak

of perfect pitched melodies and emotions you seek
Describing the idea that there is something perfect and beautiful about her voice and the emotions she expresses

That I'm composing in dreams, so you see that I love you
Emphasizing the depth of his love for her, and how it permeates even his subconscious mind

And I'll hold your broken dreams till I'm bleeding in puddles
Describing the idea of holding onto another person's pain and struggle, and how it can be so intense and painful that it feels like bleeding out

She breaks bones, engraves poems in gravestones (Text!)
Describing the ferocity and intensity of his partner

Paints quotes of pathos when pain grows (Next!)
Using artistic expression to work through pain and struggle

Rain flows became hopes of rainbows (When!)
Using the metaphor of rainbows after rain, representing hope and love after difficulty

Angels with halos and saints spoke (Blessed!)
Referencing the idea of divine intervention, and how it can feel like a blessing during difficult times

Death to this world now we've given enough
Feeling as though they have given all of themselves, and are ready for the end

I wanna hide you from the company that misery loves
Describing the desire to protect his partner from the pain and negativity so pervasive in the world

And so I draw blood with few strokes and our love it drew close
Describing the physical and emotional intensity of their love, representing pain and passion

so you can draw attention with the pen that you hold
Encouraging his partner to express herself through artistic means

Reveal your energy; and we'll just get to keep
Seeking to harness the energy and passion she has within her to create a better future

The radio-active I can feel your chemistry
Describing the intense energy and passion between them

When we gaze at sea waves and freebase off replays
Describing a moment of beauty and connection, where they can escape from pain and struggle

that re-late to cliches to see fate will be grace
Searching for something meaningful and hopeful amidst the cliches and difficulties of life

I find peace in our dance on ice sheets
Finding a sense of peace and calm in the midst of the chaotic world

To bathe your silhouette in the tears the skies weep
Emphasizing the beauty and fragility of his partner, and the idea of rain falling around them as they embrace

We'll burn bridges to find warmth from life's storms
Using the metaphor of burning bridges to move forward and find warmth and comfort in life

And cross roads at the point where lives meet
Celebrating the idea of meeting at crossroads, which can represent both new beginnings and endings

I'll show you memories I hate to reveal
Sharing painful memories and experiences with a deep sense of vulnerability

If you could feel what I say Then I could say what I feel
Expressing the difficulty of articulating emotions and feelings, but also the importance of truly being seen and understood

And I finally learned what it takes to confess
Learning the importance of honesty and openness in relationships

I'll take you to place filled with grace and sunsets
Describing a beautiful and peaceful destination he would take his partner to, emphasizing the idea of hope and beauty