Noted for his intense flow and sharp wit, Francis has won acclaim both as a freestyle battler and as an unapologetic, intellectual lyricist. Francis uses a broad emotional palette to address a wide range of personal, cultural, and political issues. His unconventional style and persona have given him crossover appeal, but at the same time alienated some hip-hop listeners.
Prior to embarking on a full-time career as an MC, Francis displayed his skills in slam poetry. During the late 1990s, he recorded his first demo tape (1996), fronted the now defunct Providence hip-hop band Art Official Intelligence, and hosted a weekly slot on independent radio station WRIU (the "True School Session"). He also formed the Non-Prophets and released a 12” (Drop Bass/Bounce/I Keep Calling, Emerge Records, 1999), following up in 2003 with their first full-length offering, Hope. Francis is a contemporary of underground hip-hop artists such as Slug, Eyedea, Sole and the anticon. collective. He is also loosely affiliated with the vague underground hip-hop super-group The Orphanage.
As a solo performer, Francis won the MC battle at the 2000 Scribble Jam, and in 2001 he came close to repeating as champion (semi-finalist) while performing as his "metal" alter ego, "Xaul Zan". Francis released his first proper solo album, Personal Journals, on Anticon. in 2002. He toured with a live band on the Live Band Dead Poet Tour to support it. Francis subsequently became the first hip-hop artist to sign with Punk label Epitaph, agreeing to a three-album deal. His first album for Epitaph, A Healthy Distrust, was released in early 2005 and was followed up with Human the Death Dance in 2007.
One of Francis' best-known tracks is "Makeshift Patriot", a commentary on the American media recorded one month after the September 11, 2001 attacks which he released on the internet as an MP3 as well as a limited edition 7" single.
In February 2005 Sage dropped his second full length album on the originally punk label Epitaph, it was widely regarded as the best underground hip hop album of the year by critics and fans alike and featured heavily political tracks such as "The Buzz Kill" and "Slow Down Gandhi" and more personal material like that more similar to that of his debut 'Personal Journals' such as 'Bridle' and a few heavily satirical comments on the modern day rap and urban scene such as the satirical comment on youth gun culture 'Gunz Yo'.
Sage has helped to set up the Wiki KnowMore.org which is described as a 'way to keep tabs on the some of the biggest and most dangerous businesses in the world'. He is a vegetarian and also chooses to abstain from drugs and drinking, though doesn't label himself as "straight-edge" because he believes "you shouldn't define yourself by what you don't do."
Sage has set up his own label and signed some of who he claims to be his favorite artists of the moment such as Buck 65 and Proplyphic and Reanimator named Strange Famous (which shares his initials) with which he released his most recent work 'Human the Death Dance'
This album was released in May 2007 and takes a step away from the heavily political 'Healthy Distrust' and heads back to the more personal lyrics of 'Personal Journals' and comments on modern culture. The album features cameos from many Strange Famous artists such as Buddy Wakefield, Buck 65 and Reanimator.
In 2010 Sage released his fourth full length album Li(f)e (the title coming from the famous quote from 'The Cure' on the Non-Prophets album Hope "Life is just a lie with an f in it and death is definite"). The album was extremely well received and one particular single off of the album 'The Best Of Times' received extensive air play on the popular British radio station Radio 1. After Sages Li(f)e tour Sage has stated that he will no longer be doing tours but will still be releasing albums and other materials, instead he will be doing select gigs throughout each year.
On 3 June 2014, Sage released his fifth studio album 'Copper Gone'. It is the first official studio album after Sage Francis announced his hiatus, which lasted for four years.
Make Em Purr
Sage Francis Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
When I was younger and it wasn't clear if I was or wasn't joking
But so much is broken, just like fuck it, the fix is in
If i can't hide in plain sight anymore I'll just stay hidden
It's been a minute since I left this domicile
No need to change my outfit, I rock it like it's going out of style
It's not in style? Ain't no one here to tell me otherwise
It gets more difficult to stay inside during the summertime
Avoid personal interaction and human touch, shut the blinds
It's been a while since I left this bachelor pad
I need to go to the market soon cause the food is going bad
The food is bad. I found it's difficult to just cook for one
With healthy recipes, well, depending on what book they're from
If you want to eat healthy you gotta dirty some dishes
The frozen dinners quickly ready to serve and it's so delicious
It's not delicious, it's disgusting, but it satiates the hunger with a quickness
And hey, at least it's something, at least it's something
At most it's nothing, fuck's wrong with me? I don't know, I'm just adjusting
It's been a month since I left this cabin
The doctor was worried about a fever and other difficulties I've been having
She called me on Christmas, that was my gift
She was worried I might die, I said "I might die? No shit"
It's been forever since I said something that I can't wiggle free from
If there's anything I cherish in this self-inflicted prison, it's freedom
Comes at a cost so I'm private to a fault til I default
On the loan for home, it's actually more like a vault
No one knows the combo but little old me
The head honcho, the holder of the key
Alone, but never lonely
It's been a millennia since I left this dominion
Been in the company of any women
At least I got my kittens
Spent more cash on my cat than I did myself
When he stopped eating, I took him to the vet so they could check his health
They put a feeding tube into his neck
I said "Please let this work cause if it doesn't I got nothing left"
I didn't say that, but they saw that. Cat had my tongue
I didn't speak at all, they told me to call back
What, it wasn't weird I did nothing but stand right there?
With a "fix this, money's no object" type stare
It's been a year since I stepped into anyone else's private quarters
I've been busy self-diagnosing disorders
First world problems, yeah, USA, number one
Top of the world, I'm in a tux and cummerbund
Welcome everyone to the party of the century
It's sure to be one for the books, no doubt, medical ones especially
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's, I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's, I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
And I'mma make 'em purr, but, but I'mma make 'em purr
I'mma make 'em purr
In the song "Make Em Purr" by Sage Francis, the artist describes a life of isolation and self-diagnosis. The lyrics suggest that the singer has a fear of personal interaction and human touch, preferring to stay hidden and avoid any chance of vulnerability. The opening lyrics highlight the singer's struggles with vulnerability and openness, particularly as they have aged. The artist suggests that they have become more closed off as they have grown older, using the metaphor of being hidden to describe their reluctance to engage with the world.
Later in the song, the artist describes a life of loneliness and isolation, where they prefer the company of their cats to that of other people. The artist suggests that they have not been in the company of any women for an extended period of time and that they have instead chosen to focus on self-diagnosing their own problems. Throughout the song, there is a sense of frustration and sadness, as the artist struggles to come to terms with their isolated existence.
Overall, "Make Em Purr" is a poignant commentary on loneliness, self-isolation, and the struggle to form meaningful connections with others. The song highlights the importance of being vulnerable and open to human connection, as well as the dangers of retreating from the world.
Line by Line Meaning
I was a lot more comfortable being vulnerable and open
When I was younger and it wasn't clear if I was or wasn't joking
I used to feel more comfortable expressing myself when it wasn't clear whether I was serious or not.
But so much is broken, just like fuck it, the fix is in
If i can't hide in plain sight anymore I'll just stay hidden
I feel like so much is wrong that it's easier to stay hidden than try to fix it.
It's been a minute since I left this domicile
No need to change my outfit, I rock it like it's going out of style
It's been a while since I left my house, but I don't bother changing clothes because I don't care about fashion.
It's not in style? Ain't no one here to tell me otherwise
It gets more difficult to stay inside during the summertime
Since there's no one around to judge my outfit, it's harder to stay inside during the summer.
But most of the time it's just like any other time
Avoid personal interaction and human touch, shut the blinds
Most of the time, I just avoid people and touch by closing my blinds.
It's been a while since I left this bachelor pad
I need to go to the market soon cause the food is going bad
It's been a long time since I left my single man's apartment, but I need to go to the store because my food is going bad.
The food is bad. I found it's difficult to just cook for one
With healthy recipes, well, depending on what book they're from
The food is bad, and it's hard to cook for just me. Healthy recipes can be confusing depending on which book they're from.
If you want to eat healthy you gotta dirty some dishes
The frozen dinners quickly ready to serve and it's so delicious
Eating healthy means dirtying dishes, but frozen dinners are quick and tasty.
It's not delicious, it's disgusting, but it satiates the hunger with a quickness
And hey, at least it's something, at least it's something
The frozen dinners may be gross, but they fill me up quickly and it's better than nothing.
At most it's nothing, fuck's wrong with me? I don't know, I'm just adjusting
It's been a month since I left this cabin
Sometimes it feels like I have nothing, and I don't really know what's wrong with me. It's been a month since I left my cabin.
The doctor was worried about a fever and other difficulties I've been having
She called me on Christmas, that was my gift
She was worried I might die, I said "I might die? No shit"
My doctor was concerned about my health and called me on Christmas. Although it was a strange gift, I wasn't surprised that she was worried about me.
It's been forever since I said something that I can't wiggle free from
If there's anything I cherish in this self-inflicted prison, it's freedom
I haven't said anything that could get me into trouble in a long time, and although I'm trapped in my own problems, I still value my freedom.
Comes at a cost so I'm private to a fault til I default
On the loan for home, it's actually more like a vault
I'm so private that it's a fault, and even my home feels like more of a vault since it comes with a cost I could default on.
No one knows the combo but little old me
The head honcho, the holder of the key
Alone, but never lonely
I'm the only one who knows the combination to my vault, making me feel like the head honcho. Though I'm alone, I'm never lonely because of my independence.
It's been a millennia since I left this dominion
Been in the company of any women
At least I got my kittens
It feels like forever since I've been around women. At least I have my kittens.
Spent more cash on my cat than I did myself
When he stopped eating, I took him to the vet so they could check his health
I spend more money on my cat than myself. When he stopped eating, I immediately took him to the vet.
They put a feeding tube into his neck
I said "Please let this work cause if it doesn't I got nothing left"
The vet put a feeding tube in my cat's neck, and I was hoping it would work since my cat is my everything.
I didn't say that, but they saw that. Cat had my tongue
I didn't speak at all, they told me to call back
I didn't say what I was thinking, but the vet could tell I was worried. I was so upset I couldn't even speak, and they asked me to call them back.
What, it wasn't weird I did nothing but stand right there?
With a "fix this, money's no object" type stare
I'm surprised the vet didn't find it strange when I just stood there with a 'fix this, money's no object' expression on my face.
It's been a year since I stepped into anyone else's private quarters
I've been busy self-diagnosing disorders
It's been a long time since I've been to anyone else's house, and I spend most of my time diagnosing myself with disorders.
First world problems, yeah, USA, number one
Top of the world, I'm in a tux and cummerbund
I know my problems are trivial compared to others, and even though I'm at the top of the American hierarchy, I still feel unsatisfied.
Welcome everyone to the party of the century
It's sure to be one for the books, no doubt, medical ones especially
I'm inviting everyone to my party, the biggest event of the year. It's going to be unforgettable, especially for medical journals.
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's, I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's, I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
My 20's were a brawl, my 30's were a blur
My 40's I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
And I'mma make 'em purr, but, but I'mma make 'em purr
I'mma make 'em purr
My twenties were full of chaos, my thirties passed in a flash, and I'm not sure what my forties hold, but I'm going to make them exciting. I'm going to make them purr, I'm going to make them purr, I'm going to make them purr.
Lyrics © Wixen Music Publishing
Written by: SAGE FRANCIS, RICHARD TERFRY
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
El Horrendo
I didn't 👍 your old, wise feline friend's death. I 👍 what you shared.
My father... So much like me inherited/saved a troubled, but very cool chihuahua. He was young enough for us to rename him Chico. A new life.
Chico saved my dad as my dad saved him. They go everywhere together. Anyone knows my dad, they K ow and love Chico. My dad's getting on? Man, at his oldest I keep thinking early 60s. But I'm only 19-20 years younger than him. I'm 45.
I have no domesticated buddies. I have the youth I sacrificed on love. Not my youth, persé. My own selfishness for the women I loved and still do.
I did the right thing, because of love. if I was selfish I would have had what I wanted, especially the shared dream between me andy ex fiance. She had a family who needed help. A little sister who couldn't afford school. I went without for them to be ok. My fiance sacrificed ten years of her life for me and inevitably found someone else. No green card in our country. It costs a fortune to prove you are marrying the love of your life because she is. Our xenophobic government talks about "genuine assylum seekers waiting in line vs cue jumpers on boats, like it makes a difference".
I could have married. We planned to. But having a wife who the government refused to "allow" me to have move to my country would have been too painful, so I tried to go through the proper Chanel's while making a life for my beautiful international family.
Last visit (was meant to be one to provide as much evidence that our love was real as my fascist government required and) for my parents to meet my fiance's family (they met her, loved her on her visits here) was also the visit I discovered (she didn't tell me) that she had found someone else. We only promised one another one thing each. She asked me, "please don't change your mind". I never did. Never changed my heart either.
I asked her, "if you meet someone and he is giving you money - I was living on very little to provide for safe living and education and to supplement my fiance's hard work at a café - please let me know. And if you find someone else, please tell me". She didn't. And on that visit, I was made to look the bad guy, because I knew everything without anyone telling me. I just knew. The hints weren't so subtle. Suddenly my fiance` claiming she needed to to travel to China for better work... Turns out her new Russian husband works for a Chinese company. She told me that later.
After a family holiday in which my fiance wouldn't even share a bed withe or give me a kiss any more after paying for nice hotel rooms for us to enjoy our time together, in which I spent my time alone... She was being faithful to her new man. The same man who didn't even spring for my sister-in law's education, as I had.
He was selfish and got what he wanted. I was not. And I did not get what I wanted for myself. I got what I wanted for that beloved family of mine. Safety, repairs on their dangerous home, education.
I've Always done that. Doing the right thing. Hey, that amazing woman gave me ten years from the time we first fell in love. She had suffered enough. Worst thing (besides her not keeping half of her promise - being the woman she was, she stopped taking money from me when she was being supplemented by her new husband - but she didn't tell me the most important thing. I wasn't her fiance any more.
I don't regret it at all. I am not bitter about her. I think lowly of the Russian who didn't pay for his sister-in law's education... This guy was making more money than me.
I still payed for her. She deserved an education and she LOVED going to school. My little sister would get upset if she could not attend school.
I could have given just enough that would allow me to take everything I wanted. But I, iny heart just could not. I spread myself too thin.
I'm working class. The working class. We're kept in our box. If we overreach, we end up like me... In this video... But with no domesticated animal for comfort. My mum's white German Shepherd, who I had taken to walking daily and caring for when my parents were away. She died on the weekend, a Sunday whiley folks were away. She was off her food for a day or so, then Sunday night, she couldn't walk up the stairs to the little room out the back where I "live". I had to carry her. She was getting on. 12 years old. Going for walks was everything to her. We had to buy wrist supports for her to go for walks and ease the pain in her weakening joints. But I always walked her. She would get so depressed without walks. She would obsessively dig holes in a sandy patch of the yard without walks.
That night I carried her up. Put her on her big pillow-bed (the same one my ex-fiancé once joked about being jealous of, because she grew up sleeping on the floor... And still did in the one room apartment she shared with two aunties. I paid for her shares and other stuff, because what she earned at work was literally criminal, but not criminal in that country. It was sad but true that a dog in my country lives in greater comfort than a person in her home country) and I placed water by our dog (my mum had named whisper. Characteristic of my mum and her K9 Companion. Both very gentle and quiet creatures) I woke early the next morning and Whisper had died during the night.
I whept. I thought there should have been more I could have sones for her. I thought I should have been awake and not let myself fall asleep. She needed me and I wasn't there for her. Tooke a long time to talk about without breaking up. She was my bud.
I know from my own experience as an animal. I Know from watching the cats we've had in our lives... When an animal is old and/or sick, they always sneak off to somewhere dark and quiet to be alone.
I know what most human animals are unwilling to accept. The truth. We are born alone. We die alone.
I can be surrounded by people and still LIVE alone.
Now, back to save Francis.
Working class or working poor. We don't get the luxury of a midlife crisis and a stupid, ugly, red sports car.
We get to accept that we did what was good. Not "nice" f**K nice. "Nice guys finish last". They deserve to. Good guys get the waman, they even get the family. I been through all that in different scenarios.
I'm not nice, I am a good man.
I have at this time, literally no personal possessions apart from a few clothes.
El Horrendo
I gave a lot. Even recently to the family of a woman who I fell in love with. And she was damaged by a history of abuse. Her ex was still around... He was donour to four of her five kids. Nastiest piece of work I ever encountered. His kids loved me. He hated that. His ex loved me. He hated that. He hated that I chose non-violence and chose to stand defiantly against him, without fear for my wellbeing. He hated that it showed his kids that he was a sadistic bully. And that I was teaching them about kindness and compassion. Especially in how I treated their mother.
Their mother eventually pushed me away. Even when I was willing to be there and give myself completely. I had no job at the time, thanks to a medical condition. I was up in the mornings to help everyone get to school. I was up into the wee hours after making dinner, cleaning up, helping prepare chest for the next day... The closest thing to my own family I will ever have. My ex, she had her issues. And she was addicted to drama. Lavishing me with praise and love, affection, generosity and compassion 90-99% of the time. But she would turn one after a certain level of alcohol was in her and she would treat me like every man who ever mistreated her. She would be truly horrible to me for hours on end. She truly broke it all up when she put on two bizarre performances, both in front of at least one of her children. The same family who were my friends. Who would worry that their dad would hurt me. That I would always reassure, I'll be ok. And that there was never any reason fore to hide from him.
Suddenly the woman who spent all of her life hiding the abuses of her partners from her children to "protect them" which did the opposite to them, she behaved on two sudden and hurtful occasions as though I was to be feared. Even on the one where she hit me and the stood up and kicked me. Because I asked a question (thinking out loud) about how to train your dragon. We were watching. Suddenly, I wondered, are they Celtic Scotts or are they Vikings? Because of all of the mixed accents. That was it. Not sarcastic. Not mocking. Heck, I love that series. I watch it if it's on TV when I visit my dad. That doubled woman made her life a d the life of her kids so much more complicated the next time she did something similar.
So, the closest thing I had to a family of my own, without any illusions of replacing anyone. Of changing anyone. They were all so great. So special, each of them.
They never had to. And I preferred that they didn't, but they'd openly defend me when their father talked about about me. The youngest, six years old was the fiercest. and a true inspiration to me.
What that family went through, no one ever should. No child should ever become accustomed to it. But they were more immune to the bad energy and generally nasry and violent demeanor of their father than I ever was. I wish they didn't have to be. But they were.
I
I stayed through it all until I was told by their mum after she tried to start another fight in which I refused to engage, planned to leave and give us some space and come back with a change of clothes and hopefully a refreshed perspective for all (she never apologised, I was accustomed to that), but was told not to bother to come back. Leave the keys to her car, which sh couldn't legally drive after losing her license to DUI, and I was driving, doing school drop offs and pickups, grocery shopping, runs to get her ciggies and something to drink (which she kindly shared and which I had been paying her -on top of everything else at my own place, debts bills etc - for... Food, drinks etc) and never come back.
💔
The woman who would not tell her kids the truth about their sociopathic, bully of a father was pushing me away, because I wouldn't be drawn into the madness to which she was so accustomed.
And my new family... I couldn't blame their mum
I had to make sure if they needed anything, because I needed to go home... I couldn't even say a proper goodbye.
And now this Sage Francis track means more to me than ever.
Adam Trudel
I was a lot more comfortable being vulnerable and open
When I was younger and it wasn't clear if I was or wasn't joking
But so much is broken, just like fuck it, the fix is in
If i can't hide in plain sight anymore I'll just stay hidden
It's been a minute since I left this domicile
No need to change my outfit, I rock it like it's going out of style
It's not in style? Ain't no one here to tell me otherwise
It gets more difficult to stay inside during the summertime
But most of the time it's just like any other time
Avoid personal interaction and human touch, shut the blinds
It's been a while since I left this bachelor pad
I need to go to the market soon cause the food is going bad
The food is bad. I found it's difficult to just cook for one
With healthy recipes, well, depending on what book they're from
If you want to eat healthy you gotta dirty some dishes
The frozen dinners quickly ready to serve and it's so delicious
It's not delicious, it's disgusting, but it satiates the hunger with a quickness
And hey, at least it's something, at least it's something
At most it's nothing, fuck's wrong with me? I don't know, I'm just adjusting
It's been a month since I left this cabin
The doctor was worried about a fever and other difficulties I've been having
She called me on Christmas, that was my gift
She was worried I might die, I said "I might die? No shit"
It's been forever since I said something that I can't wiggle free from
If there's anything I cherish in this self-inflicted prison, it's freedom
Comes at a cost so I'm private to a fault til I default
On the loan for home, it's actually more like a vault
No one knows the combo but little old me
The head honcho, the holder of the key
Alone, but never lonely
It's been a millennia since I left this dominion
Been in the company of any women
At least I got my kittens
Spent more cash on my cat than I did myself
When he stopped eating, I took him to the vet so they could check his health
They put a feeding tube into his neck
I said "Please let this work cause if it doesn't I got nothing left"
I didn't say that, but they saw that. Cat had my tongue
I didn't speak at all, they told me to call back
What, it wasn't weird I did nothing but stand right there?
With a "fix this, money's no object" type stare
It's been a year since I stepped into anyone else's private quarters
I've been busy self-diagnosing disorders
First world problems, yeah, USA, number one
Top of the world, I'm in a tux and cummerbund
Welcome everyone to the party of the century
It's sure to be one for the books, no doubt, medical ones especially
My 20's were a roar, my 30's were a blur
My 40's, I'm not so sure, but I'mma make 'em purr
Shazbot Gaming
My 18 year old cat passed yesterday 7-2-22. This song has been on basically repeat since then. It's helping a lot, the song describes my life so closely it's strange, nearly every word. She knew and helped me through my twenties and most my thirties. I got diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 27 and she was my star that was always there. Anytime I was home alone she was my star that made me feel safe and normal after any seizures I might've had. 8 years later I'm finally seizure free and she was there the whole time. I'm finally getting my life back together and she seemed just fine literally 1 week before this post. She died so fast, I knew she was old but wow it happened fast. We're pretty sure a saddle thrombus was the culprit. Basically a blood clot leading towards the rear of her body gets lodged in a specific spot that is common amongst cats but is very rarely curable and takes thousands of dollars to attempt. I'm 37 now and moving forward though. I'll get another cat in a little while.. I don't know when. Everything still hurts but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for this song Sage Francis.
El Horrendo
I didn't 👍 your old, wise feline friend's death. I 👍 what you shared.
My father... So much like me inherited/saved a troubled, but very cool chihuahua. He was young enough for us to rename him Chico. A new life.
Chico saved my dad as my dad saved him. They go everywhere together. Anyone knows my dad, they K ow and love Chico. My dad's getting on? Man, at his oldest I keep thinking early 60s. But I'm only 19-20 years younger than him. I'm 45.
I have no domesticated buddies. I have the youth I sacrificed on love. Not my youth, persé. My own selfishness for the women I loved and still do.
I did the right thing, because of love. if I was selfish I would have had what I wanted, especially the shared dream between me andy ex fiance. She had a family who needed help. A little sister who couldn't afford school. I went without for them to be ok. My fiance sacrificed ten years of her life for me and inevitably found someone else. No green card in our country. It costs a fortune to prove you are marrying the love of your life because she is. Our xenophobic government talks about "genuine assylum seekers waiting in line vs cue jumpers on boats, like it makes a difference".
I could have married. We planned to. But having a wife who the government refused to "allow" me to have move to my country would have been too painful, so I tried to go through the proper Chanel's while making a life for my beautiful international family.
Last visit (was meant to be one to provide as much evidence that our love was real as my fascist government required and) for my parents to meet my fiance's family (they met her, loved her on her visits here) was also the visit I discovered (she didn't tell me) that she had found someone else. We only promised one another one thing each. She asked me, "please don't change your mind". I never did. Never changed my heart either.
I asked her, "if you meet someone and he is giving you money - I was living on very little to provide for safe living and education and to supplement my fiance's hard work at a café - please let me know. And if you find someone else, please tell me". She didn't. And on that visit, I was made to look the bad guy, because I knew everything without anyone telling me. I just knew. The hints weren't so subtle. Suddenly my fiance` claiming she needed to to travel to China for better work... Turns out her new Russian husband works for a Chinese company. She told me that later.
After a family holiday in which my fiance wouldn't even share a bed withe or give me a kiss any more after paying for nice hotel rooms for us to enjoy our time together, in which I spent my time alone... She was being faithful to her new man. The same man who didn't even spring for my sister-in law's education, as I had.
He was selfish and got what he wanted. I was not. And I did not get what I wanted for myself. I got what I wanted for that beloved family of mine. Safety, repairs on their dangerous home, education.
I've Always done that. Doing the right thing. Hey, that amazing woman gave me ten years from the time we first fell in love. She had suffered enough. Worst thing (besides her not keeping half of her promise - being the woman she was, she stopped taking money from me when she was being supplemented by her new husband - but she didn't tell me the most important thing. I wasn't her fiance any more.
I don't regret it at all. I am not bitter about her. I think lowly of the Russian who didn't pay for his sister-in law's education... This guy was making more money than me.
I still payed for her. She deserved an education and she LOVED going to school. My little sister would get upset if she could not attend school.
I could have given just enough that would allow me to take everything I wanted. But I, iny heart just could not. I spread myself too thin.
I'm working class. The working class. We're kept in our box. If we overreach, we end up like me... In this video... But with no domesticated animal for comfort. My mum's white German Shepherd, who I had taken to walking daily and caring for when my parents were away. She died on the weekend, a Sunday whiley folks were away. She was off her food for a day or so, then Sunday night, she couldn't walk up the stairs to the little room out the back where I "live". I had to carry her. She was getting on. 12 years old. Going for walks was everything to her. We had to buy wrist supports for her to go for walks and ease the pain in her weakening joints. But I always walked her. She would get so depressed without walks. She would obsessively dig holes in a sandy patch of the yard without walks.
That night I carried her up. Put her on her big pillow-bed (the same one my ex-fiancé once joked about being jealous of, because she grew up sleeping on the floor... And still did in the one room apartment she shared with two aunties. I paid for her shares and other stuff, because what she earned at work was literally criminal, but not criminal in that country. It was sad but true that a dog in my country lives in greater comfort than a person in her home country) and I placed water by our dog (my mum had named whisper. Characteristic of my mum and her K9 Companion. Both very gentle and quiet creatures) I woke early the next morning and Whisper had died during the night.
I whept. I thought there should have been more I could have sones for her. I thought I should have been awake and not let myself fall asleep. She needed me and I wasn't there for her. Tooke a long time to talk about without breaking up. She was my bud.
I know from my own experience as an animal. I Know from watching the cats we've had in our lives... When an animal is old and/or sick, they always sneak off to somewhere dark and quiet to be alone.
I know what most human animals are unwilling to accept. The truth. We are born alone. We die alone.
I can be surrounded by people and still LIVE alone.
Now, back to save Francis.
Working class or working poor. We don't get the luxury of a midlife crisis and a stupid, ugly, red sports car.
We get to accept that we did what was good. Not "nice" f**K nice. "Nice guys finish last". They deserve to. Good guys get the waman, they even get the family. I been through all that in different scenarios.
I'm not nice, I am a good man.
I have at this time, literally no personal possessions apart from a few clothes.
El Horrendo
I gave a lot. Even recently to the family of a woman who I fell in love with. And she was damaged by a history of abuse. Her ex was still around... He was donour to four of her five kids. Nastiest piece of work I ever encountered. His kids loved me. He hated that. His ex loved me. He hated that. He hated that I chose non-violence and chose to stand defiantly against him, without fear for my wellbeing. He hated that it showed his kids that he was a sadistic bully. And that I was teaching them about kindness and compassion. Especially in how I treated their mother.
Their mother eventually pushed me away. Even when I was willing to be there and give myself completely. I had no job at the time, thanks to a medical condition. I was up in the mornings to help everyone get to school. I was up into the wee hours after making dinner, cleaning up, helping prepare chest for the next day... The closest thing to my own family I will ever have. My ex, she had her issues. And she was addicted to drama. Lavishing me with praise and love, affection, generosity and compassion 90-99% of the time. But she would turn one after a certain level of alcohol was in her and she would treat me like every man who ever mistreated her. She would be truly horrible to me for hours on end. She truly broke it all up when she put on two bizarre performances, both in front of at least one of her children. The same family who were my friends. Who would worry that their dad would hurt me. That I would always reassure, I'll be ok. And that there was never any reason fore to hide from him.
Suddenly the woman who spent all of her life hiding the abuses of her partners from her children to "protect them" which did the opposite to them, she behaved on two sudden and hurtful occasions as though I was to be feared. Even on the one where she hit me and the stood up and kicked me. Because I asked a question (thinking out loud) about how to train your dragon. We were watching. Suddenly, I wondered, are they Celtic Scotts or are they Vikings? Because of all of the mixed accents. That was it. Not sarcastic. Not mocking. Heck, I love that series. I watch it if it's on TV when I visit my dad. That doubled woman made her life a d the life of her kids so much more complicated the next time she did something similar.
So, the closest thing I had to a family of my own, without any illusions of replacing anyone. Of changing anyone. They were all so great. So special, each of them.
They never had to. And I preferred that they didn't, but they'd openly defend me when their father talked about about me. The youngest, six years old was the fiercest. and a true inspiration to me.
What that family went through, no one ever should. No child should ever become accustomed to it. But they were more immune to the bad energy and generally nasry and violent demeanor of their father than I ever was. I wish they didn't have to be. But they were.
I
I stayed through it all until I was told by their mum after she tried to start another fight in which I refused to engage, planned to leave and give us some space and come back with a change of clothes and hopefully a refreshed perspective for all (she never apologised, I was accustomed to that), but was told not to bother to come back. Leave the keys to her car, which sh couldn't legally drive after losing her license to DUI, and I was driving, doing school drop offs and pickups, grocery shopping, runs to get her ciggies and something to drink (which she kindly shared and which I had been paying her -on top of everything else at my own place, debts bills etc - for... Food, drinks etc) and never come back.
💔
The woman who would not tell her kids the truth about their sociopathic, bully of a father was pushing me away, because I wouldn't be drawn into the madness to which she was so accustomed.
And my new family... I couldn't blame their mum
I had to make sure if they needed anything, because I needed to go home... I couldn't even say a proper goodbye.
And now this Sage Francis track means more to me than ever.
El Horrendo
❤
Nancy Negative
This song is raw and sad but beautiful. How Sage Francis isnt insanely popular, I will never understand. His music has gotten me through some intense times in my life, good and bad. <3
My 20s were a war
My 30s were a blur
My 40s, im not so sure but i'm gonna make em purr.
Nancy Negative
Nolan Beatrolyn ive met him twice. The first time i just ran up and got a picture and the second time I actually got to speak to him and couldnt speak at first lol
Steve Trivago
Amen
AWAREDOE
20s were a ROAR.....like roaring 20s...🙂
Dubs McDubs
Sage is one of the best emcees to grace this planet, hands down.
Brandon Burton
2020 and this still hits you in the heart.