A-hole Rules the Navy
Salty Dick Lyrics
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Who sat one morning early in the head.
A bee came flying past and it stung him on the ass,
And this is what the gallant captain said.
Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea.
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
You'll get no ass from me.
Now we'll hear some rhymes of Yeoman Second Grimes
Who ran the hook that hoisted up the mail.
One day as he stood watch it caught him in the crotch
And he cried as he went flying o'er the rail, "It doesn't matter!..."
Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea.
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
You'll get no ass from me.
And now to end my song I'll sing of AB Long
Whose member was not like his name at all.
When asked if he would tell how he got along so well
His answer simply was as I recall, "It's very simple…"
Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea.
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
You'll get no ass from me-e-e-eee
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
You'll get no ass from me
The lyrics to Salty Dick's song "Asshole Rules the Navy" are a humorous take on the experiences of sailors and their encounters with various mishaps and injuries. The song features three separate stories, each involving a different sailor who faces a humorous and embarrassing situation.
The first story is about Captain Kitt, who is stung on the ass by a bee while sitting on the toilet. His reaction to the pain is to declare "Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea," which becomes a refrain throughout the song. The second story is about Yeoman Second Grimes, who gets caught on a hook while hoisting up the mail and is thrown overboard. Despite his painful predicament, he defiantly declares that "it doesn't matter." The final story is about AB Long, whose answer to how he manages to sexually satisfy his partners is simply "it's very simple..."
Overall, the song is a playful and irreverent take on the experiences of sailors, highlighting the crude and humorous nature of life at sea. It also pokes fun at the rigid hierarchy and rules of the Navy, suggesting that even the most powerful figures are subject to humiliation and injury.
Line by Line Meaning
Let us sing a bit of good old Captain Kitt,
Introducing the first story of this song, about Captain Kitt.
Who sat one morning early in the head.
Setting the scene for the first story, with Captain Kitt in the bathroom.
A bee came flying past and it stung him on the ass,
Describing the unfortunate event that happened to Captain Kitt when he was stung on the buttocks by a bee.
And this is what the gallant captain said.
Transitioning to the chorus of the song, where Captain Kitt's reaction to the bee sting is revealed.
Asshole rules the Navy, asshole rules the sea.
The chorus, stating that in this Navy culture, the person who is the most difficult or unpleasant (the 'asshole') holds the most power.
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
If one is looking for sexual favors, it's better to get it from a friend rather than seek it from someone who holds more power.
You'll get no ass from me.
Captain Kitt is not offering any sexual favors, because of this Naval culture where the 'asshole' holds the most power.
Now we'll hear some rhymes of Yeoman Second Grimes
Introducing the second story of the song, about Yeoman Second Grimes.
Who ran the hook that hoisted up the mail.
Describing Grimes' job on the ship.
One day as he stood watch it caught him in the crotch
Telling the story of how Grimes was injured when the mail hook caught him in the groin.
And he cried as he went flying o'er the rail, "It doesn't matter!..."
Transitioning to the chorus once again, where Grimes' reaction to his injury reveals that the culture of the Navy has taught him to just accept his fate.
Now we'll hear some rhymes of Yeoman Second Grimes
Introducing the third and final story of the song, about AB Long.
Whose member was not like his name at all.
Describing the discrepancy between Long's name and his physical attributes.
When asked if he would tell how he got along so well
Setting up Long's response to the question about his sexual prowess.
His answer simply was as I recall, "It's very simple…"
Transitioning to the final chorus, where Long reveals his understanding of the Naval culture and how it affects sexual relations among the crew.
If you want a bit of bum, better get it from your chum -
Reiterating the idea that sexual favors are best sought from friends rather than those who hold power.
You'll get no ass from me-e-e-eee
Long is not offering any sexual favors, because he understands the culture of the Navy where the 'asshole' holds the most power.
Contributed by Ava S. Suggest a correction in the comments below.