Broke
Scott Lavene Lyrics

I'm broke
I have no money

Skint
I am completely out of money

Strapped
I have no cash at all

Brassic
I am absolutely penniless

This old fella come round to my crumbling abode
An older man came to my old home

The band used to rehearse, in his garage
The man's garage was the rehearsal space for his band

I know he's always suffered with
I am aware that he has struggled with

Some very serious mental health problems
He has had severe mental health issues

But to me, he's always been a kind and decent fella
Despite his struggles, I think he's a good person

He knew I was having a rough time
He realized that I was going through a difficult period

So on this day, he brought around two bottles of gin,
To make things better, he brought over some gin

Four bottles of wine, some Fray Bentos pies,
He also brought wine and some meat pies

Six tins of cheap Irish stew,
Additionally, he brought canned Irish stew

A packet of Ginger Nuts, and a loaf of shit bread
Lastly, he provided Ginger Nuts cookies and a low-quality loaf of bread

I was grateful 'cause I was hungry, and I was thirsty
I was thankful because I was hungry and very thirsty

Then he sat down on the sofa and told
Afterwards, he sat on the sofa and explained

Me he was thinking about murdering his mum
He confessed that he had contemplated killing his mother

That was a bit awkward, so I had a sip of gin, smiled at him
The situation was uncomfortable, so I drank some gin and smiled at him

It was just before Christmas when I
This took place a short while before Christmas

Was sacked from the pub I worked in
I was fired from my job at a pub

They'd always warned me that I was more drunk than the customers
My employer warned me several times that I drank more than the clientele

I considered that a perk of the job
I saw it as a benefit of working there

'Parently not
Apparently, that was not the case

Two days later I went for an audition,
Two days later, I went for an audition

In a department store to be Father Christmas
I tried out to be Santa Claus in a department store

They said I was too thin, and too young
They rejected me because I was too thin and too young

Fucking bastards
This made me very angry

Then I got picked at the post for a job delivering tofu by bicycle
I was eventually chosen to deliver tofu by bike

The girl who got the job could speak Chinese, which the owner liked
The owner preferred the girl who could speak Chinese and offered her the job

I had a girlfriend at the time
I had a girlfriend around this time

I called her up and told her of my financial predicament,
I informed her about my money struggles over the phone

And she sighed the longest sigh that I have ever heard
She let out an exasperated sigh for an exceedingly long time

It went like this:
It sounded like this:

"Oh for fuck's sake Scott,
She said, "Scott, for goodness sake,

I can't deal with this right now;
I can't handle this at the moment;

I'm just going out for lunch with Roland from marketing"
I'm going to have lunch with Roland, who works in marketing."

"Who the fuck is Roland from marketing?"
I wondered, "Who is Roland from marketing?"

I thought, as I put the phone down
I reflected as I ended the call

I had the right hump after that,
This upset me greatly,

So I phoned a couple of pals to see if they could lend me fifty quid
So I called some friends and asked if they could borrow me 50 pounds

So I could go and get completely arseholed
So I could go out and get very drunk

That Christmas turned out alright, though
I ended up having a good Christmas despite everything

'Cause and old mate of mine from Essex phoned me up
Because an old friend from Essex contacted me

Said he needed a hand chopping down bushes
He said that he required some assistance cutting down some bushes

So we could sell 'em as bonsai trees on Basildon Market
So we could sell them as miniature trees at Basildon Market

We made a small fortune, though it did feel a bit snidey
We earned a small amount of money, although it felt a little dishonest

Selling them to the nice old ladies
We offered them for sale to the friendly elderly ladies

Oh well, much better that
Even so, this was an improvement over

Than being broke
The alternative of being pennyless

That girl dumped me in the end
In the end, that girl broke up with me

Fuck her
I don't care for her

I don't know if Chris ever murdered his mum
I am unsure if Chris ever killed his mother

Maybe one day I'll read about it in the paper
Perhaps at some point, I will read about it in the newspaper

Thing is
However,

I don't read papers!
I never read any newspapers!

Even if he does kill her
Even if he does end up killing her

It probably won't end up in the papers
It is unlikely to be reported in the newspapers

'Cause there's so many fucking arseholes in this world
Because there are countless terrible people in this world

Murdering their mums
Killing their own mothers

It ain't even news anymore
This is no longer even considered newsworthy

Not me though
However, I have never

I have never once thought about murdering my mum
Considered killing my mom even once

She's fucking lovely!
I love her dearly!

As well as that every time I see her
Also, every time I encounter her

She always bungs me a few quid
She always slips me some money

Hopefully one day I'll be able to do the same to my little girl
I hope to someday do the same for my own daughter

I fucking doubt it though!
But I'm not optimistic about it!