Fuck Up
Sirius Lyrics

Sunk so deep you won't believe
I am in a deep hole that some people might not truly comprehend.

I can't pressive what is over me
I cannot express the weight of my current situation.

I know what you think when you say my name
I am aware of the judgments some people have of me.

Talk about me like Oh he change.
People talk about me as if I have changed from who I was.

Another dope is up his nose
Another person is doing drugs and they might think I am too.

And I don't know if I can trust him
I am uncertain if people truly trust me anymore.

And the smell of alcohol is too much for me to go hug them
The smell of alcohol makes it difficult for me to be around some people.

And it's hard to take, hard to watch, hard to look away.
It is difficult for me to face and deal with the problems I am encountering.

But it is worse to be in the middle of this shit
It is more problematic to be in the midst of these issues.

Try to make up why to stay.
I am attempting to justify why I need to remain in this situation.

So I underestimate people, lie to myself
To cope, I underestimate people and lie to myself about the reality of my situation.

But I'm easy to see through
My façade is easily seen through by others.

Used to be so proud but take a look at these eyes
I used to be so proud but my struggle is evident in my eyes.

Take a look at me now.
Look at me now and see how my problems have affected me.

Everybody got a problem with me
People have issues with me and I am aware of it.

But then again no one tells life's easy
No one ever said life would be easy.

Now I get to watch where I put my feet
I have to carefully watch my every move.

Some don't even want to look at me.
People do not want to associate with me anymore.

Every now and then I think back
I reflect on my past from time to time.

If I took another choice where will I be at.
I ponder where I would be if I had chosen differently in my past.

Would mom say I'm proud of you and my dad want to guide me through
I wonder whether my parents would be proud of me and guide me if they were still here.

And I do want to change, but I keep coming back to the same old same
I honestly want to change, but I cannot seem to break free from this cycle.

Story line, well I write a rhyme about quitting shit for a better life
I write songs about leaving my negative habits behind so that my life can improve.

What the fuck is that, where's the discipline? this thing to bring out the bitch in me.
I am angry at myself for not having discipline to change and improve my situation.

And did I make this song for the sympathy
I question if I wrote this song for people to feel sorry for me.

I don't know what it is but I'm sick of it.
I do not know what exactly it is, but I am tired of my current situation.

Look into my nephew's eyes I see myself back when
When I look at my nephew's eyes, I see my younger self.

I didn't care about nothing, I'll rather be alone for now, figure out, how to bring myself back down on the ground.
At one point in my life, I did not care about anything or anyone and preferred to be alone. Now I am trying to find a way to get back to reality.

Cause now I am flying higher than I ever could imagine
I am currently living a life beyond my wildest dreams.

And I was supposed to be scared of heights
I was always supposed to be scared of the unknown and unfamiliar, but now I am embracing it.

Like what happened?
I do not know what occurred to change me.

I'm stuck somewhere between and it hurts.
I am in a place of uncertainty, between my past and present, and it is painful.

Cause it's dark tonight I miss the sunlight
Metaphorically, I am in a dark place, and I miss the light in my life.

I miss saying things like thanks I'm alright.
I miss being able to tell people I am alright, knowing it was the truth.

When you ask me how I'm feeling.
When people ask how I am, I cannot tell them the truth anymore.

Well I'm happy when I'm dreaming.
The only time I am happy is in my dreams.

It's a whole other world in my head when I close my eyes in my bed.
When I sleep, it is like I am in a completely different world in my mind.

Cause I make up places and people.
In my dreams, I create my own world with my people.

Replace myself if I need to.
In my dreams, I even replace myself if I want to.

Three little birds on my doorstep, I see what it means when I go there.
When I go to a peaceful place, like my doorstep with birds, it reminds me of the simplicity and beauty of life.

So peaceful, so quiet, alone but self-relying.
Being alone in a peaceful place helps me realize I can rely on myself and be okay.

I came to the point when I put the mic down and said I'm done.
I reached a point where I wanted to stop creating music and expressing myself through it.

And with a life like this, you might just feel like putting steel on your tongue.
With the kind of life I am living, one might feel inclined to hurt themselves or stay silent.

Cause I swear to good I seen suicides, I knew people who took the wrong.
I have witnessed suicides and known people who made poor choices, affecting their lives negatively.

So rest in peace to the people I knew cause I know you can hear my song.
I offer my condolences to those I knew who have passed away, and I believe they can still hear my music.

And I will be strong for me and you, do what they tell me that I can't do.
I will stay strong for myself and those I care about, proving others wrong.

In all your names, I'm gonna fight, so I walk on the stage for you tonight.
I am fighting in honor of those who cannot and am performing for them tonight.

And when the light hits me, I am gonna shine for you.
When I am in the spotlight, I will shine for those I care about.

Button line I'm a lie for you, they are gonna kill me to make us meet again
In reality, I am living my life for the people I care about, and I am willing to die for them to see them again.

Cause I'm never giving up I ain't leaving yet.
I will not give up or leave until I accomplish what I set out to do.

It's not for me no more, it's for all of us.
I am no longer living my life for myself; it is for everyone who cares about me.

I see you when I see you, I love you all.
No matter where or when, I care about and love all the people who are important to me.