Raindrops
Slaughterhouse Lyrics

Tear drops in the pillow on my bed
There are tears on my pillow as I try to cope with my emotions

Still trying to keep my head up
Despite the pain and difficulties, I am trying to remain strong

Know you'd rather see me dead
There are people who want me to fail and give up on life

And the raindrops keep on falling
The struggles and pain in my life continue to persist

I said they keep on falling
The problems and sadness never seem to go away

I'm the product of when a nigga's mama gives up
I was born under difficult circumstances, with a mother who could not cope

Crying lying in the trash with the lid shut
My mother gave up on me and left me to die as an infant

Ain't got no family my mind is tender my
I have no support system and my mental health is fragile

Daddy's invisible my Mom's is Brenda uh
My father is absent and my mother is struggling to raise me

If I survive I'm grow into what
If I manage to overcome these obstacles, I will be labeled and treated as trash by society

Society considers trash the rope is to us
Society has predetermined that people like me are not worth anything and have already set us up for failure

That means I'm hanging myself by living
Being alive is in itself is a challenge and a burden

The noose is getting murdered that or going to prison
The only things that await me in life are death or imprisonment

My minds controlled before I learned mind control
My thoughts and actions are so influenced by my environment that I don't even realize how much control it has over me

What you call living life I call dying slow
Life for me feels like a slow march towards death, rather than an actual living experience

I'm genetically predisposed
My life and my future are predetermined by my genetic makeup and the circumstances of my birth

The reaper the only thing that can ease my soul freezing cold
Death is the only thing that can finally put an end to this pain and suffering

Feeling like I was given life and if I take it at least I choose
My life feels almost like a punishment, and I can only hope that choosing my own end will bring some sense of control back

I'll probably be in heaven when the pain stops
I can only find peace once death finally takes me

Til then all I'm hearing is wind and rain drops
Until that day comes, I am left to endure the constant pain and hardships of life

Dear auntie I still feel your timeless sorrow
I am still haunted by the suffering that my aunt went through before passing away

Before you died it's like your body was mine to borrow
In the moments before her death, I felt like her suffering was a burden also weighing heavily on me

Everyday it make me sad, angry, mad how you were sent to heaven sacred path
I am left with a mix of painful emotions at the thought of my aunt's passing

Duct taped and gagged plus raped and stabbed body draped in blood what a faith to have
My aunt's death was particularly brutal and savage, leaving me with even deeper scars to bear

Such a pitiful end I'm popping Ritalin like they skittles cause
The horror of my aunt's death has left me with a deep need to numb myself to the world

When I sleep I can feel it again and again and again it's difficult
I am constantly tormented by nightmares of my aunt's death, making it almost impossible to rest easy

Killing is the wickedest biblical sin I'm talking about momma's identical twin
The thought of violence and killing is something that fills me with dread, and makes me think back to the pain of losing my own mother's twin sister

I see your face when I look at her
Every time I look at my aunt's face, I am reminded of my mother's twin sister who passed away

Her reminder of how I've been in the cold
The memories surrounding my aunt's death and my mother's twin's passing have left me feeling isolated and alone

Since 14 years old
I have carried this pain and grief from a very young age

Swear to God I'll probably be in heaven when the pain stops
Only death can bring me any sort of peace, and I know that is where I will find it

Nah I ain't move bricks on the peter pan
I am not involved in any criminal activity

No father around to teach me how to be a man
Growing up without a father figure has left me without a clear understanding of what it means to be a man

We was too high didn't know when we would land
I grew up in an environment where drug use and addiction were common, leaving me feeling unmoored and untethered in life

Scraping coke on the weed til' niggas didn't see a plant
I grew up in an environment where drugs were always present, and sometimes it was not even clear that there was any actual plant material being consumed

Alcoholic's child raise off of sugar water
I grew up in a family where there was an alcohol problem, leaving me to subsist on cheap sugary drinks

Headed to you and just thought about how good he was brought up
As I approach you, I cannot help but think of your own fortunate upbringing and beginnings

Coulda woulda outta one track mind
My mindset has been limited by my upbringing and environment, leaving me unable to fully imagine a different kind of life

They say man of many hats buys a hooker for a quarter
People say that someone with many skills or talents is also capable of engaging in morally questionable activities

And now I'm writing a book and the hoods the author
I am now working to tell and share the stories of others who come from similar circumstances, using my own experiences as the foundation

Called the "Obvious Poker Face The Look of Torture"
This book that I am working on has a provocative title that is intended to capture the pain and suffering of life in the projects

Teach you how to climb your way out that ditch then
Through my book, I hope to help others learn how to overcome their own struggles and rise up from their difficult circumstances

Me all I need is this pen and thick skin
All I need to be successful is my writing and a resilience that comes from enduring the pain and hardship of my upbringing

Being so bright could mean you lit then
Being intelligent and having promise and potential could also make you a target for those who would seek to tear you down

Cause you start trying to figure out a figment
Once you begin to imagine and dream of a better life, it can be difficult to reconcile that hope with the harsh realities of the world around you

I'm still waiting on my did to get back
I am still hoping for a reunion with my father, who has not been present in my life

He went to the store in 84 and I ain't seen him after that
My father left and never returned in 1984, leaving me without any sort of relationship or bond with him

Another single mom public assisted the rent wasn't consistent
My mother was also struggling and was forced to accept public assistance to make ends meet

So they had us back and forth to court in the months of the blizzard (Freezing)
The challenges and difficulties in our life only seemed to compound, with legal troubles and the harshness of winter compounding our struggles

My sneakers leaned the rubber was missing
We were unable to afford basic necessities like proper shoes, which left me at risk of injury and added to my sense of despair

No one on ones they always jumped me no brothers and sisters to hold me down
I was frequently surrounded by people who meant me harm, and had no siblings or support to help me navigate those situations

Along with headphones plugged into a cheap Walkman that ate tapes
Music was one of the few respites I had from my life, but even that was a struggle as my cheap technology was constantly breaking and malfunctioning

Gun shots and me sleep walking I hate weights
I am constantly on edge and fearful due to the violence and danger around me, making it hard for me to truly rest and relax

A whole lot of crying police chalking that fate tape
So much pain and misery surrounded me that there was almost always a sense of tragedy and loss hanging in the air

Ambulance never on time they like a day late
Even basic services like medical care are often unavailable or unreliable in my community

My cousin ain't had to vacate my best friend since age eight
My own family members and those closest to me have also been forced to flee or abandon our community, leaving me more alone

Sometimes I can't hold them I kid you not
The pain and grief of my life are often too much for me to bear, leaving me seemingly without any outlets

Eyes get swollen holding on that tissue box
All I can do is cry and grieve, holding onto whatever meager comfort I can find