Positive
Spearhead Lyrics

Make me, make me sweat til I'm wet, til I'm dry
I want to feel alive and passionate with you, until I'm completely spent and all my energy is gone

but then wipe this tear from my eye
But please, help me recover and console me when our experience is over, so I don't feel vulnerable or exposed

haven't felt this warm in a long time
I haven't felt this level of intimacy or comfort in a very long time

even out in the bright sunshine
Even in the happiest of times, I haven't felt this type of warmth

in lifetime of springtimes
This feeling is more precious and long-lasting than a lifetime of springs

I fall into your arms with my heart pumpin' on, like a bubblin' dub track, like a garlicy hot tonque and lip smack
I surrender myself completely to you, my heart pounding in my chest, like a reggae beat, like a spicy and intense kiss

I did some contemplation before we got down to this consecration
Before we got intimate, I took time to think and reflect on the possible consequences

maybe baby something in you kiss said it was an impetous for me to rethink this
Perhaps something in your kiss made me realize that being intimate with you was worth the risk and uncertainty

If I love you then I better get tested, make sure we're protected
If I truly care for you, then I need to take responsibility and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases, to ensure our safety

I walk through the park, dressed like a question mark, Hark! I hear my memory bark, in the back of my brain, makn' me insane...like cocaine
As I walk outside, dressed strangely and lost in thought, I'm reminded of the risks I've taken in the past, and how much they've disrupted my life, like a drug addiction

It dawned on me, it seemed to me this is unusual scenery, this red light greenery make me feel kinda dreamery, thinkin' how I used to be
I suddenly realize how unusual and surreal my life feels now, surrounded by signs of danger and protection, and I reflect on how carefree and ignorant I used to be

Arrive at the clinic, walk through the front door, take a nervous number, then I think about it more, about all the time that I neglected, makin sure that I was protected
As I enter the clinic and wait for my test results, I regret all the times I've neglected my own safety and ignored the importance of protection

They took my blood, with an anonymous number, two weeks waitin' wonderin'
I went through the process of getting tested, with a sense of anonymity and suspense, waiting for the results to come back in two weeks

I shoulda done this a long time ago, a lot of excuses why I couldn't go, I know these things and these things I must know, 'cause it's better to know than to not know!
I realize I should have gotten tested a long time ago, and that the excuses I made were foolish, because it's always better to know the truth than to try to hide from it

I go home to kick it, in my apartment, I try to give myself a risk assessment, the wait is what can really annoy ya, everyday is more paranoya
After leaving the clinic, I try to relax at home, but I can't help but think about the possible worst-case scenarios and how my life might change

I'm readin' about how it's transmitted, some behavior I must admit it, who I slept with, who they slept with, who they, who they, who they slept with
I educate myself about the ways HIV is transmitted, and I admit that my past sexual behavior and my partners' behavior are relevant and important to consider

I think about life and immortality, what's the first thing I do if I'm H.I.V, have a cry and tell my mother, get on the phone and call my past lovers
I contemplate the fragility of life and the possibility of death, and I consider how I would react if I did test positive for HIV - I imagine crying, telling my mother, and contacting my past partners

I never thought about infectin' anotha, all the times that I said "Hmmm? Don't bother"
I am confronted with the fact that my irresponsible behavior in the past may have put others at risk, despite my own selfish feelings and desires

Was it really all that magic? The times I didn't use a prophalactic
I question whether the moments of intense passion and connection I've experienced in the past were really worth the possible risks and consequences of unprotected sex

Would my whole life have to change? or would my whole life remain the same? sometimes it makes me want to shout! all these things too hard to think about
I wonder how my life would be affected if I test positive for HIV, and I feel overwhelmed and frustrated by the many unknown factors and complicated emotions involved

a day to laugh, a day to cry, a day to live and a day to die, 'til I find out, I may wonder, but I'm not gonna live my life six feet under
Every day brings a mix of emotions and experiences, and even as I wait for my test results, I refuse to give up hope or let fear control my life