William Tell overture
Spike Jones Lyrics

It's a beautiful day for the race
The weather is perfect for the horse race today.

Stooge Hand is the favorite today
Stooge Hand is predicted to win and is the crowd favorite today.

Assault is in there
The horse named Assault is competing in the race.

Dog Biscuit is 3 to 1
The odds of the horse named Dog Biscuit winning are 3 to 1.

Safety Pin has been scratched
The horse named Safety Pin was supposed to race but has been disqualified.

Ya ya
An expression of excitement and anticipation for the race.

And at 20 to 1 ... Beetlebomb
Beetlebomb has odds of 20 to 1 of winning the race.

Now the horses are approaching the starting gate
The horses are nearing the gate from where they will start the race.

And there they go!!
The race has started and the horses have taken off.

And it's Stooge Hand going to the front
Stooge Hand is in the lead at the start of the race.

Cabbage is second on the rail
The horse named Cabbage is in second place and following the innermost rail track.

Beautiful Linda is third by a length
The horse named Beautiful Linda is third and trailing by one length.

And ... Beetlebomb
Beetlebomb is still competing in the race.

Around the first turn
The horses have taken their first turn around the track.

Stooge Hand is still in front
Stooge Hand is still leading the race.

Cabbage is second by a head
Cabbage is now in second place and only slightly behind Stooge Hand.

Beautiful Linda is third
Beautiful Linda is still in third place.

And ... Beetlebomb
Beetlebomb is still competing in the race.

Into the back stretch
The horses are now running the straight stretch of the track towards the finish line.

Dog Biscuit is now leading the pack
Dog Biscuit has taken the lead and is ahead of all the other horses.

Lady Evelyn is second, very close
The horse named Lady Evelyn is closely following Dog Biscuit in second place.

Banana is coming up through the bunch
The horse named Banana is making progress by moving through the other horses in the race.

And ... Beetlebomb
Beetlebomb is still competing in the race.

At the half
The race has reached halfway point.

Stooge Hand still out in front
Stooge Hand is still leading the race at the halfway point.

Apartment House is second with plenty of room
The horse named Apartment House is in second place with some distance from the leading horse.

Assault is passing Battery
The horse named Assault is overtaking Battery and improving its position in the race.

Notary Sojac is fourth
The horse named Notary Sojac is in fourth position.

And in last place by 10 lengths
Beetlebomb is now last in the race, behind all other horses by 10 lengths.

I believe it is, yes it is ... Beetlebomb
The singer confirms that Beetlebomb is still competing in last place.

Around the turn heading for home
The horses are approaching the final turn before reaching the finish line.

It's Stooge Hand and Dog Biscuit
Stooge Hand and Dog Biscuit are now in the lead.

And Girdle in the stretch
The horse named Girdle is racing in the home stretch towards the finish line.

Flying Sylvester is third
The horse named Flying Sylvester is in third position.

And Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear
The horse named Mother-In-Law is at the back of the pack and losing ground.

And now they come down to the wire
The horses are now close to the finish line.

And it's number one
One of the horses is close to winning the race.

And now number two
Another horse is also close to winning the race.

And it's very close
The race is too close to call.

There'll need to be a photo finish
The judges will need to inspect a photo of the finish to determine the winner.

Or an oil painting
An old method to determine the winner was through an oil painting of the finish line.

And now Louis leads with a left
The singer references a boxer named Louis leading with his left fist in the boxing ring.

And Louis is in there slugging
Louis is fighting and making punches in the boxing ring.

And it's a battle
It's a fierce competition for the finishing line.

And now they're tearing hair
The horses, and possibly the jockeys, are exhausted and struggling.

There's hair all over the ring
The ground, or ring, is covered with hair from the struggling horses.

There's hair all over the place
The hair is falling everywhere as the horses struggle.

I don't know whose hair it is, ah ah
The singer wonders whose hair is it falling all over.

It's mine
The singer takes responsibility for the hair falling all over.

And there goes the winner ...
The winner crosses the finish line and the race is over.