Splodgenessabounds is a British punk rock band, associated with the Oi! and… Read Full Bio ↴Splodgenessabounds is a British punk rock band, associated with the Oi! and Punk Pathetique genres. Their frontman is Max Splodge.

The band is best known for their 1980 track, "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps", coining a phrase that lent its name to a BBC sitcom. Peculiarly, the song was the B side of a single. The less-popular A side was "Simon Templar", a souped-up version of the theme tune of the ITV TV series, The Saint.

In 2006 the band appeared on Harry Hill's TV Burp, after being featured on Rock School with Gene Simmons. Hill made fun of the Kiss frontman, and the band performed at the end of the show, accompanied by Hill dressed as "The Demon", Gene Simmons.

Simon Templar
Splodgenessabounds Lyrics

We have lyrics for these tracks by Splodgenessabounds:

667 The Neighbour of the Beast I′m just this side of blue, Just as close to crackin'…
I Fell in Love With a Female Plumber From Harlesden Nw10 I was sitting in the kitchen eating some toast All of…
Simon Templer Simon Templer, he′s so hunky All his birds are very funky Si…
Tough Shit Wilson Tough shit was born in Tennessee* He was deaf and dumb,…

Two Little Boys Two little boys had two little toys Each had a…
Two Pints of Lager And A Packet of Crisps Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please. Two…
Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps Please Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please. Two…

The lyrics are frequently found in the comments by searching or by filtering for lyric videos

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01All my love

02It's a really good feeling4:00

03Hela-Di-Ladi-Lo3:14

04Bueno Domenica

05Midnite Dynamos3:01

06I Want You to Want Me3:03

07Boat On The River3:12

08Coming Up5:00

09You Name It...I'll Do It

PT2M35S

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Comments from YouTube:

@patriciaangelavalerio9425

2y↑1

Que saudades,décadas douradas,nostálgica, gratidão!🙏🥰❤💋🍀🥰🥰🥰❤❤💋

@JoeStunner

14y↑18

I used to love this song - and the TV show. I once broke an arm by jumping off a coal shed while pretending to be Simon Templar. I remember lying there and thinking, "I'll bet The Saint never had this fucking trouble!"

@manonamountain

6y↑1

Fucking class!

@secretsymphony

45w↑2

The video maker has obviously never heard of Ian Ogilvy. The music is based on Return of the Saint with Ian Ogilvy, yet not one picture of him...

@kirkwallboy

14y↑1

Hi Harrry, I had the same album in 1981, on bleeding cassete all wrapped up and gone I'm afraid. Fan bleeding tastic it was. Niffy Smells, I'm surrounded by niffy smells. Blocked up noses aren't much fun, quick call for Malcolm's mum. It was all really cool in stereo, all the dub bits, very well produced and good songs too. Can't seem to get it anymore though. Quick, call for Malcolm's mum etc.

@hanz2602

14y↑3

@kidfromtheseventies Ian Ogilvy was, "Return of the Saint" which ran for one year...i know "Return of the Saint" was running when this was released but "The Saint", was and will forever be, Sir Roger Moore (god bless his wrinkly face)...i had this on red floppy vinyl with "Have you got a light boy", "Yarmouth five 0"and "Mornin milky"...good times, good times

@autopilotflight

15y↑3

thanks for posting! I loved this when I was young, now i'm not so sure!! I am off to search for Einstein a go go too!

@WORKERS.DREADNOUGHT

1y↑1

Apparently Roger Moore's suits were so expensive they could not afford them on the production budget, so he wore his own. (he was the highest paid TV actor at the time)

@mariaeccles5902

Saw Mac Splodge last night Boxing Day 21, loads of fun !@

@Zog26

11y↑9

Top lyrics, just a great track. Trip down memory lane, up their with Jilted John!

@olafbigandglad

According to the interwebs, Jilted John was by Jilted John, but I personally have no first hand knowledge.

@8824snipe

14y↑1

Was B side "2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps" please.

@Blondejam

2y↑1

Banger!!!

@IdleAl

16y

My wife, who foolishly doesn't like Splodgenessabounds just remembered this song, and is know singing the words to me!

@TheKatzenfrosch

7y↑5

Good bye Roger.... :(

@RevJock

14y↑4

Seen them down the Tramshed in Woolwich a couple of times around 1980. Brilliant track this :-)

@therealbadabing

14y↑1

@blagger56 No they came from Orpington in Kent. Used to go to my school.

@bugutwo

7y↑1

Considering the last episode of The Saint with Roger Moore was aired in 1969, viewers would have to be in the late 50s to barely remember it. The Saint, in my opinion was one the greatest British TV series of all time. As a teen I can remember all the lads wanted to be Simon Templar including me.

@skylongskylong1982

bugutwo cooler than James Bond, and does not have to rely gadgets.

@Anonymous-qw

It is on tptv now

@pauldeane2122

4y↑7

Best lyrics on any song ever - ‘simon’s got a hairy chest, goes to bed without his vest . . . On

@1960gal

16y↑2

The Tramshed, SE18. All pi**ed up - loads of skins and punks! Oh, what a laugh. I was so jealous of Christine!!

@almklit

14y↑1

I can here the chords to Stranglers No More Heroes in this

@hanz2602

15y

happy ppl still liking and enjoying

@CarlosDiaz-uf3hm

Soy María Díaz dueña de este fono y digo que Roger Moore. Fué uno de los mejores actores y muy buenas las series como el Santo. y el más buen moso

@gwenever4954

9y↑1

classic and thank you for uploading, my vinyl album is getting rather worn

@whelkshuffler

11y↑1

Ian Ogilvy or podgey Moore, he goes to bed without a vest on! Woolwich Tramshed. The 80's. What progress?

@onewordarmy9135

8y↑2

the true genius of max and co has finally hit me, we all went out and got saint tattoos but it had not to have his halo, mine is green and flying a kite, thanks for this upload, i only saw them the once, at guildford uni, michael b's talking bum hahahahahaha

@philipcorbould7376

8y↑1

Best B Side EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hanz2602

14y

posted this a while ago and no-one has spotted the mistake in the montage...any guesses?????

@Zog26

3y↑7

"Well I think Simon's head is large / always involved in espionage." Beat that for a lyric, I dare you.

@PliskinLee

15y

i remember seeing them on Xmas Eve live in Yarmouth back in the 80's. Brilliant!!

@bendahlblom7881

11y

sounds good song

@tacticalbattledroid

16y

top tune luv it ;-)

@hanz2602

13y

@DavidMegson1 Well spotted David...the image is from The Man with the Golden Gun...been over a year since I asked if someone could spot the mistake :-)

@Jojoseahorse

9y↑3

Love this - hadn't heard it since back in the day! Somehow I kept expecting Yoko Ono to start wailing over the beat...... :)

@ericgeorge5483

7y↑1

The first Splodge record I ever bought!!

@hanz2602

7y↑2

I had this on a pink floppy disc that included, Mornin Milky and Have You Got A Light Boy. It was a a rare piece of Splodge music. It became even rarer when I lost the bloody thing :-)

@hanz2602

14y

@4plates my friend we are both wrong...it was released as a triple A side...Simon Templar" / "Michael Booth's Talking Bum" / "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please" (Deram) - 1980 - UK Number 7

@singstarralph8163

7y↑3

I saw these at Bowes Lyon House in Stevenage in the early 80's. I think they were supporting either King Kurt, The Meteors or Ten Pole Tudor, but to be honest , it's a bit of a blur 😐

@Lamvesp

I was there too.

@ianbastard2000

17y

HEar Hear My good man!

@kbinco

13y

Cool album, I remember when it came out.

@kbinco

14y

Great old song.

@shaftsbury94

13y↑1

simon...raised an eyebrow.

@la535lhx

Brilliant song just for some reason not available on iTunes

@kirkwallboy

14y

mast be return of der saint, innitah

@simonrobson7468

I love Punk ❤️🇬🇧❤️🇬🇧

@whelkshuffler

11y

Max still plays as Splodge.

@tacticalbattledroid

14y

sorry its been so long since i played this';-)

@user-xo9oq6co2m

1980

@velvetplumms

14y↑1

"Well i think Simons head is large always involved in espionage" hahhahahah

@4plates

14y↑1

your wrong hanz2602.......two pints was the b-side,but it became more played than the a-side

@hanz2602

14y

im 45 my friend...so heard plenty

@almklit

14y

No not the original theme tune but this rendition uses the chords

@hanz2602

14y

Youtube offer to put adverts on this and spilt what was made from the adverts...i said no...i may be old but selling my soul to make a rich man richer...

@user-jo6kc8rl8i

8y↑1

סיימון טמפלר המלאך כייף של סידרה שנות ה 60

@NRVERTAKEMEALIVE

13y

@hanz2602 Saw em once a t rock city. petitioned by femenists splodge threw blue mags at them throughout the set! Return of the saint image may be an error???

@8824snipe

14y

Ok thanks pal.

@kwikbug

14y

i thought two pints was released in '77

@bardo677

Simon Templar tho,

@hanz2602

14y

only one dilerate image is wrong...spot it yet

@hanz2602

14y

@almklit if you do hear Stranglers then they stole the chords from whoever wrote the theme...lol

@eddiebear100

12y

Not too bad.

@TheCanndyman

43w

Why the Roger Moore video pics? This was clearly a tribute to the more recent Return of the Saint series starring Ian Ogilvy. Kind of misses the point...

@voxred1

15y

this was pre TISM -you can see where they got their ideas from 100.9ZZZFM

@fluuuuuuuuffy

16y

Fuck me!! I havent heard this for 25 years!! It's still as shit now!!!

@blagger56

14y↑1

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't they come from Norfolk?

@NismoJester

No, Peckham, London

@leigh2040

15y↑1

slodgenessabounds first album a classic of sorts, this is the tip wait ti you get albert tatlock

@hanz2602

14y↑4

No,this was the B side of two pints of lager and a packet of crisps :-)

@terencefitzmaurice5391

Michael Booths talking bum

@bluemauvey

14y

'Little Red Book' by Love maybe. Anyhoo; it's shite.

@chrispalmer9838

Roger Moore himself would probably have found this hilarious...

@saggybitch

14y

Tramshed woolwich!!! good times!!!!

@kirkwallboy

14y

Mind you, with the passing of time, it could been Whiffy Smells. I want that LP, and I wannit now!

@birdgod5584

Why does this sound like third wave ska yet came out earlier than a lot of second wave ska?

@quakermaas

16y

Christ, I was about 10 when I last heard this on a friends 7" 45rpm

@getthefffffoffme

Wipe out rip and Yardbirds Blow-up rip - terrible tune.

@kirkwallboy

15y↑1

Always fort dis song was aimed at der Ian Ogilvey, tosspot 70's versh of der Sime, not the orridge Sixties Roger Moore. Leave it aaat! Get rid of Roge's pix pronto mate. An' is top white Vulva sports coop. Post up some rabbish Ogilvie glossies instead. Along wiv rabbish big Jag XK waddyemaacallits. Ruins the mood of the song, otherwise. ah.

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