In 1950, he scored a huge success with his first recording for Capitol Records, John and Marsha, a soap-opera parody that consisted of the title characters (both played by Freberg) repeating each other's names. In a follow-up he used pedal steel guitarist Speedy West to parody the 1953 country hit A Dear John Letter as A Dear John and Marsha Letter.
Throughout the 1950s he made a name for himself writing and performing both original songs (Tele-Vee-Shun) and parodies of popular tunes (The Yellow Rose of Texas, Day-O, Heartbreak Hotel). With fellow voice actors Daws Butler and June Foray he produced a medieval parody of Dragnet called St. George and the Dragon-Net. The latter recording was a #1 hit for four weeks in late 1953.
Freberg's brilliant, authentic-sounding musical parodies were a byproduct of his collaborations with Billy May and his Capitol Records producer Ken Nelson. His brilliant 1957 spoof of TV "champagne music" master Lawrence Welk, Wun'erful, Wun'erful was a true collaboration with May, a veteran big band musician and jazz arranger (known for his work with Frank Sinatra among others) who loathed Welk's corny style. To replicate that sound, May and some of Hollywood's finest studio musicians and vocalists worked to virtually clone Welk's sound. Billy Liebert, a first-rate accordionist copied Welk's own accordion playing. The humor was lost on Welk; Freberg later recalled the bandleader denying he ever used the term "Wunnerful! Wunnerful!" (later the title of Welk's autobiography).
Another hit song to get the Freberg treatment was the weepy Cry, which Freberg rendered as Try ("You too can be unhappy... if you try!") Ray was furious, until he realized the success of Freberg's parody was helping sales and airplay of his own record; Ray and Freberg actually became close friends.
Freberg continued to skewer the advertising industry after the demise of his radio show, producing Green Chri$tma$ in 1958 (again with Butler), a scathing indictment of the overcommercialization of the holiday. Freberg, the son of a church minister and very religious himself, made sure to point out on that novelty record "Whose birthday we're celebrating." Despite his Jewish-sounding last name, Freberg is actually a Baptist of Swedish heritage.
"Green Chri$tma$" also foreshadowed his musical review on LP Stan Freberg Presents: The United States Of America, Volume 1: The Early Years (1961) in that both combined dialog and song in a musical-like style. Stan Freberg Presents: The United States of America, Volume 2: The Middle Years was planned for a release during America's Bicentennial in 1976 but did not emerge until 1996.
Christmas Dragnet Part 1
Stan Freberg Lyrics
Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴
My name's Wednesday.
My partner's Frank Jones.
The Chief's name is Captain Kellogg.
December the 24th, Christmas Eve.
They brought in a guy named 'Grudge'.
When I heard what they booked him on, my blood ran cold.
It was a 4096325- 096704: not believing in Santa Claus.
I was working the holiday watch out of homicide with Frank.
"Hang up your stocking yet, Joe?"
"Yeah, just before I come down. You too Frank?"
"Alway do.
Hung it up early just in case I have'ta work late tonight.
Wouldn't wanna miss out on when Santa Claus comes you know. "
"Sure wouldn't, be a shame."
"Whatcha gonna do tomorrow, Joe?
Whatcha gonna do on Christmas, got any plans?"
"Nothin' much."
"Why don't you come by the house Joe?
We're gonna have Christmas dinner.
You know, all the trimmings:
Chestnuts, all the trimmings, you know.
Cranberry sauce, love'ta have ya.
The Missus always fixes a plate of relish
with them little carrot sticks.
You know, olives, pickles, scallions.
Most people call them green onions, but they're really scallions.
Did you ever notice that Joe?"
"Notice what Frank?"
"How most people call them green onions but they're really scallions."
"Uh-huh. Scallions."
"Anytime after two, Joe. Love ta have ya."
"Uh-huh. Well I'll see."
"Love ta have ya."
"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."
"Love ta have ya."
"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see."
"Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them little carrot sticks.
You know - olives, pickles, scallions."
"Christmas Dragnet Part 1" is a parody song by Stan Freberg, parody based on the television show Dragnet, with characters and themes borrowed wholesale from the series. The song's lyrics act as a parody of the procedural crime drama, but also as a kind of absurdist listen-in on a Los Angelino Christmas.
The song begins with two detectives, Wednesday (Freberg) and Frank Jones (Daws Butler), discussing a charge brought against a man they've arrested: "not believing in Santa Claus". While absurd, the detectives take the charge seriously and appeal to the "Chief's name is Captain Kellogg" to come up with a solution. Later, we hear Frank talking about his own Christmas plans, inviting Joe to come to dinner with "chestnuts, all the trimmings, cranberry sauce" and, of course, "little carrot sticks". Joe is noncommittal but Frank is insistent, repeating over and over that he'd "love ta have ya," to the point of it seeming almost like a threat.
The song is filled with lots of references and jokes about the holiday season, and it's clear that the creators of the show are having a lot of fun making fun of these tropes. It's also interesting to note that the song was released on the first Christmas after "Dragnet" had moved to NBC, association with the network's "X Minute" programming lineup of shorter-form shows.
Line by Line Meaning
This is the season.
The holiday season has arrived.
My name's Wednesday.
I am Detective Wednesday.
My partner's Frank Jones.
My partner's name is Frank Jones.
The Chief's name is Captain Kellogg.
Our boss is Captain Kellogg.
December the 24th, Christmas Eve.
It is currently Christmas Eve.
They brought in a guy named 'Grudge'.
We arrested a suspect named Grudge.
When I heard what they booked him on, my blood ran cold.
I was alarmed when I heard Grudge's crime.
It was a 4096325- 096704: not believing in Santa Claus.
Grudge was arrested for not believing in Santa Claus.
4: 35 p.m.
The time is currently 4:35PM.
I was working the holiday watch out of homicide with Frank.
Frank and I were working as detectives on Christmas Eve.
"Hang up your stocking yet, Joe?"
Frank asked me if I have hung up my Christmas stocking.
"Yeah, just before I come down. You too Frank?"
I replied that I have hung up my stocking and asked Frank if he has.
"Alway do.
Frank always hangs up his stocking.
Hung it up early just in case I have'ta work late tonight.
Frank hung his stocking up early in case he has to work late.
Wouldn't wanna miss out on when Santa Claus comes you know. "
Frank wouldn't want to miss out on Santa Claus coming to fill his stocking.
"Sure wouldn't, be a shame."
I agreed that it would be a shame to miss Santa Claus.
"Whatcha gonna do tomorrow, Joe?
Frank asked me what my plans are for Christmas Day.
Whatcha gonna do on Christmas, got any plans?"
Frank asked me if I have any plans for Christmas.
"Nothin' much."
I replied that I don't have many plans.
"Why don't you come by the house Joe?
Frank invited me to come to his house for Christmas dinner.
We're gonna have Christmas dinner.
Frank is having a Christmas dinner at his house.
You know, all the trimmings:
They will have all the traditional Christmas dinner foods.
Chestnuts, all the trimmings, you know.
They will have chestnuts and other traditional Christmas dinner foods.
Cranberry sauce, love'ta have ya.
Frank would love to have me come and join them for dinner with cranberry sauce.
The Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them little carrot sticks.
Frank's wife always serves relish with carrot sticks as part of the meal.
You know, olives, pickles, scallions.
They will also have olives, pickles, and scallions.
Most people call them green onions, but they're really scallions.
Frank corrected himself and said that most people call them green onions, but they are actually scallions.
Did you ever notice that Joe?"
Frank asked if I had ever noticed this before.
"Notice what Frank?"
I asked Frank what he was referring to.
"How most people call them green onions but they're really scallions."
Frank reiterated that scallions are often mistakenly called green onions.
"Uh-huh. Scallions."
I acknowledged Frank's correction of the term.
"Anytime after two, Joe. Love ta have ya."
Frank invited me to come by anytime after 2PM.
"Uh-huh. Well I'll see."
I acknowledged Frank's invitation without fully committing to it.
"Missus always fixes a plate of relish with them little carrot sticks.
Frank mentioned again that his wife will prepare a plate of relish with carrot sticks.
You know - olives, pickles, scallions.
The relish plate will also have olives, pickles, and scallions on it.
Writer(s): Stan Freberg, Daws Butler Copyright: Morley Music Co. Inc.
Contributed by Samantha P. Suggest a correction in the comments below.
Diane Copeland
Most people call them green onions, but they're really scallions....the most quoted line among my family!
Sarah Sapp
Us too!
John Długosz
It's probably prompted many of the cooking shows and channels to point out that they are actually different things.
John Hurt
I just remembered hearing this years ago coming home from midnight mass with my (now belated) mother and my brother. Possibly the last time we 3 went together. Warms my heart to hear about those scallions.
Just Plain Mike
“That’s ANOTHER guy there ain’t no of!” Hahahaha, it never gets old.
RetroRanger
Jesus, I remember my dad playing this for me, hearing it again, 25 years later borders on the surreal. Absolutely hilarious. As the kids would say, "poggers".
Wm. Hayden Edgmon
The best part is how they take the comedy seriously. It's not goofy it's playing for real!
Poetry Jones
So happy to find this!!! Thank you!! 🙏🏼🎅🏼
The78Prof
You're most welcome!
Nicole Howard
I grew up on the dr demento Christmas cd. All of these songs are such great and hilarious nostalgia