Gerbil
Stephen Lynch Lyrics

I bought a gerbil at the petting zoo
I acquired a pet gerbil from a location where one can touch animals

If Richard Gere can do it I can too
Richard Gere supposedly inserted a gerbil into his rectum, and if he can do it, so can I

I'd get undressed I'd start to lube
I would take off my clothes and apply a lubricant

I stick the gerbil in the end of the tube
I insert the gerbil into the end of a tube, possibly a PVC pipe or a toilet paper roll

Wondering just how he'll feel
I am curious about the gerbil's sensation and reaction

Will he like it better than his little wheel
I wonder if the gerbil will enjoy this more than running on a hamster wheel

Careful now he's right beside me
I am cautious because the gerbil is right next to me

One more inch and he's inside me
The gerbil is getting dangerously close to my rectum

Go gerbil go
I encourage the gerbil to burrow

Burrow harder burrow deeper
I want the gerbil to dig deeper inside me

Be my little chimney sweeper
I compare the gerbil to a person who cleans chimneys

One thing I forgot about
I overlooked something important

How am I supposed to get you out
I am stuck with the gerbil inside me and do not know how to remove it

So now my gerbil's on easy street
The gerbil is in a comfortable and safe place

It's warm and cozy and there's plenty to eat
The gerbil is in a suitable environment for survival

The situation is beyond my control
I am unable to do anything about the situation

Gotta find a way to get him out of his hole
I need to come up with a plan to remove the gerbil from my rectum

I try crowbars, I try wires
I attempt to use tools to remove the gerbil

I almost had him with a pair of pliers
I nearly succeeded in removing the gerbil with a pair of pliers

I try cheese but he's not biting
I attempt to lure the gerbil out with cheese, but it does not work

I wish this wasn't so exciting
I am nervous and wish the situation was not happening

Jesus I am such a sucker
I acknowledge that I am foolish and gullible

Please get out you furry fu-grr
I plead for the gerbil to come out of my rectum

I think I am getting ill
I feel sick and unwell

Suddenly he's very, very still
The gerbil has stopped moving inside me

Now its too late my gerbil died
The gerbil has died inside my rectum

I guess I have committed gerbicide
I am responsible for the death of the gerbil

Here's some advice it's very clear-cut
I give some straightforward advice

If you love your gerbil, don't stick him up your butt
Do not insert a gerbil into your rectum if you care about its safety and well-being

Don't stick him up your butt
This line is a repetition of the above advice

Little furry gerbil in your booty hole
This line is a humorous description of the previous events

Don't stick him up
Another repetition of the advice not to insert a gerbil into your rectum

And ya put him in your ass
This line is a crude way of saying to not insert a gerbil into your rectum

And he won't come out
The line means that inserting a gerbil into your rectum has consequences and may not end well

(growling skeet)
This line does not have a clear meaning but is most likely a humorous sound effect