Superhero
Stephen Lynch Lyrics

If I could be a superhero
The singer imagines being a superhero

I would be awesome man
The first imagined superhero is named 'Awesome Man'

I'd fly around the world fighting crime
Awesome Man would use his powers to fight crime globally

According to my awesome plan
Awesome Man is very confident in his crime-fighting strategy

And if I saw criminals trying to lie
Awesome Man would stop criminals from deceiving others

Hurting other people and making them cry
The criminals' actions cause emotional and physical pain

I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van
Awesome Man would physically apprehend the criminals and transport them to jail

'Cause I would be awesome man
This refrain emphasizes the artist's wish to be Awesome Man

Now, some criminals want you to be a criminal,
Some criminals try to persuade others to break the law

And they offer you things like drugs, alcohol.
Criminals may use drugs and alcohol to entice others to join them

But we know what to do, kids. We just say ‘no'.
The singer advises kids to avoid drugs and say no to criminal activity

If I could be a superhero
The artist imagines being another superhero

I would be drug-free boy
The second imagined superhero is named 'Drug-Free Boy'

Telling the world of the evils of drugs
Drug-Free Boy would promote awareness of the dangers of substance abuse

And all of the lives they destroy
The singer acknowledges the negative impact of drug addiction on individuals and communities

Well I'd take all the junkie
Drug-Free Boy would intervene with drug users

He's getting so high
Drug-Free Boy would stop drug users from getting high

With their needles and bongs
Drug-Free Boy describes common drug paraphernalia

And their sticks made of Thai
Drug-Free Boy references Thai sticks, a specific type of marijuana

As I burn them alive I would squeal with joy
The artist describes a gruesome and violent act that Drug-Free Boy would take pleasure in

'Cause I would be drug-free boy
This refrain emphasizes the artist's wish to be Drug-Free Boy

If I could be a superhero
The artist imagines being another superhero, a third time

I'd be immigration dude
The third imagined superhero is named 'Immigration Dude'

I'd send the foreigners back to their homes
Immigration Dude would deport immigrants

For eating up all of our food
The singer blames immigrants for consuming too many resources

And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
The singer believes that immigrants take advantage of government assistance programs and take jobs away from citizens

Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit
The singer describes jobs typically held by immigrants

I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood
Immigration Dude would create laws to prevent immigration or limit immigrants' rights

'Cause I'd be immigration dude
This refrain emphasizes the artist's wish to be Immigration Dude

Now kids, you can make up your very own superhero. If you could, who would it be?
The singer encourages kids to create their own superhero identities

If I could be a superhero
The singer imagines being another superhero, a fourth time

Would you be justice guy?
The fourth imagined superhero is named 'Justice Guy'

Making sure people get what they deserve
Justice Guy would punish those who do wrong

Especially women who lie
The artist singles out women as targets for Justice Guy's punishment

Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job
The singer presents a hypothetical scenario in which a woman abandons her family

To run off to fucking Hawaii with some doctor named Bob
The artist describes the woman's illicit relationship with Bob, which led to her abandoning her family

You could skin them and drain them of blood so they die (especially Bob)
Justice Guy would kill the woman and Bob in a violent and gruesome manner

Then you would be justice guy
This refrain emphasizes the singer's wish to be Justice Guy

Or you could be more subtle
The singer suggests alternate methods that Justice Guy could use to punish wrongdoers

No I didn't mean to be vague
The artist clarifies that he is not being vague or unclear

Give her the mad cow disease
Justice Guy could use biological warfare to harm the woman

Let him die of the plague
Justice Guy could use disease to harm Bob

As long as they suffer for their terrible lie (especially Bob)
Justice Guy would inflict suffering on the woman and Bob in response to their wrongdoings

Then you would be Justice Guy
This refrain again emphasizes the artist's wish to be Justice Guy, as well as his belief that violence is an appropriate response to perceived injustice