Carrie & Lowell
Sufjan Stevens Lyrics


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Carrie and Lowell
Such a long time ago
Like a dead horse
Meadowlark drive your arrow

Season of hope (after the flood)
Valentine, spurn my sorrow
Head on the floorboards (covered in blood)
Drunk as a horsefly
Climb on the mattress pad
Twist my arm

Under the pear tree
Shadows and light conspiring
Covered bridge, I scream
Cottage Grove shade invite me

I will bow down (Dido's lament)
Lord of the ancient waters
From the backyard (as far as she went)
Carrie surprised me
Erebus on my back
My lucky charm

Carried by stones
Fairyland all around us
Like a dead horse
Sign of your children's fever

Carrie, come home (Thorazine's friend)
Holding your hands with opal
Like a dead horse (shall we ascend)
Flight of the mayfly




Ephemera on my back
She breaks my arm

Overall Meaning

In the song "Carrie & Lowell" by Sufjan Stevens, he is reflecting on his relationship with his mother, who passed away in 2012. The song is primarily about the memories he has of his childhood spent with his mother, Carrie, and stepfather, Lowell. The opening lines, "Carrie and Lowell, such a long time ago, like a dead horse, meadowlark, drive your arrow" sets the emotional tone of the song as melancholic and reflective.


Throughout the song, Stevens references specific memories of his time with his mother and stepfather such as "head on the floorboards, covered in blood," alluding to a car accident they had, and "under the pear tree, shadows and light conspiring," referencing a specific spot where they would sit and talk. The line "season of hope (after the flood)" refers to the biblical story of Noah's Ark and the hopefulness of new beginnings. Stevens also uses references such as "Dido's lament" and "Erebus on my back" to allude to ancient Greek mythology, which acts as a metaphor for his own personal feelings of sadness and loss.


Line by Line Meaning

Carrie and Lowell
The song is titled after Sufjan Steven's mother and stepfather's names.


Such a long time ago
The events described in the song happened a long time ago.


Like a dead horse
The repetition of this line signifies the feeling of overwhelmingness and being stuck in the past.


Meadowlark drive your arrow
Meadowlark symbolizes hope and the possibility of moving forward.


Season of hope (after the flood)
Contrasting the feeling of being stuck with the hope for change and renewal, after a difficult time like a flood.


Valentine, spurn my sorrow
Valentine refers to Sufjan's stepfather, and this line potentially indicates how he saw Valentine's impact on his mom.


Head on the floorboards (covered in blood)
Potentially, recalling a traumatic event, represented as a violent and blood-soaked scene.


Drunk as a horsefly
The metaphor means losing control and feeling helpless.


Climb on the mattress pad
The song speaks from the perspective of a child, on a bed, trying to connect with their mother.


Twist my arm
Implies force applied to the child in some way by the mother, either physically or emotionally.


Under the pear tree
This could be a reference to Jesus, as the author is deeply religious.


Shadows and light conspiring
Introducing the clashing dichotomy of the two elements, representing how the memories of his past have both positive and negative elements.


Covered bridge, I scream
Potentially relating to an event in his childhood or within his family, represented metaphorically.


Cottage Grove shade invite me
Returning to an old place where they have a connection with Carrie's life.


I will bow down (Dido's lament)
Referencing an ancient Greek tale, where the singer would rather die than confront the past.


Lord of the ancient waters
Comparing himself to the lord of the ancient (overwhelming) emotions he felt in his past.


From the backyard (as far as she went)
Sufjan is limited in his memories of his mother and his childhood, only being able to recall what happened from his backyard.


Carrie surprised me
Potentially expressing both admiration and sadness due to the unorthodox and loose way of how his mother raised him.


Erebus on my back
Introducing the idea of the underworld and the association with the earth, suggesting an all-encompassing pain or trauma present within the singer.


My lucky charm
In the past, Sufjan believed his mother was his lucky charm.


Carried by stones
Potentially describing the weighty burden that a family can place upon a child.


Fairyland all around us
The depression and instability present in his family life apparent to the young child as a place with no hope or happiness, but all around him.


Sign of your children's fever
Alluding to the way that past traumas can impact future generations.


Carrie, come home (Thorazine's friend)
Thorazine is a sedative and anti-depressant that can be used to treat bipolar disorder, and potentially referencing the archaic ways that they tried to treat his mother's bipolar disorder.


Holding your hands with opal
The opal could reference his mother's religious beliefs or the memories of her hands.


Like a dead horse (shall we ascend)
A repeated phrase that could be symbolizing the two starkly different paths forward: remaining stuck, or trying to move forward.


Flight of the mayfly
Mayflies are known for their short life span, suggesting the fleeting feeling of joy and innocence in childhood.


Ephemera on my back
Referencing the theme of the transitory nature of existence, and how the past is a weight on his life.


She breaks my arm
Implies a powerful impact, the deep-rooted and lasting pain of memories from the past.




Lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Written by: Sufjan Stevens

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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Most interesting comments from YouTube:

@gabrielledennis549

00:00 Death With Dignity
04:00 Should Have Known Better
09:07 All of Me Wants All Of You
12:52 Drawn to the Blood
16:10 Eugene
18:42 Fourth of July
23:23 The Only Thing
28:07 Carrie & Lowell
31:22 John My Beloved
36:30 No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross
39:11 Blue Bucket of Gold
43:57 Album credits



@Truthmoses

Just left my mother's bedside and am meeting with hospice in the morning, hoping to ease her passing. Nothing unusual or unexpected about a 92 yr old passing, but up until 8 days ago, she was sharp as a tack, full of life and vigor. She had been blessed with good health most of her life, but in this last yr she developed some heart problems, but had overcome each setback. I had expected that again with a recent flair-up, but alas, it was not meant to be.


She raised 4 children, and gave us absolutely every thing she had. And though she loved each of us equally, she also loved us each differently, with a love tailored for the unique needs, blessings, and sorrows each one of us carried. She taught me how to crawl, walk, then run as a baby. And when i stumbled again as a 35 yr old man, she talk me how to crawl, walk, and run again. I am 58 and solid on the ground, thanks to her.



Funny story-In June, I took her to a dr visit. Leaving her house, like always, I gave her a big hug. The next morning, I felt a tickle in my throat, and got tested for Covid, which was positive. My first thought was that big hug I stole from her 24 hrs earlier probably was going to kill her. Her only comment when I called about getting her tested was "if i didnt get it from you then, then I doubt i will get it from you later, so keep coming by." She tested negative, but did tell me I needed to wash my hands more.



So it's down to this-I've always had an uneasy alliance with grief, and quite frankly, I'm unfamiliar with it. But those waves are crashing now, and seem to be pouring out from the core of my bones. But stronger than the grief is an overwhelming sense of gratitude i feel for having had her so deep into my life.

It is a grief that only a poet can articulate. God bless you Mr Stevens. I heard this song a few yrs back and knew it would be my map thru grief when that day comes. It is here.

I do not ask for, nor deserve- any pity. I simply pray that her agitation ends and that she be given a peaceful passage. I thank the Lord above for her. When I came into the world that cold day in February of 1963, I know he gave me the best one he had available that day.



@index0066

1- death with dignity
Spirit of my silence I can hear you, but I'm afraid to be near you
And I don't know where to begin
And I don't know where to begin

Somewhere in the desert there's a forest, and an acre before us
But I don't know where to begin
But I don't know where to begin
Again I lost my strength completely, oh be near me tired old mare
With the wind in your hair

Amethyst and flowers on the table, is it real or a fable?
Well I suppose a friend is a friend
And we all know how this will end

Chimney swift that finds me be my keeper, silhouette of the cedar
What is that song you sing for the dead
What is that song you sing for the dead
I see the signal searchlight strike me, in the window of my room
Well I got nothing to prove
Well I got nothing to prove

I forgive you mother I can hear you, and I long to be near you
But every road leads to an end
Yes every road leads to an end
Your apparition passes through me, in the willows and five red hens
You'll never see us again
You'll never see us again

The rest is down
Have a nice day💜



@index0066

2- should have known better
I should have known better
To see what I could see
My black shroud
Holding down my feelings
A pillar for my enemies

I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
My black shroud
I never trust my feelings
I waited for the remedy

When I was three, three maybe four
She left us at that video store
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy

I'm light as a feather
I'm bright as the Oregon breeze
My black shroud
Frightened by my feelings
I only want to be a relief

No, I'm not a go-getter
The demon had a spell on me
My black shroud
Captain of my feelings
The only thing I want to believe

When I was three, and free to explore
I saw her face on the back of the door
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy
Oh, be my rest, be my fantasy



@index0066

4- drawn to the blood
I'm drawn to the blood
The flight of a one-winged dove
How? How did this happen?
How? How did this happen?

The strength of his arm
My lover caught me off guard
How? Head of a rabbit
How? Head of a rabbit

For my prayer has always been love
What did I do to deserve this?

With blood on my sleeve
Delilah, avenge my grief
How? God of Elijah
How? God of Elijah

As fire to the sun
Tell me what I have done
How? Heart of a dragon
How? Heart of a dragon

For my prayer has always been love
What did I do to deserve this now?
How did this happen?



@index0066

5- eugene
Light struck from the lemon tree
What if I'd never seen
Hysterical light from Eugene?

Lemon yogurt
Remember I pulled at your shirt
I dropped the ashtray on the floor
I just wanted to be near you

Emerald Park, wonders never cease
The man who taught me to swim
He couldn't quite say my first name
Like a father, he led Community water upon my head
And he called me "Subaru"

And now I want to be near you
Since I was old enough to speak
I've said it with alarm

Some part of me was lost in your sleeve
Where you hid your cigarettes
No, I'll never forget

I just want to be near you
Still I pray to what I cannot see
In the sprinkler, I mark the evidence
Known from the start

From the bed near your death
And all the machines that made a mess
Far away the falcon flew
Now I want to be near you

What's left is only bittersweet
For the rest of my life
Admitting the best is behind me
Now I'm drunk and afraid
Wishing the world would go away
What's the point of singing songs
If they'll never even hear you?



@index0066

6- fourth of july
The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head
Was it all a disguise, like Junior High
Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction
Now, where am I?
My fading supply

Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles

The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?

Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light

Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die

We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die
We're all gonna die



@index0066

7- the only thing
The only thing that keeps me from driving this car
Half-light, jack knife into the canyon at night
Signs and wonders, Perseus aligned with the skull
Slain Medusa, Pegasus alight from us all

Do I care if I survive this, bury the dead where they're found
In a veil of great surprises I wonder did you love me at all?

The only thing that keeps me from cutting my arm
Cross hatch, warm bath, Holiday Inn after dark
Signs and wonders, water stain writing the wall
Daniel's message, blood of the moon on us all

Do I care if I despise this, nothing else matters, I know
In a veil of great disguises, how do I live with your ghost?

Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow
I want to save you from your sorrow

The only reason why I continue at all
Faith in reason, I wasted my life playing dumb
Signs and wonders, sea lion caves in the dark
Blind faith, God's grace, nothing else left to impart

Do I care if I survive this, bury the dead where they're found
In a veil of great surprises, hold to my head till I drown
Should I tear my eyes out now, before I see too much?
Should I tear my arms out now, I wanna feel your touch

Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow



@hiphyro

This album is very good at emotionally destroying me. It’s only 7 years old but it’s extremely nostalgic for me; I’m young enough that whenever I heard it it was always in the back of my parents’ car, and when I found this album again here on YouTube I skipped through it as I realized I knew every single song on it. It made me quiet then and it still does. Thank you for this. I don’t think I’d be the person I am today without it.





“So, can we be friends, sweetly, before the mystery ends?
I love you more than the world can contain in its lonely and ramshackle head.
There’s only a shadow of me in the matter of speaking










I’m dead.”



All comments from YouTube:

@teddi5039

Sufjan is like the first sip of water after a sandstorm.

@joatanpereira4272

His voice is like a warm hug

@sarahcover3116

Its like a empty old house who have a lot of memories in it

@carmen2667

Like feet dancing through grass wet with dew

@kazzz2765

It's a feeling of pure childlike wonder. No better way can i describe it

@aradhyanegi4897

It's like the feeling when you are dancing slowly in the shower and you see the water droplets refracting little rainbows 😭

4 More Replies...

@siluetadevapor

I don't know how Sufjan just stands in front of people and sings this songs without falling apart

@pantalaemon

i'm guessing he sings it in front of people and in a way that keeps him from falling apart

@hoagielamp6543

I don't know how y'all can consider this so emotional. The Antlers, Pat The Bunny, AJJ and Paul Baribeau are way more emotional in subject matter and vocalization.

@insidevoices6003

@Hoagie Lamp dude I love AJJ but you have to admit a lot of their songs have a layer of separation that's just inherent to the folk punk genre. When Sean talks about his abuse there's a degree of dramatisation, you can tell he's coping with it. This album is so raw, Sufjan is just pouring his heart out. AJJ can be emotional but it never really got me in the same emotional way that this record does.

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