The first time Sam Ray nearly died was when he was just a kid. Thrown into … Read Full Bio ↴The first time Sam Ray nearly died was when he was just a kid. Thrown into a pool by someone who didn’t know he’d never been able to swim, he struggled and thrashed about for a bit, but eventually, he ran out of energy and sank. “It was a true acceptance, complete and total serenity,” he remembers. “Then I got pulled outta the pool and I was thrown back into real life.” That peace has stuck with him over the last few years, as he’s grappled with health issues, watched the world slowly die around him, and worked, intensely, on his first new music as Teen Suicide in over half a decade.

In some ways, it’s the same sort of theme that's been on Ray's mind since he first launched the ever-evolving project—which began with a series of no-fi punk songs recorded at home with friends. The world doesn’t matter, life is inherently painful, but you always find a way forward amidst the bleakness. For his part, at 31, he finally feels grown-up, and a little more self-assured—his new songs offer less of the desperate emotional thrashing of his youth.

The Things I Love Are Killing Me
Teen Suicide Lyrics

Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴ Line by Line Meaning ↴

All forms of desire have left this body now
It feels so tired white room, empty house
What if my heart's not in it?
It could happen to me what would you do
If the things you loved were killing you?

What day will they choose
When the earth decides to cut me loose?

In an auditorium
Taking methadone with my friends
Beside a lake with my dad in '96

Hope I get choices
The things I love are killing me now

Overall Meaning

In Teen Suicide's song "The Things I Love Are Killing Me," the lyrics delve into themes of exhaustion, emptiness, and the destructive nature of desires and passions. The opening lines suggest a weariness that has taken over the singer's body, as all forms of desire have abandoned them. The reference to a "tired white room, empty house" amplifies this feeling of isolation and emptiness.

The following lines emphasize the singer's contemplation of whether their heart is truly invested in what they love. They question what would happen if their passions became detrimental to their well-being, hinting at the potential dangers of pursuing one's desires blindly. The lyrics provoke the listener to consider the consequences and decisions they would make if faced with a similar situation.

The song then shifts to a more somber reflection on mortality and the uncertainty of life. The singer wonders which day fate will decide to abandon them, using the imagery of the earth cutting them loose. The mention of an auditorium and taking methadone with friends suggests a struggle with addiction and the surroundings that perpetuate it. In contrast, the reference to a moment with their dad beside a lake in '96 introduces a nostalgic and bittersweet element to the song, creating a juxtaposition between the power of positive memories and the destructive forces in their life.

Ultimately, the lyrics convey a sense of longing for choice and agency in the face of a self-destructive situation. The repetition of "The things I love are killing me now" serves as both a realization and a plea for control over the damaging aspects of their life.

Line by Line Meaning

All forms of desire have left this body now
I no longer have any passion or longing within me

It feels so tired white room, empty house
I feel exhausted and isolated, like being trapped in a lifeless space

What if my heart's not in it?
I wonder if I have lost interest and motivation

It could happen to me what would you do
If I were to experience such a situation, how would you react?

If the things you loved were killing you?
If the very things I cherish and enjoy were causing harm to me, what would be the outcome?

What day will they choose
When will circumstances lead to a decision

When the earth decides to cut me loose?
When fate determines to release me from this world?

In an auditorium
In a place of gathering and observation

Taking methadone with my friends
Engaging in a shared experience with my companions, possibly seeking relief

Beside a lake with my dad in '96
By a peaceful body of water, reminiscing with my father during the year 1996

Hope I get choices
I wish for the power to make decisions and have options available to me

The things I love are killing me now
The very things that bring me joy and satisfaction are causing harm and distress to me at present

Lyrics © TERRORBIRD PUBLISHING LLC

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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Most interesting comment from YouTube:

idleheartpoems

7y↑16

lyrics :
all forms of desire have left this body now
it feels so tired
white room, empty house
what if my heart's not in it?
it could happen to me
what would you do if the things you loved were killing you?

what day will they choose when the earth decides to cut me loose?
in an auditorium?
taking methadone with my friends? beside a lake with my dad in ‘96?
i hope i get choices
the things i love are killing me now

All comments from YouTube:

Run For Cover Records

6y↑2

American Pleasure Club’s (formerly known as Teen Suicide) new album ‘A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This’ is out 2/16, listen to “this is heaven & id die for it” right here: https://youtu.be/MtHifoG2kgM