Smoke Smoke Smoke
Tex Williams Lyrics

Now I'm a fellow with a heart of gold
I'm a generally pleasant person

With the ways of a gentleman I've been told
I've been taught to be polite and courteous

A kind of fellow that wouldn't even harm a flea
I'm not a violent person

But if me and a certain character met
But if I met a particular person

That guy that invented the cigarette
The person who invented cigarettes

I'd murder that son of a gun in the first degree
I would harm that person severely

Of course, it ain't for that I don't smoke myself
I don't dislike cigarettes because of that person

And I don't reckon they'll injure your health
I don't think smoking is necessarily unhealthy

I've smoked 'em all my life, and I ain't dead yet
I've been smoking for a long time without any harm

But nicotine slaves are all the same
People addicted to nicotine behave similarly

At a pheasant party or a poker game
Regardless of the setting

Everything's gotta stop while they smoke the cigarette
Everyone must wait while they smoke

Smoke smoke smoke that cigarette, Puff puff puff
Cigarette smoking

And if you smoke yourself to death, Tell St Peter at the Golden Gate, That you hate to make him wait, You gotta have another cigarette
If you die from smoking, apologize to St. Peter and smoke again

And a game of chance the other night
And while gambling recently

Ol' Dame Forson wasn't doin' me right
I wasn't having great luck

Them kings and queens just kept on comin' round
I kept getting good cards

I got a full, and I bet it high
I had a strong hand and bet a lot

But my plug didn't work on a certain guy
But I couldn't outsmart a particular person

He just kept on raisin' and layin' that money down
He kept betting more and more money

He'd raise me, and I'd raise him
We kept increasing our bets

I sweated blood, you gotta sink or swim
I was under intense pressure to either win or lose it all

He finally called and raised the bet
He matched my bet and then increased it again

I said "aces is full, pal, how about you?"
I asked if he had a strong hand

He said "I'll tell you in just a minute or two, right now I just gotta have myself a cigarette"
He said he needed to smoke before he could answer

The other night I had me date with
Recently I went on a date with

The cutest gal in these fifty states
A very attractive woman

One of 'em high bred uptown fancy little dame
A wealthy and well-educated woman

She said she loved me, and it seemed to me
She expressed affection for me

That everything's were like they ought a be
Everything seemed perfect

So hand in hand, we strolled down Lover's Lane
We went for a romantic walk

She was oh so far from a chunk of ice
She was very warm and affectionate

Our smoochin' party was a goin' real nice
We were kissing and making out

So help me, and I think I'd of been there yet
I think we could have gone further

I give her a kiss, a little squeeze
I showed affection towards her

She said "Tex, excuse me please, I just gotta have a filtered cigarette"
She interrupted our moment to smoke a cigarette