DRAGON WARRIOR
The Adventures of Duane and BrandO Lyrics

I'm gonna club you in the teeth with my bamboo stick.
I intend to hit you hard with my weapon - the bamboo stick - in the jaw area.

I'm dressed up in leather, with a shield ancestor of Erdrick.
I have adorned myself in protective garments made of hide, and my shield is a relic belonging to my heroic ancestor, Erdrick.

On a quest to bring peace to the land that we're livin' in.
I am on a journey to restore stability and tranquility to our society.

On a mission to hit the Dragonlord with my fist.
I am determined to defeat the Dragonlord using my strength and fists as my weapon.

I've got a pocket full of herbs for when I'm powerin' up.
I am carrying various medicinal herbs to help me boost my energy levels when needed.

Found Erdrick's Armor near the tree and punched a Wraith in the nuts.
I discovered the powerful Erdrick's Armor near a tree and defeated a Wraith in close combat by hitting it in the groin area.

I learned a couple of magic tricks, you can call me Houdini.
I have become proficient in some magical skills and tricks, similar to the famous illusionist Harry Houdini.

I saved the Princess like a motherfucker, barely competing.
I heroically rescued Princess from danger, defying all odds and obstacles with minimal effort.

And now she's all over my ballsack like stink on shit.
The Princess is showing excessive affection towards me, like a bad smell that won't go away.

But I got more important things to do, so fuck that bitch.
I have more crucial tasks to attend to, so I do not have time for the Princess's romantic overtures.

See ya later King Lorik, thanks for savin' my state.
I am parting ways with King Lorik, expressing gratitude for his help in safeguarding my state.

Sorry I can't stay for dinner but I'm gonna be late.
I express regret for not being able to stay for dinner, but I have to leave for a later appointment.

The Dragon Warrior, baby. Drivin' the ladies all crazy.
I am the dominant and charismatic Dragon Warrior, who attracts attention and admiration from the ladies.

Dudes wearin' armor despite me they are all jealous they ain't me.
Other people who are also wearing armor are envious of me, wishing they were in my position.

I'm on a mission to kill, I'll punch that bitch in the grill.
I am determined to eliminate my enemies and will use my fists to hit them in the face.

Cut every fuckin' finger off until he's beggin', I will.
I will dismember my opponent's fingers, causing them immense pain and agony, until they plead for mercy.

I'm on my way to the motherfuckin' castle.
I am en route to the prominent castle situated in the area.

With this new sword, gonna be fuckin' them up.
With my brand-new sword, I plan to cause massive destruction to my foes.

Level 22 Master, fuckin' up bastards.
As a skilled and experienced warrior at Level 22, I am capable of obliterating my adversaries.

With this steel ring that I found in the trunk.
I have discovered a valuable steel ring in a storage compartment.

And nobody's gonna touch my style.
No one can match my unique and unrivaled style.

So infantile, to think you'll be fuckin' with me.
It is foolish and immature to think of engaging in a confrontation with me.

Gonna drink this forty O, throw some bows.
I am going to consume an intoxicating beverage and engage in physical combat with my opponents.

Kick your ass into the tree.
I will use my leg to forcefully strike you and send you crashing into a nearby tree.

Bitch please, I'mma punch them shits, kick them shits.
I am confident in my fighting skills and ready to hit and kick my opponents.

Use some Hurtmore on that bitch.
I will inflict crushing pain on my enemy using the powerful spell Hurtmore.

Fuck yeah, I'mma wring their neck, put 'em in check.
I am energized and ready to strangle my foes, putting them in their place.

Then bust my damn chick.
After the battle, I will engage in sexual activity with my romantic partner.

With this quarter pounder bro, make her moan.
I will use a cheeseburger to cause my partner to experience sexual pleasure and vocalize their pleasure.

Send her ass fuckin' home.
After satisfying my partner, I will promptly send them home.

But right now I'mma grab that bitch and hit them shits in the back with my FO FO.
Currently, I am going to grab the enemy and hit them in the back with my weapon, the FO FO.

I'm goin' through the cave with a torch in my hand.
As I navigate the cave, I hold a torch to light my way.

Fightin' off these motherfuckers like a man with a plan.
I am battling my enemies proficiently, displaying courage and strategy.

I found a secret entrance way, in the back of the throne.
I discovered a hidden entrance located behind the throne.

The stupid fuckin' Axe Knight better leave me alone.
The foolish Axe Knight should steer clear of me to avoid being defeated.

Or I'mma break his damn legs in three places, for real.
I will cause severe damage to the Axe Knight's legs, breaking them in multiple locations.

Take his shit and hit his fuckin' torso with my shield.
After defeating the Axe Knight, I will take their belongings and use my shield to strike their body forcefully.

Oh shit I'm bein' stared at.
I realize that someone is staring intently at me.

Come here Wizard. Now this time I'll fight back. I'll break that.
I challenge the Wizard to a duel and vow to emerge victorious.

Got this sword, you can fall down 'cause bitch you're whack.
I wield my sword effectively, causing my opponent to fall due to their weak skills.

And every time my fuckin' hits'll make you die like that.
My attacks are lethal, resulting in my enemy's instant death.

Oh no my torch went out, I gotta save my spells.
I express concern over the torch extinguishing and conserve my spell reserves.

Aww, what the hell.
I express frustration over the unfortunate turn of events.

Radiant; I'm almost out any way.
I am almost out of my Radiant spell, used for illumination.

Finally I found the exit way to this maze.
After an extended search, I have located the exit from the intricate maze.

And now I'm approachin' Dragon Lord with some words to say.
I am preparing to confront the Dragon Lord and deliver a message.

Somebody better dig him a grave. For real.
I express a desire for someone to prepare a grave for the Dragon Lord, suggesting their imminent death.

You ready motherfucker? Well try this on for size, bitch.
I challenge the Dragon Lord to combat, indicating my readiness and confidence.

Punch to the face, kick to the shins.
I will deliver a forceful punch to the Dragon Lord's face, followed by a powerful kick to the shins.

Use some Healmore, now let me begin.
I will employ the spell Healmore to restore my health and begin the fight anew.

You're deader than shit, it's only fair to warn.
I proclaim my enemy's imminent death in advance, with the intention to execute them.

Until you show your true form.
I will continue to fight and inflict damage until the enemy reveals their true nature and is defeated.

Now I'm blockin' and kickin' I can't fuckin' get it.
I am resorting to defensive blocking and kicking, as I struggle to hit my enemy effectively.

I barely got any spells left.
I am running low on spell reserves and must conserve them.

I thought I was winnin'.
Initially, I believed I had the upper hand in the fight.

I guess I was forgettin' the power of his fire breath.
I had overlooked my enemy's fire breath ability, which has now weakened me substantially.

As I fall to the ground, I think of the town.
As I succumb to the enemy's attack and fall to the ground, I contemplate the implications of my failure on the town and its people.

How in the fuck could I let all these nice people down?
I express bewilderment and regret at having let down the good people of the town, who relied on me to succeed in my mission.