Papillon
The Airborne Toxic Event Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

All dressed up, no place to run
No car, no girl, no pills, no fun
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon

Alone again, no plans, no friends
You come around at half past ten
You say "How are you holding up my friend?
Are you sitting around getting drunk again?"

And I hear the desperation of those lines
Wasted hours, others wasted time
Uh, yeah, I been just fine!

Then we're out the door in an hour more
We stumble down from the second floor
And we're swaying, braying
We don't know what we're saying

And you grab my shirt, your way so curt
I swear to God that this doesn't hurt
When you stare like that, you put on that act
You say something and then you take it back

And I feel as though I've done something wrong
Oh, how I miss you when you're gone

And I wish I had the guts to scream
You know, things aren't always what they seem
When you walk away, I want to stay
Don't leave me here to pace and pray

All these nights I burnt, hours I turned
You think that by now I'd learned
That you're only what you pretend to be
I guess that was just lost on me

I can't stand the way you look at me
In that dress
Oh, happy, alright I might be, I guess
If I wasn't such a mess

I'm such a mess
I'm such a mess




I'm such a mess
I'm such a mess

Overall Meaning

The Airborne Toxic Event's song Papillon is a tale of loneliness and desperation, wrapped up in a wild night of partying with an old friend. The singer is all dressed up with nowhere to go, feeling empty and alone in the empty room. He longs for something to occupy his mind, to help him escape his own thoughts. Enter the old friend who shows up at his door at half past ten and provides an escape from his loneliness. They go out and get drunk, stumbling around and having a good time, but the singer can't help but feel like something is wrong. He feels like he's done something wrong, that he's misunderstood, and he can't help but be drawn back to the loneliness that he's been trying to escape.


The lyrics discuss the idea of pretending to be someone else, of putting on an act to fit in or make others happy, and the toll that it takes on a person. The singer wishes he had the guts to scream and to show the world who he really is, but he's afraid of being rejected or misunderstood. He's a mess inside, and he can't seem to shake it off, even in the midst of a wild night out. The song ends on a note of desperation and sadness, with the singer wishing for something more, something real, something that will help him escape the loneliness that haunts him.


Line by Line Meaning

All dressed up, no place to run
I'm fully prepared, but I have nowhere to go to escape my current situation


No car, no girl, no pills, no fun
I have no means of transportation, no significant other, no drugs, and therefore no enjoyment or pleasure in life


Nothing to do in this empty room
My surroundings are uninspiring and unfulfilling, leaving me feeling bored and unproductive


I gotta get my head together soon
I need to gather my thoughts and emotions and improve my mental state in order to move forward


Alone again, no plans, no friends
I am lonely and without social engagements, lacking companionship and direction in my life


You come around at half past ten
You arrive at my location late at night


You say 'How are you holding up my friend?
You inquire about my well-being and emotional state as a friend


Are you sitting around getting drunk again?'
You question whether I am spending my time wasted and/or intoxicated


And I hear the desperation of those lines
I can sense a desperation and concern in the words you speak


Wasted hours, others wasted time
I have been unproductive and have wasted time which could have been better spent


Uh, yeah, I been just fine!
I respond with insincerity, implying that I am not actually fine


Then we're out the door in an hour more
We leave shortly after conversing


We stumble down from the second floor
We clumsily descend a flight of stairs


And we're swaying, braying
We are unsteady on our feet, making unpleasant noises


We don't know what we're saying
Our speech is slurred, indicating incoherence


And you grab my shirt, your way so curt
You grab onto my shirt in an abrupt manner


I swear to God that this doesn't hurt
I claim that your actions are not causing me physical pain


When you stare like that, you put on that act
You pretend to feel a certain way by affecting your facial expression


You say something and then you take it back
You speak a statement and then retract it, causing frustration and confusion


And I feel as though I've done something wrong
I question my actions and whether I am responsible for the problematic interactions


Oh, how I miss you when you're gone
I feel a sense of longing and desire for your presence when you are absent


And I wish I had the guts to scream
I feel as though I need to express my innermost feelings through vocalizing my pain and frustrations


You know, things aren't always what they seem
I believe that the surface level of a situation is not always indicative of its true nature


When you walk away, I want to stay
I desire to remain when you choose to leave


Don't leave me here to pace and pray
I do not want to remain alone to stew in my thoughts and fears


All these nights I burnt, hours I turned
I have invested a significant amount of time and energy in this relationship/interaction


You think that by now I'd learned
I am expected to have gained knowledge and insight from my experiences with you


That you're only what you pretend to be
I have come to realize that you are not genuine and only present a facade


I guess that was just lost on me
I did not fully understand or comprehend this issue


I can't stand the way you look at me
I dislike the manner in which you gaze upon me


In that dress
I specifically dislike the dress you are wearing


Oh, happy, alright I might be, I guess
I feign contentment but ultimately display ambivalence towards my emotions in this situation


If I wasn't such a mess
I qualify my response with 'if' to suggest that my current emotional state is, in fact, fraught with turmoil and confusion


I'm such a mess
I admit and acknowledge that I am emotionally unstable and experiencing inner turmoil


I'm such a mess
I repeat my admission of being emotionally unstable


I'm such a mess
I repeat my admission of being emotionally unstable


I'm such a mess
I repeat my admission of being emotionally unstable




Lyrics © BMG Rights Management
Written by: MIKEL FRANS JOLLETT

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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