I Hate Hartley
The first song on the record, and probably the heaviest for me to deal with… Read Full Bio ↴The first song on the record, and probably the heaviest for me to deal with; I feel really uncomfortable writing about it actually, as it was such a heavy, and really negative experience that I wrote this song about. Just over a year ago I was admitted to hospital after an attempted suicide, I’d been going through some really heavy emotional times, I wasn’t handling my life very well, I was drinking just about every day to the point where I couldn’t remember not being hungover, and along with that the nagging depression that I’ve had for as long as I can remember seemed to be getting increasingly unbearable. I put my friends through some really traumatic times, I overloaded them emotionally and felt like I was losing my grip on everything around me, including my relationship with my now ex-wife and my friendships with just about everyone. It’s really hard to explain how overwhelming seemingly insignificant occurrences became. I thought all my friends hated me, I was getting really behind in my work and letting a lot of people down on a regular basis both work-wise and, as I stated before, relationship wise. I drank myself into an emotional coma, and one night it all came to a head and I ended up in hospital, sedated and really, really alone. So I wrote this not long before we finished doing our demos as a release of sorts I suppose. It’s a really f—ed thing to put your friends through, doing something like that… It’s really, really f—ed, and extremely selfish; on the flip side though when you’re going through it, it feels like it’s the best option. For me it took something that bad for me to turn my way of thinking around and seek help, and to really step back and take a look at everything that was going on and try to turn it into something positive.

- Joel Birch

I Hate Hartley
The Amity Affliction Lyrics


Jump to: Overall Meaning ↴  Line by Line Meaning ↴

Seems life forever,
Like forever
Since I tore myself apart
And left my friends in the wake
Of countless tears and fading life.
When I couldn't seem to grasp the life I lead
And the lives I touch
Its one year on now
One year on, one year on
Still I struggle with the same demons
I shed as I laid there lost in my head
Lost in my head

(Lost in this goddamn hospital bed)
I'm not the same man
And I don't dare try
(Try to uncover all the darkness I hide)
Its like my demons are my lovers
But I've got friends by my side
I've got hope in my eyes
And dreams to aspire too
And the whole wide world to watch below
(And death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give
And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left)

Instead of trying to take my own life
Its one year on
And I'm stronger, I want to live much longer
Not grow old and bitter
And not jaded
And not hate what life gave me
Let the fear wash away
Let the demons blunt their claws
On a life that's full of mistakes
But always searching for much more
I won't die defeated
I won't die defeated
I won't die defeated
I won't die

Cause I've got friends by my side
I've got hope in my eyes
And dreams to aspire too
And the whole wide world to watch below
(and death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give
And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left
No death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give




And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left)

Overall Meaning

The song I Hate Hartley by The Amity Affliction is a powerful and emotional track that speaks about the struggles of overcoming personal demons and the hope of finding strength, redemption and purpose to live. The lyrics start by reflecting on self-inflicted pain and regret that has caused the singer to tear himself apart and leave his friends in the wake of his own destructive behavior. The impact of his actions has caused him to struggle with the same demons even after a year has passed. Although he feels lost in his own head, the singer finds solace in the support of his friends and the hope and dreams that he aspires to achieve.


The next verse speaks more explicitly about the singer's desire to take his own life and his fight to overcome the darkness that haunts him. He admits that his demons feel like his lovers, but he's not willing to give in to them completely. He vows to take life with subtle steps, to not die defeated, and to cherish the whole wide world and the people in it. Through his words, the singer shares the struggle to find purpose and meaning in his life despite the setbacks and mistakes and the ever-present danger of falling back into the dark places in his mind.


Overall, the theme of the song is about finding hope, strength and love to live a worthwhile life. It's a reminder that even in the darkest moments, there is always light to be found.


Line by Line Meaning

Seems life forever,
It feels like my struggles will never end


Like forever
The pain and suffering seem to last an eternity


Since I tore myself apart
Ever since I've been plagued by my inner demons and regrets


And left my friends in the wake
I've hurt those I care about with my self-destructive behavior


Of countless tears and fading life.
Causing endless pain and despair and slowly killing myself in the process


When I couldn't seem to grasp the life I lead
I struggled to find meaning in life and understand my purpose


And the lives I touch
I caused harm and pain to those around me


Its one year on now
Time has passed since my darkest days


One year on, one year on
Reflecting on the struggles and challenges of the past year


Still I struggle with the same demons
I'm still haunted by my inner demons and struggles


I shed as I laid there lost in my head
I cried and felt defeated as I struggled with my mental health


Lost in my head
Feeling lost and overwhelmed by my negative thoughts and emotions


(Lost in this goddamn hospital bed)
Suffering in a hospital bed, undergoing treatment for my mental health struggles


I'm not the same man
I've changed as a result of my struggles and experiences


And I don't dare try
I'm scared of going back to that dark place and making the same mistakes


(Try to uncover all the darkness I hide)
I'm afraid to face my inner demons and explore the depths of my negative thoughts and emotions


Its like my demons are my lovers
My struggles have become a constant companion and part of my identity


But I've got friends by my side
I have people who care about me and support me through my struggles


I've got hope in my eyes
I see a brighter future and believe things can get better


And dreams to aspire too
I have goals and aspirations for my future


And the whole wide world to watch below
I have so much to see and explore in this world, and I don't want to miss out on it


(And death won't be my lover
I won't let my struggles and negative thoughts overcome me to the point of taking my own life


I've got so much left to give
I have so much to offer to the world and those around me


And take my life with subtle steps
I will take things one day at a time, and make small progress towards a better future


Instead of not wanting all that is left)
I won't give up on my life and my struggles, and instead, try to find meaning and purpose in my experiences


Its one year on
Reflecting on the progress I've made in a year


And I'm stronger, I want to live much longer
I've grown stronger and more resilient, and want to live a happy and fulfilling life


Not grow old and bitter
I don't want to become jaded or cynical as I age


And not hate what life gave me
I want to learn to love and appreciate all that life has to offer, both the good and the bad


Let the fear wash away
I won't let fear control my life and my decisions


Let the demons blunt their claws
I won't let my inner demons and struggles have power over me


On a life that's full of mistakes
I've made many mistakes in life, but I won't let them define me


But always searching for much more
I will strive for more in life and never stop searching for ways to improve


I won't die defeated
I will fight to overcome my struggles and live a fulfilling life


(And death won't be my lover
I won't let my struggles consume me to the point of wanting to take my life


I've got so much left to give
I have so much to offer and accomplish in life


And take my life with subtle steps
I will take things one day at a time and work towards positive change in my life


Instead of not wanting all that is left
I won't give up on life and all that is still possible for me to achieve and experience




Lyrics © WORDS & MUSIC A DIV OF BIG DEAL MUSIC LLC
Written by: AHREN CHARLES STRINGER, CLINT OWEN ELLIS, JOEL FLETCHER BIRCH, RYAN RICHARD BURT, TRAD M NATHAN, TROY JON-COLIN BRADY

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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Most interesting comment from YouTube:

Chelsea Kyle

Seems life forever,
Like forever
Since I tore myself apart
And left my friends in the wake
Of countless tears and fading life.
When I couldn't seem to grasp the life I lead
And the lives I touch
Its one year on now
One year on, one year on
Still I struggle with the same demons
I shed as I laid there lost in my head
Lost in my head

(Lost in this goddamn hospital bed)
I'm not the same man
And I don't dare try
(Try to uncover all the darkness I hide)
Its like my demons are my lovers

But I've got friends by my side
I've got hope in my eyes
And dreams to aspire too
And the whole wide world to watch below
(And death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give
And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left)

Instead of trying to take my own life
Its one year on 
And I'm stronger, I want to live much longer
Not grow old and bitter
And not jaded
And not hate what life gave me
Let the fear wash away
Let the demons blunt their claws
On a life that's full of mistakes
But always searching for much more
I won't die defeated
I won't die defeated
I won't die defeated
I won't die

Cause I've got friends by my side
I've got hope in my eyes
And dreams to aspire too
And the whole wide world to watch below
(and death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give
And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left
No death won't be my lover
I've got so much left to give
And take my life with subtle steps
Instead of not wanting all that is left)



All comments from YouTube:

Warrior Tha Witt

When the "I won't die defeated" part hit I literally felt the life rushin right straight back into me! Thanks TAA! Music from bands like you guys and so many others and my friends are literally the only 2 things keeping me from saying fuck it and quitting. So glad you/Beartooth are on warped tour! Thanks so much for what you guys do I'm sure your music has helped so many people you may not ever know the full extent. Thank you dudes so much! I'm sure your next album will kick ass!

tylermus

this song is intended to be enjoyed at somewhere around a billion decibels. first amity song I ever heard, still one of my favorites.

Scott Smyth

i swear i’m getting closer to deafness every time i play this😂, all of the youngbloods and chasing ghosts album are just some of the best songs out there

Jyessi Terriaynt

Charlie Barker btw I mean artard wanting to kill him self not you.

Jyessi Terriaynt

artardFTW nah I didn't mean that man, I was just making a joke, coz 1100 decibels would create a black hole bigger than the observable universe so 1 billion would surely kill you, so maybe you were just a little too suicidal to wanna do that. I love this song btw, it takes me to a world of emotion and I'd never talk down to it.

Charlie Barker

+PUSSYCAT EATER christ mate this is the greatest song in history dont go talking down on it like that, also like you could do any better

Anonymous

There’s no band like The Amity Affliction!

DarkMatty

one of my legacy 😊

itsnicksharpbro

Metalcore without the hivemind ego. Nicest dudes of all time. Remember, it's not about the scene, it's all about the music. Accept all and love that new people are into the same music as you.

Mark De Jesus

Word up

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