CAMELLIA
The Four Lyrics

So much for sleeping tonight
Rest seems utterly unattainable in this moment.

I haven't been myself for days
I feel disconnected from my true identity, like I've been lost for an extended period.

Lost again without a trace
I'm navigating through life aimlessly, with no clear direction or signs of where I am.

And no one could do a thing
There’s a sense of helplessness that surrounds me; others are powerless to change my situation.

To make these streetlights burn much brighter
No one can illuminate my path or make my life feel more hopeful.

But I can burn every fucking bridge
I’m willing to destroy all connections and past relationships in a fit of desperation.

And just leave it all behind me
I yearn to abandon everything that weighs me down and escape my current reality.

Tie me down and don't hope that I won't breakaway
If you try to confine me, don't expect me to stay; I'm ready to escape at any moment.

Don't be afraid to see all of the things I portray
I invite you to witness my struggles and the facades I maintain.

Tie me down cause I know what it takes to be brave
Commit to holding me back if it means I can muster up the courage to confront my fears.

I'm not as selfish as the world has taught me to be
I aspire to rise above self-centeredness, despite societal pressures.

So sick, I'm so sick
I am overwhelmed with illness, both physically and emotionally.

I'll do my best to fall apart this year
This year will be one of unraveling for me, as I allow myself to break down.

And shed what's left
I want to release all remnants of my former self that no longer serve me.

Of all my old self again
I aim to strip away layers of my past identity and rediscover who I truly am.

And we can pretend that we're friends
We can maintain a facade of friendship even as I navigate my own turmoil.

Just let me go
I’m pleading for the freedom to escape my current state of unhappiness.

Just let me
A reiteration of my desire for autonomy and release.

So sick, so sick I can't do this by myself
I feel so unwell that I realize I cannot handle everything alone.

I would've walked away if I knew this
If I had been aware of how difficult this situation is, I would have left sooner.

I'd walk away from it all
I have the impulse to abandon everything that has caused me pain.

Before my thirst for blood
I fear that my darker impulses will overtake me in this struggle.

Makes me sink like a stone
These feelings are dragging me down, leaving me feeling hopeless.

Please, please, please just pick me back up
I'm begging for help to regain my strength and sense of stability.

Because I'm fed up
I’m reaching my breaking point and can no longer tolerate this pain.

Don't let me fall back
I crave support to prevent me from reverting to my former struggles.

You know it's hard to keep me running
It’s a challenge for me to maintain momentum in life amid my struggles.

I'm getting sick
My mental and emotional state is deteriorating further.

Just like I said
Reaffirming my earlier claims about my declining health.

And I never took a chance
I regret not seizing opportunities that could have changed my path.

So will it ever leave my head
I wonder if these thoughts and feelings will ever resolve or dissipate.

So sick, I'm so sick
I reiterate my profound discomfort and malaise.

I'll do my best to fall apart this year
This year, I’m committed to allowing my inner turmoil to surface fully.

And shed what's left
I will aim to rid myself of any remaining baggage from my past.

Of all my old self again
I seek to completely let go of who I used to be and embrace change.

And we can pretend that we're friends
Our relationship can continue on a surface level, despite my struggles.

Just let me go
I’m pleading for the opportunity to liberate myself from this pain.

Just let me go
Reiterating my need for freedom and space to heal.